Benjamin Light is miserable with a cold and needs to get some sleep, but he finally has the good internets, so he’d like to hit a couple small points.

Exhibit A:

Yahoo! tells it like it is.

I love that the headline writer threw in the “bitterly.” I concur. Tomorrow has a low of 30 (30!) and rain all day. That is balls. Also, are we in a new era of inane yellow journalism?

Exhibit B:

not buying it

Gee, that’s great that Trojan’s trying to Save Africa (or at least Bristol) or something, by raising money for charity, but come on, what’s the material cost to produce a million condoms really come out to? $3,000? I guess they want you to associate the Trojan brand with philanthropy and doing good deeds when you stumble into an AM/PM at 2:15 am  with someone who’s name you can’t remember and need some prophylactics, lest the Mistake you’re about to make turn into a Big Mistake.

But still, “Hold on, let me put it on. Ah shit, now I’m thinking about Hotel Rwanda… … fuck. Hey, it happens to a lot of guys…”

Oh, wait, I just clicked the link, it’s not even for Africa, it’s for the fucking Americans. Is the economy seriously that bad? I’m sure available contraception helps, but isn’t the lack of sex ed really the problem? That and all the beers it took to seal the deal?

Whatever. I got some mixed berry flavor generic nyquil at the store. I phantasy-ed it would taste better than cherry. I was wrong.

Exhibit C: …I so wish this were real. I mean, I’m sure that’s basically how it went down.

“Shut the fuck up and listen to me for one second Rod. And I want you to listen carefully, because this is the last time I’m ever going to talk to you. You are fucking dead to me. You been fucking dead to Barack since ’06, now you’re dead to me. Know what that means? That means you’re dead to my people in Chicago, Daley on down, and all these friends you think you have aren’t gonna touch you with a ten foot fucking pole… Listen up asshole. The shit’s gonna hit the fan, maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, and when Fitz finally brings down the hammer it’s gonna be my name that’s going through your head. You won’t know the hows or the fucking whys, but it’s gonna have my fucking fingerprints all over it. Have a great life fatso.”

-Rahm Emanuel