That girl is poison

I wish Sarah Palin would stop playing up this whole “I’m just a hockey mom” thing and play up the fact that she is a motherfucking bad ass bitch who hunts her food, and drips amniotic fluid while running the state of Alaska. Nice, meek women don’t end up being plucked out of the check out line at Wal-Mart and then get the opportunity to have the most powerful job in the world. You have to be a bit of a bad girl, a bit of an ambitious lunatic willing to claw your way to the top. It’d be amazing if she got pregnant again and did insane shit like create a Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chip Craving Day and dripped amniotic fluid all over white house? (Note — if this bitch were to become president, I would create Dance Party Zones all over the country)

Not only can I negotiate this treaty, I can catch you a motherfucking fish.

The “bad girl” is a pretty central figure in pop culture. In pop songs, we are usually warned against being with her, as her very presence is threatening. In videos, she can usually be found walking in slow motion, in slinky dresses, tempting men with her curves and evil sexual desire. This is exhibited perfectly in the videos for Akon’ & Kardinal Offissial’s addictive pop hit “Dangerous”.

The classic of course, is Hall & Oate’s “Maneater”, where we are warned that she is on her way here to well, eat all that poor little masculinity you have tucked away in your pants. The bad girl is hungry, and she lives off erections, bourbon and expensive dinners at 5 stars restaurants.

Also worth noting is Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater“, which for some reason has this strange post apocalyptic video in which no one is left on earth but professional dancers.

But, whatever, fuck the male gaze for a second. When do we get to hear from this dangerous girl, this woman so utterly feared? Well, here’s the problem, when she talks, she’s just so sad! Poor bad girl, drunk by six, says the Madonna song from her sorely underappreciated “Erotica”, and who’s video is inspired by yet another sad, slutty girl, Diane Keaton’s Theresa in Looking for Mr. Goodbar.Liz Phair’s “Fuck and Run” is yet another song in where underneath all that casual sex, all she wants is love, you guys. A guy who makes love cuz he’s in it. Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” is the anthem of every girl who’s done a man wrong and feels bad about it, but knows, she’s probably going to do it again.

But whatever. Fuck all that. We like talking about the bad girl because we know she is having more fun, just why we like to watch criminals. n, whether she’s zinging her opponent in a speech or Lil Kim asking us “What bitch you know could thug it like this?” or giving the nice girl some real talk about why she is not respected in the office.

Make it work, bitch!

Etc:

1. Tori Amos, Y Kant Tori Read

2. Bell Biv Devoe, Poizzzzon, another cautionary tale of curvy women and the dangers they posess

3. Mae West, lover of men and diamonds

4. Film-y bad girls: The Grifters, The Last Seduction, The Opposite of Sex

5. Tracie Egan, One D At A Time, Bloggy bad girl-ness

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7 Responses to That girl is poison

I’m quote two of my favorite women and just two of my favorite people in general…

The first being Tina Fey, who I agree with totally, in that I would love to have a crazy bitch in office and very much in power. “Bitches get stuff done. That’s why Catholic Schools use nuns instead of priests… At the end of the year you hated those bitches, but you knew the capital of Vermont.” Especially since all these years of American masculine power has turned the Presidency into the car hood the man all sit around while drinking their beers and playing grab ass.

I especially believe in the age of equality of the sexes, referencing one of my other favorite women of all time, the wonderful Liz Phair, who was willing to compromise with her boyfriend and do it backwards so they could both watch TV.

But Palin isn’t just a bitch. She’s a scary, crazy bitch who, yes, has been subject to quite a bit of sexist journalism, but is almost another GWB in her freaky religiousness nutjobbery and anti-feminist gangsta lean.

Ohhh yeah. I’m no Palin lover, I just think that her thing about just being a plain old mom is wrong. She’s just as cutthroat and insane as everyone else, you have to be to get to where she is.

Tina Fey! Love her, but she’s no bad girl. Liz? On the other hand. Exile In guyville, modern girl’s guide to the age of uninnocence. God, i just quoted sex and the city. What is wrong with me?

Under a Sarah Palin administration (because McCrazyballs doesn’t look like he has two months in him, let alone two years), you’d get kicked in the uterus for quoting Sex And The City.

But I agree with you completely in that as much as I think she’s evil, pure stupid conservative evil, I would respect her more if she was like some kind of crazy CEO type evil, announcing that her mad skills as ruthless power grabber. Hell, maybe that’s why I like Hillary so much? But then again, you could make the argument about the system still being so skewered for women, that maybe Palin’s playing the cards she’s dealt in the best way she can play them?

Who knows. It’s just sad when someone like Lindsay Lohan can be a voice of reason. (But what does Samantha Ronson think?)

Sam is married to the music. She doesn’t have time to think of responses to politics. She’s at the club!

I should be kicked in the uterus for quoting SATC under any administration.

You know, I didn’t know the title of or the artists behind “Dangerous” till I just read it here. Frankly, I feel like I died a little inside having gained that knowledge. It’s part of the radio mix on loop at my gym that punishes me while I work out.

Give me BBD and the east coast family anyday.

Yeah, I feel the need to point out that quoting SatC in a Benjamin Light Administration would also get you kicked in the uterus. …Besides, Palin’s probably one of those super-phony people who loves Sex and the City despite the moral high horse she rides on.