I hear that shizz. An easy and healthy thing I like to whip up is roasted vegetables. They’re super-easy, healthy, and superextradelicious. I was, formerly, really un-keen on the vegetable thing, but slap a teaspoon or two of olive oil on a bunch of asparagus (bottom inch cut off, mister, because we don’t play around here) and stick the whole thing on a cookie sheet in a 425 degree oven for about 20 minutes (or until crispy — nothing is good unless it’s crispy, with the exception of things that are not meant to crisp), and there you go. You’re cookin’ with FIRE.

“if I hate something, everyone should.”

I like where your head’s at, Tess.

I like food, but I’m a horrible cook and I’m trying to lose weight right now, so my diet consists of a lot of applesauce and that pre-cooked, pre-spiced, pre-sliced chicken breast they sell in re-sealable bags in the lunchmeats section.

I need some vicodin. I mean, you can’t take away one source of pleasure and not fill it with another and expect your shit to be correct.