Just a friendly reminder…

The weekend’s almost over.

You probably have to go back to work tomorrow.

Unless you don’t.

Then… well, that’s up to you, isn’t it?

Some links to carry your carcass into the new week:

Brazilian beauty recalls hot Rio affair with young John McCain. Eww.

Drunk man has sex with a car.

Let’s be honest with ourselves: If Sarah Palin was a sandwich, it’d probably be pretty, but taste like nothing. And it’d be more than likely be bad for women everywhere. Probably everyone everywhere.

Satan worshippers kill and eat four Russian teens after stabbing each of them 666 times.

Terrorist fears could create psychosomatic epidemic, Feds warn.

Emoticons have escaped their electronic prisons and are now in the real world! :P

Marco Sparks went to see a play the other night.

The Top 10 Mad Scientists of all time.

The greatest hits of the group that hacked Palin’s emails.

Increasing rumors swirling that Biden will drop off the ticket, only to be replaced by… Hillary.

Val Kilmer to possibly run for Governor of New Mexico. That should’ve maybe been included with this post.

Caligula For President!

Who’s baby are you, Batgirl?

The latest issue (#10) of Frank Miller’s comic book The Goddamn Batman All-Star Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder was recently pulled from shelves because of adult language which wasn’t quite censored well enough for powers that be at parent company DC, and because quite possibly, a lot of the foul language revolved around teenage heroine Batgirl…

Clearly, as you can see above, Batgirl takes care of business. The little black bars over the offensive words (as you can also see above) weren’t printed dark enough, so you could also make out comments from the crowd such as “little jail bait CUNT’s making us look bad… we cut her, come on…” and “…sweet little piece in sweet slices… tasty sliced booty the little CUNT…” (Miller is obsessed with throwing certain words into all caps for crazy amounts of emphasis.) So far (the fact that there’s actually been ten issues of this full blown off the rails crazy ass trainwreck amazes me), this is the best part of the comic which was depicted Batman as a borderline psychotic (which may be a fair assessment) doing a bad Clint Eastwood impression, especially since he’s abducted a 13 year old boy and subjected him to some rather bizarre things, then had sex with Black Canary right after beating up a gang of thugs (“We leave the masks on. It’s better that way”), and shown heroes like Superman and Green Lantern as spineless morons. In fact, one of the few things I do like about this series (besides Jim lee’s overdrawn but occasionally beautiful art), is the depiction of Wonder Woman as an incredibly tough Amazon who’s disgusted by the lack of balls and inaction of the ubermensch in man’s world.

Oh, and shoehorned into this great big mess is Batgirl, too.

The purpose of the All-Star line of comics was to present to the reader a purer version of their favorite iconic characters, without all the hassle of continuity and paying lip service to all that’s come before. You could distill a simple story down to it’s basic and most essential elements, as delivered to you by the best and the brightest in the industry. It’s part of the reason why All-Star Superman (which just ended) is one of the greatest fucking things you’ll ever read, making Superman not only relevant again, but perhaps making Krypton’s last son actually interesting to this generation for the first time. But those same guidelines are what makes Frank Miller’s bat shit crazy, women hating serial so fascinating in a bizarre sort of way.

There was talk a while back of doing an All-Star Batgirl, which I would’ve enjoyed seeing because I’ve realized from how bad Frank Miller’s comic is that I really like the character. In fact, if my love of the teenage heroines of Neal Stephenson’s work and of stuff like Buffy proves anything, I like seeing teenage girls as lead characters in stories. Maybe I just like looking at attractive young women kicking ass? Well… yeah, but who doesn’t? But I also just prefer female characters (I should add “well written female characters” there, because that is something of a rare commodity), just because women tend to be more rational and logical, and possibly at times more emotional, which frankly makes for better storytelling. Especially in the teenager years, when all the pain and frustration and curiosity and excitement of growing up beings to crystallize. For guys during that period of their lives, it’s nothing but sex fantasies and getting high in their rooms with Bruce Springsteen albums, but as pop culture has shown us in the last few years, for girls it’s all about going out into the night, taking on impossible odds with nothing but a reliance on one’s self, a limited arsenal of weapons and and deadly puns, and making the world a better place.

And that’s the kind of thing I can get behind.

The Batgirl used in the Miller’s comic is the classic and best known: Barbara Gordon, daughter of Batman’s ally on the police force, Commissioner James Gordon. Here she’s only about 15, but in other iterations she’s been adult (head of the Gotham City Public Library at one point). She’s not the first version of the character, but she’s by far the most popular.

The original Batwoman, whom the original Batgirl was copied off of, seemed to be to be exactly what the critics called her: A cheap imitation of Batman, an attempt to pander towards women. The Sarah Palin of comic book heroines, if you will. The two of them were retconned out and in came the new version, the Barbara Gordon Batgirl. Inspired to action by her hero, the Batman, Babs took the Bat motif as her own and instantly made it her own. For a long time she was on her own, with no support or acknowledgement from Batman, but soon her skillz and efforts had to be appreciated and she was welcomed into the Bat family with open arms (especially by the Robin of the time, whom developed a life long crush on young Babs). The Bat family, it should also be pointed out, was an attempt to prove Wertham’s Seduction Of The Innocent wrong and show that something much more wholesome and American was going on in the Batcave.

The nice thing about DC comics over it’s rivals out there is that the characters are allowed to grow and mature and change, even if it is only glacially. Whatever demons and inner drive that Barbara Gordon felt that compelled to her put on a mask and costume and those fancy boots and risk her life day in and out, she eventually was able to work through it and move past it. She didn’t have that certain crazy that Batman and his teenage wards had. It wasn’t a junkie thrill or unbeatable obsession for her, like it was for them, and eventually she retired from the costumed vigilante game, deciding to be a normal young woman with a normal young life. It was a nice ending for the character. Or, at least, it should’ve been. Of course, this is back before we had a name for the woman in refrigerators syndrome.

One night, while enjoying a quiet evening in with her father, there was a knock on the door. And at the door was The Killing Joke, the classic 1988 Batman tale by Alan Moore and Brian Bolland that changed everything forever for Barbara Gordon. The Joker, wanting to prove to Batman and the Commissioner that all it took for someone to end up as crazy as him was just one bad day. And he made Barbara Gordon, unaware that she was ever Batgirl, the subject of that bad day by shooting her through the spine, crippling her, and then sexually assaulting her and photographing it to show her father later. The story is good on it’s own terms, and was one of the many research pieces used in preparing for The Dark Knight, even while it steps on the characters that many fans loved. It also manages to end both on both a very emotionally true ending that also manages to feel incredibly false as the Joker and Batman share a good hearty laugh.

Somehow the Joker survives all of this, as a testament to Batman staying true to his own morals and not resorting to murder, despite what the Joker did to Batgirl or that he killed one of Batman’s partners. And the story, while good, proves one of the major points of the women in refrigerators syndrome: Big events such as these in a male character’s story are something that usually easily reversed, but for female characters, they’re permanent. In Bab’s case, that’s (sadly since she’s been put in this position) probably a good thing because of how callous it would be to see her suddenly overcome being handicapped.

But instead, she became very handicapable, and possibly became one of the most realistically powerful characters in the DC universe of comics. She, still in her wheelchair, adopted the moniker Oracle, letting her intellect take center stage (while still being very capable in a form of martial arts called eskrima despite her paralysis) and became a sort of information broker to the heroes. She backed up the Justice League with her super computer skills and eventually formed a group called the Birds Of Prey, made up of other female heroines that, as written by Gail Simone, who started the Women In Refrigerators website, provided a shining example of female characters done right in comic books.

In the mainstream DC universe, that’s still where she essentially is, until something new and horrible is planned to have happen to her (current editor-in-chief Dan Didio seems to be on a personal mission to kill all the pretty girls). And the Birds Of Prey concept briefly became a TV show on the CW (well, WB back then) in the kind of watered down Smallville format (thankfully they didn’t go with the young Bruce Wayne show). I’ve seen bits and pieces of a handful of episodes and wasn’t really impressed despite the fact that I thought Barbara Gordon was played well by Dina Meyer. They even did a flashback episode to her days as Batgirl:

But when you think of Batgirl on TV (more so than the excellent 90s Paul Dini Batman cartoons)(or I guess the more recent cartoon The Batman, whose only saving grace seems to be the theme song by The Edge), you think of Yvonne Craig…

…who was brought in towards the end of the 60s Batman show with Adam West and Burt Ward as an infusion of fresh blood to hopefully stave off the declining ratings. She represents everything that you remember fondling and despise about that show: It’s bright, ludicrous campiness, it’s purely bubble gum attitudes towards everything, and it’s pop sexism. While not having as much impact as maybe Julie Newmar as Catwoman (or Eartha Kitt for that matter), I’d definitely say that Craig’s Batgirl caught my eye since she was my first introduction to the character. I mean, even though it was fake in that particular series, who doesn’t love a red-headed superheroine? No one, that’s who. Enjoy this incredibly ridiculous theme song they gave her:

“What is your scene, baby? We just gotta know!” Amazing stuff right there. “Yeaaahh, who’s baby are you?” Since Barbara Gordon hung up her yellow cape and boots in the comics, there’s been at least three more women to wear some form of the outfit and name, with one of them being an incredibly good match (despite her initially not being allowed to speak, seriously) for the title, but has been since turned evil (under Didio’s edict that if we can’t kill off the pretty girls, then by God, we can ruin them!), but that move proved both awful and absurd, so they’ve been working to slowly counter it. Something similar was done to one of my favorite teen heroines, but it’s been clear that as they attempt to restore them to status quo there’s just no editorial emphasis on doing it right or making the characters interesting again, just on minimizing complaints. Sigh.

It’s a shame. And while I don’t expect to, or really want to for that matter, see an incarnation of the Batgirl character in the current film direction, I would like to suggest that Warner Bros. consider that they do have a small goldmine in this character. A smart, cute girl who can be strong and fragile, dressed in black leather, swinging from the rooftops at night, kicking ass and cracking wise? That’s a license to print money right there. Or, at least slutty Halloween costumes:

The last comment I’ll make is about those who would say that Wonder Woman is the ultimate feminist super hero icon…

Normally I’d agree with you people. Especially back when it looked like Joss Whedon might be handling the movie, because at least then you knew you’d get a character treated with some class and dignity who’d be taken seriously and that there’s probably be a pretty decent movie coming out of the whole thing.

But does she have to wear that outfit? Whenever I see her in that getup, I can’t stop thinking about patriotic porn… which is cool.

Apparently the poorly censored isues of All Star Batman #10 are going for outrageous prices on Ebay.

I’d really like to kick Frank Miller in the balls.

A physicist has proven that The Dark Knight is not real.

Here’s Wikipedia’s page on alternate versions of Barbara Gordon, and their page on her various adapations in different media. And this is, naturally, a link to some Batgirl fan fiction. Enjoy yourself. This one goes out to the cute chicks in leather!

Florence & the MachineKiss With A Fist

We’re no strangers to love… You know the rules and so do I.

You don’t need scars to prove who you are. You just need the moves, baby. The moves.

(Thanks, Unicornology. You’re awesome.)

Also, I noticed that the VP debate rules have changed for Palin. That should shock me (it, of course, doesn’t) or upset me, but it’s like this every four years, right? I remember Bush was a fucking baby about how his debates with Gore were going to go.

Chicks Today: New Sex and The City Movie

I am innocently finishing up some writing and a playlist for a party tonight while enjoying a wonderful pint of Reality Czech Pilsner (2 dollars during happy hour at my local hipster cafe, holla!). I go to a blog I read. I read the news: there is a new sex and the city movie in the works. I have one question, Hollywood: WHY? Vitamin Water didn’t make enough money last time?

Didn’t you know, chicks love three things: very expensive shoes, unconditional love, and vitamin water. Lots and lots and lots of vitamin water (my favorite flavor is the B vitamin heavy “Revive”, excellent for hangovers, big and small).

chicks fucking love beverages.

chicks fucking love beverages.

Sex and The City (a show I am intimately familiar with, at one point I owned all of the DVDs until I slowly bled them from my person in a fit of rage.) didn’t need one movie. It certainly doesn’t need two movies. It didn’t even need 6 seasons, the 5th and 6th season were for the most part, totally awful and a caricature of what the show was during the far more realistic, better written first and second seasons.  It needed about 3 seasons, for us to get to know the girls, to see them grow, and then see them ride off into the NYC sunset in a yellow taxicab.

after president of the united states and single moms, being a NYC taxi driver is the hardest job in the world.

after president of the united states and single moms, being a NYC taxi driver is the hardest job in the world.

What relevance does a movie like Sex and the city even have anymore? Sluts inevitably grow out of their phase, especially unwilling ones like the fake ones on Sex and the City, who for the most part used sex as a means to end, as a casualty of dating. Sex was never the goal, it just ended up happening. And besides, we’ve already discussed it all. Once your 15 year old cousin has an in-depth discussion with you on the meaning of “funky spunk“, it’s no longer edgy, no longer new. Do we care that the girls are married? Do we even want to go there?

this is the most fun part. the dress.

this is the most fun part. the dress.

Anyone who’s been in a long term relationship knows, once you grow out of the honeymoon phase, that shit is hella boring. It’s non-stop tedium, non stop quick missionary before you pass out, non stop “what do you want for dinner” conversations. I don’t want to live that, much less watch it. There’s a reason all my friends in relationships love it when I inevitably break up with whatever fool I have suckered into dating me for a few weeks: it’s so much more interesting than happily ever after, domestic bliss. Who are you with now, they ask? What are you upto now? What are you doing now? That’s why we liked Sex And The City, that’s why the single girl is endlessly appealing: always something new, always something unexpected. Always something we want to watch, and get engaged in.

shes gonna make it after all. she really is.

she's gonna make it after all. she really is.

In short, this movie will suck and is totally unnecessary. Send that money to us. We’ll use it wisely (on porn and whiskey).

Remnants:

1. Lambic, my most favoritest beer
2. The Ratatat Remixes Volume 2 are getting a lot of rotation on my iPod lately
3. Gawker kicked a lot of ass this week with getting Sarah Palin’s personal emails, also watching Bill O’ Reilly talk about Gawker is amazing.
4. I’ve been having some fun reading all the negative reviews for another horrendous chick flick, The Women!
5. The best chick flicks: Terms of Endearment, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Legally Blonde, My Best Friend’s Wedding

MTV killed the video star

You know that scene in Return of the Jedi (of course you do) when the Rebels take out the Super Star Destroyer Executor‘s bridge and it plunges into the Death Star and explodes. And we cut to Admiral Ackbar and he does this awesome sigh? That’s how I felt when I read that MTV is shutting down TRL after 10 soul-crushing years of powertool VJs and screaming morons talking over terrible music videos. Or, in pictures:

 

It was like this

It was like this

 

I was prepared to write the usual MTV sucks because they never play videos rant here, but then I started to think about videos in general. Sure, we grew up with some classics of the genre, but most videos are utter bullshit, cost struggling artists too much money to make, and kicked off the careers of people like Michael Bay and McG (though to be fair, Spike Jonze and Fincher came up through videos too). We bitch at MTV for selling us out (again) by not showing videos, but maybe it’s for the best. Good bands can get back to making good music, while pierced-queer acts like Panic! at the Disco will fade away into the nothing without their over-cut hot topic ads getting flashed all over the tube.

So maybe we should actually be thanking MTV for killing the video star. I mean, is there a single musical act out there where you’re like, “Thank god for MTV or blahblahblah would never have gotten big”? I realize there’s probably some kind of exception I should be making for A-Ha right about now, but that was back in the 80s when directors still had ideas. …Yeah, let me save you the trouble and just post this now:

Now if MTV itself could just go away like TRL, then we’d be getting somewhere. And VH1, E! and basically all of reality TV, while we’re at it.

Also, I just want to put a warning out there to you, Mr. Bill Simmons, that you’re getting dangerously close to making my list of Those Worthy of Scorn. I think the Sports Guy is like the only American over 23 out there who doesn’t work for Viacom and still watches MTV, and attempts to make references to it like it’s still culturally relevant. Seriously, Bill, you still watch The Real World? What’s wrong with you? We stopped watching this shit years ago, and back then we only did because we were bored and it was on after school. You have two kids now, for shame.

Edited to add: Tracy is my soul-mate.

A supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again.

I just finished The Diamond Age the other day and I’m reading Paul Auster’s new book, Man In The Dark right now. It’s the shortest and easiest of reads so I imagine I’ll be done with it sometime today. And Yesterday, I was literally thinking about what my next book would be, something longer and more challening I decided, and then I pondered that for a bit. “I know,” I told myself, “maybe it’s time I went back and finally read all of Infinite Jest!”

And then as I was considering sleep and finishing up some research online for a future Counterforce post (about a certain spunky young redhead), I did a quick scan of the news, only to discover that Infinite Jest‘s author, David Foster Wallace, was dead.

A shame. I’m not a huge DFW (when you look at his pictures, you have to forgive him for looking like such a douche-y bro-seph) fan, but I am a fan. I read Oblivion: Stories by the winner of the MacArthur Foundation’s ”genius grant” a few years back, and also enjoyed his Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, which is soon be a movie by The Office‘s John Krasinski. Infinite Jest, considered one of Time magazine’s 100 best English language novels, which clocks in at something like 1079 pages (that’s an almost Stephenson-esque length!), just looks big and crazy and like good ridiculous fun. But apparently it’s a tough read in places, not just because of the length, but because of Wallace’s style as a nicely blended mix of Nabokov, Pynchon, and Delillo, but because he forces you to stay with him through an impressive gauntlet of reading (he’s a bit of a word drunk)(was, shit), and to be smart while doing it. Keep that dictionary handy. Hell, Lisa Schwarzbaum was so intimidated by the book’s striking length that, for her review in Entertainment Weekly, she didn’t even read the book, but does tell us that it weighs 3 pounds, 2.7 ounces. Awesome. Sadly, you’re not alone there, Lisa. It’s a common recurring joke between smart people that Infinite Jest is the next book they’re going to read, just like the joke about Pynchon: “I’m reading Gravity’s Rainbow. Well, re-reading it.” Regardless, the book itself created a tremendous bit of notoriety for the author, marking him as a future literary superstar. Did he capitalize on that fully? I just don’t know…

Sadly though, on September 12, Foster’s wife came home to find that he had hung himself. Alas, despite DFW being of excellent fancy, I did not know his work nearly as well I’d like to have. I’d like to take this opportunity to get to know it better and hopefully we’ll get some more details about the man in the wake of this tragedy.

When mentioning this to Lollipop Gomez, a fellow DFW fan who’ll probably do her own write up of the author later, I mentioned some confusion about how to handle this post. I want to talk about why it’s a shame that this talent is gone, but I don’t want to go into a critical dissection of him just yet, I told her. Also, I added, I want to keep this brief (not a strong suit of mine, obviously), but she replied wonderfully, “In his spirit, you should be as wordy as possible.” What can I say? Some of us sexy geniuses just don’t know how to shut up.

Well, I guess DFW did. He was 46.

I’ll leave you with a few links as an appreciation of the author, but I imagine you’ll hear more about him from us at some point…

DFW, along with others, on Charlie Rose.

Michiko Kakutani’s review of A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never do Again.

Salon‘s review of Brief Interviews With Hideous Men.

DFW on Infinite Jest.

The Perspective of DFW.

F/X Porn.

A wonderfully detailed review of Oblivion: Stories by the London Review Of Books.

An old, but excellent Salon interview with DFW.

The Believer‘s interview with DFW.

Michiko Kakutani’s review of Infinite Jest.

DFW called a prose magician, who mapped the mythic and the mundane, by Michiko Kakutani.

The very excited Newsweek review of Infinite Jest by David Gates.

Molly Lambert republishing DFW taking a dump on John Updike. (Happy birthday!)

DFW’s love letter to Roger Federer.

N+1 on DFW.

The Infinite Jest Challenge.

A personal encounter with DFW.

What the Infinite Fuck? Patton Oswalt on DFW.

In a nod to his mega-novel, DFW plays Wii tennis!

A letter from DFW, maybe.

Elizabeth Wurtzel fucked DFW.

DFW on John McCain after his failed Primary bid in 2000.

DFW’s favorite novel:

Would you like to know more about DFW’s style? I’ll quote the Wikipedia page on Infinite Jest for that: “Wallace’s writing voice is a postmodern mixture of high- and low-brow linguistic traits. He juxtaposes, often within a single sentence, colloquialisms and polysyllabic, highly esoteric words.”

Why DFW? Because Rick Moody can suck it.

DFW’s syllabus.

DFW on XXX.

An excellent Infinite Jest resources page.

The Howling Fantods, a DFW appreciation site.

The excellent DFW tribute page at McSweeney’s.

VICTORY FOR THE FORCES OF DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM!

Why did Sarah Plain’s interview with Charlie Gibsom bomb so badly? Because they edited it to make her look stupid, they say.

A quick search on Youtube for DFW’s name brings me this interview with producer/songwriter David Foster and Chris “Kid” Reid. It’s interesting.

Tina Fey doing a wonderful job as Sarah Palin, and featuring the lovely Amy Poehler as Hillary. Watch it while you can.

James Bond drinks Coke Zero!? Bullshit.

Jesse Ventura says the government’s not telling you the truth about 9/11.

Three dead following quarrel over penis size.

A little more illumination on Michiko Kakutani.

German man sells his partner for beer. ‘Nuff said.

The Church Of England apologizes to Charles Darwin.

Literary suicide is all the rage.

StarsYour Ex-Lover Is Dead

Ben Gibbard - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead (live Stars cover)

Ignoti et Quasi Occulti: The Sublime Genius of Enoch the Red

There’s that old saying attributed to one of America’s Founding Fathers, Franklin, I think (Editor’s note: Dude, it was fucking Mark Twain) that says something like, “Sorry for the long letter, I didn’t have time to write a short one.” As far as writing goes, that is very often a True Story. It takes a hell of a lot of writing skill to distill information down to a few words while still evoking whole pictures of detail in the reader’s mind. More than I’ve got, for sure. Good songwriters can do this; good screenwriters absolutely must be able to function with an economy of words. But still, there’s a case to be made for long form writing that takes its time and revels in the details. And Neal Stephenson is the kind of author who makes that case.

Seriously, Neal, what's with the goatee. Okay, so you're balding. Brian K. Vaughn is too, but he still looks respectable.

Seriously, Neal, what's with the goatee?

Yes, Neal has a new book fresh out that I’m just wading into, but what I want to talk about is his last work, the 2700+ page masterpiece of historical science fiction known as The Baroque Cycle. What was so excellent about this series to me, behind all the humor and adventure and labyrinthine plotting, was the way Stephenson used the length of his books to his advantage, slowly doling out hints and details to build anticipation, to the point that when something major did happen, I was on the edge of seat reading it, even if the something were a simple conversation between two characters.

Think of the excellent scene in The Dark Knight where Batman and The Joker finally meet. Now imagine that The Dark Knight was not a movie, but a TV series, and that this epic meeting only took place after three seasons worth of build up. That’s the feeling you get in Neal Stephenson’s Baroque Cycle when it comes to the mercurial character known as Enoch Root.

Enoch, aka Enoch the Red (in a nod to another author who knew how to tell a story [unlike you, Peter Jackson! Fucker!]) is a member of the fictional Societas Eruditorum, whose motto: Ignoti et Quasi Occulti is said to translate to “unknown and partially hidden.” It is these qualities, behind everything else, that give Stephenson the tools he needs to focus the readers’ attentions where we wants them.

Long!

Book one of the series, Quicksilver, begins with Enoch the Red in early 18th century Massachusetts witnessing a witch-burning. This scene, which transitions to a flashback some 60 years earlier, gives many details about the unnaturally well-preserved Enoch whilst being tantalizingly devoid of context. We won’t see Enoch again for a great many pages. Then he pops up in the past, perplexing as ever, and disappears again. Though the story largely concerns other characters, Enoch Root’s brief but memorable contacts with them, a sort of artifex ex machina, are so effective because they’re so few and far between.

 

No Counterforce post is complete without a Louis XIV portrait

No Counterforce post is complete without a Louis XIV portrait

What Stephenson is doing in the Baroque Cycle is using the length of his writing, a seeming weaknessor indulgence, to create tension, humor and drama that you just don’t get in more modern shorter novels. He’ll throw five pages of laboriously florid locale description at the reader all to set up one really great crude joke. The payoff wouldn’t near as good if he wrote it short. Enoch will vanish from the plot for hundreds of pages, and then pop up out of nowhere to have a stunning philosophical debate with the main character, or give just the needed assist to another to further the plot. If Enoch was doing this every 20 pages, it would be annoying, but space it out to 200 and his every move rivets the reader.

Totally pwned Leibniz

Totally pwned Leibniz

The anticipation that’s been built around Enoch, and the meetings of other heavy hitters like Sir Isaac Newton and Gottfried Leibniz, left me hanging on every word of the conversation. And these are meta-physical conversations about science and math! The reader, me — who used to be smart but then went to liberal arts college — is hashing over every line because Stephenson’s manufactured suspense, through mysterious details included and excluded, has made the intellectual debate, not the action, to be the climax of his tale.

It takes a special kind of author to con us into caring about science and math, and if you’re willing to tackle his tomes, Stephenson will drag you kicking and screaming into a better understanding of our world. And now, how about a little excerpt from Quicksilver. Here we find the lead character, Daniel Waterhouse, ruminating on the struggle between science and old ways of thinking. Waterhouse describes a shipwreck in five acts, with Act I being a ship in calm seas and Act V being wreckage and flotsam in a raging storm. This is basically Neal Stephenson in a nutshell:

“The human race has, actually, been in Act V for most of history and has recently accomplished the miraculous feet of assembling splintered planks afloat on a stormy sea into a sailing-ship and then, having climbed on board it, building instruments with which to measure the world, and then finding a kind of regularity in those measurements. When they were at Cambridge, Newton was surrounded by a personal nimbus of Act II and was well on his way to Act I.

“But they had, perversely, been living among people who were peering into the wrong end of the telescope, or something, and who had convinced themselves that the opposite was true — that the world had once been a splendid, orderly place — that men had made a reasonably trouble-free move from the Garden of Eden to the Athens of Plato and Aristotle, stopping over in the holy land to encrypt the secrets of the Universe in the pages of the Bible, and that everything had been slowly, relentlessly falling apart ever since.”

All the best and weirdest shit is happening on the Fringe, baby.

Thirty five minutes into the pilot of one of the most anticipated shows of the summer, one of the main characters says, “I just pissed myself. Just a squirt.” I’d say that line accurately sums up my excitement level for this show and it’s succeeding payoff.

A confession: I’m a fan of the big and the weird. I mean, how can you not be? Fringe science, more accurately and typically called psuedoscience usually (or junk science, if you’re a cynic), on which the show is reportedly based, is my guilty little pleasure (though I don’t feel that guilty about it). In fact, I’m almost a Fortean nut for it. Remember old Michael Crichton? Before he became a nutjob asshole? Back when he represented classic, smart speculative fiction that bled pure sci-fi wonderment, heavy on the science? Good times, am I right? You get glimpses of it these days in the work of authors like Warren Ellis and Neal Stephenson, but it’s fleeting and you don’t see it out there too much more.

Which is why I’m incredibly excited about a show like Fringe coming on the air, and on a major network (though with that major network being Fox, I have to wonder if there’s a looming countdown to it’s inevitable cancellation) with major network budgeting and ability to do justice to imaginative scope of such ideas. Finally, the return of big weird sci fi on TV! Speaking of ideas, let’s talk about the first episode…

You’re looking at those flashlights and you’re thinking that this show is already ripping off the X-Files big time, but you’d be only half right on it’s source material, because in what has to be a slight nod to it’s spiritual cousin Lost, the show starts with Glatterglug (which translates as “smooth flight,” how ironic) Flight 627, en route from Hamburg to Logan Airport, in Boston. Something goes wrong, horribly and wonderfully wrong and the end result is that people’s faces start melting off. It’s creepy as hell, but in that vein, it’s so, so cool.

From there, we go to our main character, FBI agent Olivia Dunham (played by Anna Torv, an Australian actress who’s done just about nothing before this, and further proving that J. J. Abrams knows how to pick excellent leading ladies for his projects), who’s tucked away in a motel with her secret boyfriend, a fellow FBI agent. She’s our update of Agent Scully for 2008: Just as sexy and smart, but taller, blonde, and right at the beginning, she’s inviting and shows us her heart, especially when it comes to her lame secret boyfriend. Their post-coital one sided “I love you’s” are interrupted by a call from their superiors about the plane landing at Logan. An inter-agency task force is being set up to investigate the incident, headed by a Homeland Security agent played by the brilliant, stone-like, and enigmatic Lance Reddick, who’s got a bit of a prior beek with Dunham (and the first of several incredibly sexist characters, I was surprised to notice). Anyways, shenanigans happen, and a chase after a suspect (the eerie twin brother of a man who was on the plane) leads to an explosion in a lab that seriously injures Secret FBI Boyfriend, leaving him so badly burned and exposed to the chemicals in such lab that his skin turns translucent and he has to be placed in an immediate coma. This gives opportunity for a wonderful cameo by Peter Outerbridge, who was an asshole FBI agent in the last season of Millennium and starred in a Canadian science drama called Regenesis which I’ve grown to love, as Secret Boyfriend’s doctor.

Dunham’s search for anything similar to WTF she’s just witnessed leads her to one man: a scientist named Bishop who was set up by the government to do WTFever he wanted in the 70s, but was locked away in a mental institute for the past two decades. She needs him, but the terms of his incarceration state that he can only receive visits from immediate family members. Sure, she’s a G-man and could go in waving the Patriot Act all over the place, but Matthew Abaddon tells her to play it cool and just find Bishop’s last surviving immediate family member: Pacey.

Pacey‘s character is both a highlight and a serious lowlight of this opener, typically getting all the best lines, but playing the cliched loner with the genius IQ, but who dropped out of high school and has spent his years kind of roughing it, doing every job imaginable, including some time as a wild land fireman, cargo pilot, and a few months as a chemistry professor (We’re told that he falsified a degree from MIT for that one and even got a few papers published before he was found out). I think the key to his character, especially in the scenes with the female FBI agent and the scenes with his father, is not that he’s a cool leading man type, but rather that he’s a snarky asshole. He’ll either become highly watchable as the show progresses or the most insipid character on television. Plus, he speaks Farsi.

Through Pacey‘s character, we get his father, the now mentally damaged scientist who had his finger delved deep into the scary and weird, and who may be the heart of this show in a cracked sort of way. He supplies the hard fringe. He’s fascinated by the perspective delivered in Spongebob, and when it comes to a matter of needing to find the suspect who got away but coming up short because the only person who can identify him is Secret Boyfriend in the coma, he comes up with the simple answer: Load up Dunham with ketamine and lysergic acid diethylamide, then strip her down (fondly recalling the X-Files pilot) and put her in an isolation tank (Altered States!) and synchronize her brain waves with Secret Boyfriend in the coma and he can share with her the suspect’s face via synaptic transfer. And quite frankly, it’s not nearly enough in TV these days that you get to hear a character gleefully say, “Excellent. Let’s make some LSD!”

Does it work? Fuck yeah, it works, man (though the special effects in that sequence are not terrible, they’re certainly the weakest of the episode and remind one of VR5). Just like Bishop told us it would (you can use the same method to question a corpse too, he assures us, within the first six hours of it’s death, a detail that becomes very important later, we find out). Despite his wandering mind and his questionable bladder control, Bishop will be the element to watch on this show, I believe. Dunham provides us with the coolness of Scully, but with a more relaxed believer in the Mulder archetype, and Pacey provides us the everyman rational asshole perspective, but the Bishop character… Well, I’ll just refer you back to when Dunham fills Pacey in on just a few of the things his father was involved in researching back in his heyday: Mind control, teleportation, astral projection, invisibility, genetic mutation, and also reanimation.

Oh, and don’t let me forget that the episode also includes the hint of an evil Bill Gates type looming on the horizon, some kind of super evil mega corporation (and possibly more out there than the Hanso Foundation) with their (advanced robotic, on the level of Terminator-esque advanced) fingers in everything, including “The Pattern…”

The Pattern! More on that later, but the real question you’re asking yourself is, “Is this a good pilot?” Yes, for the most part. It’s not as good as Abram’s Lost pilot, which was pure perfection in retrospect, and may or may not as good as the pilot for Alias (the Bishop character would have to be a modern day equivalent of Milo Rambaldi, that show’s seer/inventor/wunderkind macguffin, and I could easily see this show copy that series’ breezy blue collar sci fi vibe), but there is quality here. They put $10 million into this hour and a half, and it shows (the only downside to the look of the show, and it’s not that big of a deal is that it was clearly shot in Toronto). Plus, this is just a simple aesthetic thing, but I love the location chyrons that are huge and 3D in each new locale and seem to float right at the camera as if they were living architecture (and they very much appear to be in the Baghdad scene). That said, more than this initial episode itself, you definitely get a feeling that you’re being handed a laundry list of (like any good pilot does) what’s to come as far as big wild weirdness.

Beyond anything else though, this is easily the best new show of the fall and one of the best on TV currently.

I’ve said a lot about the show as it is, and my perspective is completely clouded by the possibility of this being a show that scratches me right where I itch. Is Fringe a little too out there for you? Understandable, but I implore you to give it a try… while you can. It’s on Fox, people. You know the executives are just masturbating at the idea of canceling this and Dollhouse already.

Hawking bets that CERN mega-machine won’t find “God’s Particle.”

Speaking of which, has the LHC destroyed the Earth yet? The answer is no, not yet.

Neal Stephenson: Science Fiction as a literary genre.

The Committee for Skeptical Inquiry.

I forgot to mention that during the “limited commercial interruptions” during Fringe, they played the commercial version of the new Quantum Of Solace trailer. It’s not bad at all.

How to disappear in America without a trace.

The new EP by Stars is excellent.

Is Kim Jong Il?

Giant penis needs re-chalking, please.

How would the U.S. military fight a zombie army?

I guess it’s official, Shirley Manson’s a Terminator. Lord knows she’s already terminated my heart. And stuff.

Jesus was a community organizer, and Pontius Pilate was a governor. Sigh.

Matt Damon on Sarah Palin.

Speaking of the hotness of Shirley Manson and the villainy of Sarah Palin, robots are coming to replace us all!

The triumph of fringe science!

TV On The RadioHalfway Home (from their new album Dear Science)

Tracy Clark-Flory drops some science on our asses

Been busy lately, but I’ve always got time to link to my internet crush: Ms. Tracy Clark-Flory. She’s got some new sex studies she’d like to comment on. Take it away, Tracy:

“In a press release, study author Heidi E. Hutton summarized the findings: “Across genders, women binge drinkers are more likely to have anal sex than men binge drinkers. Within gender, women binge drinkers are three times as likely to have anal sex, and twice as likely to have multiple sex partners compared to women who do not drink alcohol. Compared to non-drinking women, women binge drinkers are also five times as likely to have gonorrhea.”"

I think that’s wonderful.

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