Chinese FUCKING Democracy!

Is this real? Is this a thing that could actually be? Could this seriously be coming out in five days? Or are they just using my illusion against me?

But no, nooooo, this may actually be real. This time next week, I could actually be holding the damn near mythical, fabled and long awaited album by Axl Rose (Yes, it’s Guns N’ Roses, but I mean, really, that’s just been Axl for decades now). There’s even a Chuck Klosterman review out there to prove it. Fuck, there’s even tribute albums out there to it. We may actually be that Dr. Pepper after all.

The wikipedia article for this album is fascinating and quite possibly the longest I’ve ever seen for an album that has’t come out yet. There’s even a fascinating offshoot article about just the timeline of the album’s production, or lack of production, that is very detailed (though lacking details such as the fact that when Axl compiled one of his line ups for the new GNR, the one with Buckethead, that he took the time to have them re-record Appetite For Destruction so they’d know what it feels like to record a great Guns N’ Roses album) and interesting. Hell, someone even went to the trouble of compiling the history of all the leaks of the album over the years.

A short list of the people who’ve worked on the album over the years includes: Axl Rose, Buckethead, Bumblefoot, Andy Wallace, Bob Ezrin, Josh Freese, Dizzy Reed, Tommy Stinson, Sebastian Bach (who says that Chinese Democracy is merely the first of a trilogy of albums, with the third destined to drop in 2012, just in time for the end of the world), Marco Beltrami, Paul Buckmaster, Robin Finck, Richard Fortus, and Roy Thomas Baker. Oh, and Shaq, who apparently rapped on a track, which may or may not have survived to the actual album itself. And Moby and Youth apparently turned down an offer to do some production at one point.

Do you remember when “Oh My God” came out way back when on the End Of Days soundtrack and everyone was like, “Whoa, Chinese Democracy is going to sound like some kind of weird Nine Inch Nails thing?” Well, that may not be exactly how you worded it, but you were probably thinking it. I’m amazed that Trent Reznor wasn’t offered work on this behemoth.

Originally I was going to do this post on Chinese Democracy the album versus democracy in China and which we’d actually see first…

…Because I fully assumed that this whole exclusive Best Buy deal would have fallen apart by now. But somehow it hasn’t. Somehow, as far as I know, this album is still coming out this coming Sunday. And because we’ll probably never see democracy in China. I mean… Come on. It’s fucking China.

But instead, we’re facing an even bigger versus issue. The crazy, long built up and heavily anticipated ideal of Chinese Democracy, an epic Homeric poem set to music in our wildest fantasies versus the actual thing. The album that you can buy at Best Buy and unwrap and take home and listen to and wonder WTF is this shit? It took fifteen years to put this out?

It’s like the ending to Lost, which will have to be epic, but will we like it. Look at the endings to Seinfeld and The Sopranos, hated by all except the hardcore fans (personally, I’d call the ending to Seinfeld beyond brilliant and couldn’t give two shits about The Sopranos in the first place). It’s like the ending to The Shield next week, which will have to be huge. It’s probably why Salinger never stopped writing after Catcher In The Rye, he just stopped releasing books. Even for a perfectionist who’s name is an anagram for oral sex, the hype will kill your ass.

Well, good, bad, or whatever, I’ll get the fucking thing this weekend. Rain or shine, in fact. Actually, no, I hope it rains. I can’t think of anything better than picking this monster up in the cold November rain.