Monthly Archives: May 2009

Chuck me.

Posted by August Bravo on

Hey, what are you watching?

"Hey, what are you watching?"

Season finales. I love them. They’re the show’s last chance before the network decides whether or not they’re going to ax it. In the case of Chuck, that’s exactly what they were going for. Their last hurrah of sorts. While I only started watching this show just recently, it’s become apparent for nerds, like me, to watch it. It tells a gripping tale of the protagonist, Chuck, who had an intersect downloaded into his head. Basically, it’s just a computer containing all the government’s secrets. Two spies are sent to keep a constant eye on him. One is a tough guy named Casey who is sent to work with him. The other is a sultry princess with looks that are beyond any actual person named Sarah.

I would do dirty, dirty things to/for this woman. Like her laundry!

I would do dirty, dirty things to this woman.

Chuck and Sarah stage a fictional relationship for this to seem normal. Aside from all the danger and chaos they get into, it has got its sappy moments as well. One of the best things about this show is that it has the same producer as the O.C. (Which you all secretly love, except you Benjamin. We all know you love it.), so the music is guaranteed to be awesome. At least until the third season when Marissa dies.

Whooops.

Whooops. Did I spoil this?

So the second season starts to wrap up with Chuck finding out more about his sometimes non-existent father. It turns out that it’s his father, who he hardly knew, that built the intersect. And, something that pleased Chuck very much, his father that got the intersect out of his head. Chuck never really saw himself as a spy, mainly because he has a body type that resembles mine. And it’s not like I’m a moonlight spy. Or am I???? No, I’m actually not. The last episode consists of Chuck’s sister finally getting married. It was a huge thing for their dad to be there, so it was Chuck who brought them together. Behind the scenes, there was another intersect being created throughout the series. An even better one. It was supposed to get implanted in the head of Chuck’s pseudo best friend who sent him the intersect in the first place. With an awesome cameo by Chevy Chase.

Not actually that awesome.

Not actually that awesome.

Crazier things start to happen. Chevy wants the intersect for some reason, the CIA wants Chuck’s friend to have it, it gets a little weird, but I’m totally into it. Basically, the wedding gets ruined by these two idiots.

Youve got a drunk and an indian lesbian.

You've got a drunk and an indian lesbian.

But Chevy is actually to blame as they had to stall for Chuck. I’d like to tell you the end, but the last 5 minutes are really the pivotal part of the series. The reason why NBC shouldn’t ax this fucking awesomely monumental show. I guess you’ll just have to watch it yourself. But seriously, is this isn’t reason enough to watch it?

Every nerd herds fantasy

Every nerd herd's fantasy

Next up, Heroes!

May the Gods grant thee all that thy heart desires.

Posted by Marco Sparks on

If I had a time machine, I’d travel to 2010 right this fucking second.

An abridged version of my reaction to the 4 minute pre-credits opening teaser to the episode: “Oh, hey, is that…?” “Well, look at that.” “Hmmm.” “I bet that’s… Oh, it totally is.” “Who’s this fucker? And who’s this other fucker?” “Are they… Is that… HOLY SHIT.”

There’s not even words to formulate an abridged version to my reaction to the ending. I’m literally typing this 8 minutes after the ending of the show and I feel like I got fucked hard. Or kicked in the balls hard, and it was glorious. I saw the light. Destiny found.

Looking around the room in the sweaty, luminescent afterglow, I see my underwear hanging from the ceiling fan. My pants are outside. I only have one sock on and the other is probably floating around there in time and space. I’m going to take a moment to collect all the various parts of myself, including my thoughts, and then come back with some quick thoughts on the season finale of Lost, entitled “The Incident.”

The Incident? You can sure as shit say that again, man.

The episode starts perfectly: Two guys enjoying a little chat on the beach as they scan the news on the horizon. They’re apparently (im)mortal enemies, working against or at least in conflict with each other, but there are rules to their engagements. One of these guys is Jacob and the other, the one who thinks that it always comes back to mortal sin, goes unnamed. And this tender little moment where one swears to the other that he’ll find a way to kill him? It all takes place in the shadow of the statue.

I just love that they can set up a huge overarching mythos for the show and this season in particular in the four minute teaser to the season finale and it already feels so natural and perfect.

Ben. Ben’s had one of the major storylines/character arcs this year and… Well. How fascinating that Ben has become the exact opposite of what we’ve known him as for the entire show so far: A victim. Haven’t you heard, Ben? Only fools are enslaved by time and space.

from here.

The statue:

Goddamn. Look at that fucking thing. Most likely, that’s still Anubis because of the ankhs, but there’s also the theories about Taweret (nahh) and Sobek, which actually make sense too. Sobek was a creator God and also carried around ankhs.

In fact, no, never mind, that is totally Sobek. You can tell by the crocodile mouth.

Jacob. More on him soon, because… it’s kind of hard even wrap your head around this character, you know?

But I find it very interesting that when he visited characters in the past, he always made sure to touch them. Physically. And the camera made sure to let you know that.

Is that his personal way of wrapping destiny around  you in such a way to deliver you to the Island?

Or is he giving them a second chance at life, not just in the moments he touches them, but in a reset post-Eden world? Are they still prisoners to time or are they free? Is the destiny that they’ll find in 2010 the ones that they themselves will create?

Little Kate. Wasn’t she adorable?

And she totally had the right stuff.

Big Kate. Not so bad, but you’re kind of all over the place here, Kate. But so were all of your friends too.

Jack. Jack does come off kind of crazy here, and a little possessed, but I guess it’s nice to see him there, to see him not so apathetic anymore. Also, Jack has a bomb! On one hand, there’s something very noble about his wanting to hit the reset button and see what was meant to be, but on the other hand, wouldn’t it be more noble to win back Kate the hard way? I’m going to have to agree with Sawyer on “what’s done is done” and suggest that if Jack wanted to be worthy of Kate, then he should get to work on being worthy of Kate. But then again, blowing shit up is also cool and they have to do that at the end of every season, right?

Desmond. I don’t mind mentioning that the last three episodes have suffered from an extreme lack of him, but maybe it’s for the best. For both Henry Ian Cusick and the show legally but also… Well, it’s nice that Desmond and Penny got a happy ending to this season.

Evil Twin John Locke. Oooh, Jacob’s Enemy is interesting, isn’t he? Knowing what we know now, I love that in “Follow The Leader” he made sure to have Richard go talk to his past self/past Locke to ensure that Locke does indeed leave the Island and meet his fate (death) like he’s supposed to.

The Real John Locke. You know what? This feels like the perfect ending to the real Locke’s storyline. Throughout all of his struggles to be his own man, to be something more than himself, he was always being used by somebody for something. Even after he died. Also, I loved that they used the same camera angel reveal for his body here that was used in the funeral home at the end of last season’s finale when they opened that mystery box.

The ending to every classic science fiction time travel story ever. I like how Miles has seen at least one and can suggest that maybe this is a predestination paradox. Which all leads wonderfully to…

“Aw, fuck it.” Isn’t that the gist of the rest of the 815ers in ’77′s decision? It kind of echoes Sayid’s sentiments from the previous episode. Either Jack/Faraday was right and this will work or at least they’ll all be put out of their misery and go down swinging.

Charlie. I like how the show is starting to slowly fold back in on itself, ouroboros-style, echoing itself.

Foreshadowing. It was all over this episode and hinting at nothing but bad things for Juliet. And then bad things happened to Juliet. And then that glorious ending…

Sawyer. I’ll say this for Sawyer: “What’s done is done.” That and he’s the kind of guy who kicks a man in the balls…

Bro Fight! This starts off a serious tussle, with some solid punches being thrown, some manly grimaces and growls, and even a kick in the balls They Live-style. Nice. But then it quickly devolves into…

A coupla guys having a sad little cat fight in the jungle. That may be a little harsh but still. Beat some sense into each other, fellas, if you can.

Everything That Rises Must Converge by Flannery O’Connor. You have interesting taste in literature, Jacob.

Rose and Bernard. I respect their new take on life up to a point. To them, it’s not “whatever happened, happened,” but “whatever happens, happens.” They’re very much in the present day, living each moment as it comes and enjoying it as if it’s the last, as long as they’re together. That’s nice and sweet and all, but it’s also a kind of giving up. But for them, it makes sense since every moment they’ve had on the Island so far has felt like borrowed time to them. But more to the point: Are they the Adam and Eve skeletons?

The Rules. There are so many. One set applies to Jacob and his Enemy. But there’s also rules to time travel, iron clad rules it would seem, and I’m happy that so far the show has never deviated from those rules. In fact, every fascinating thing they do only seems to reinforce the stated rules when all is said and done. But even those rules just need a loophole, right?

Time Travel. What do you think? Are our heroes going to make it home? Or, just like Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap, are they going to be left hoping that the next flash is the one that takes them home?

Sayid. Damn.

Sun and Jin. I was hoping these two would get back together this season, but having another thing to look forward to next year is not such a bad thing.

Quick theory on Jacob’s Enemy: He’s the smoke monster. A Loki/trickster type, one has no problem reading people and then impersonating them, especially the dead, and if you remember Ben’s judgment from a few episodes back then you’ll remember that Alex and Locke were never in the same room together. That and I’m going to assume that Jacob was never in that cabin, not that we’ve seen when Ben or Locke or Hurley visited it, and that it was Jacob’s Enemy.

Jacob’s Cabin. “Someone else has been using it.” I’d even theorize that Jacob’s Enemy was probably imprisoned there in the circle of ash and that when Locke came to visit and his foot disturbed the circle, he freed him. And not just freed him, he introduced himself to Jacob’s Enemy and gave him exactly what he’s been looking for all this time: A loophole.

Also, Jacob’s Enemy: would presumably be named Esau, right? That or Edom?

Locke, again. This whole season the writers of this show have been working a magnificent magic trick on us with this character, playing on what we’ve always wanted to see and what little knowledge we’ve had about where all this is going. The knowledge they’ve given us. The knowledge we’ve followed faithfully, even when it conflicted with other knowledge they’ve given us, like the fact that “Dead is dead.” But I guess that’s just part of the beautiful dance that writers and con men have in common with their victims and audience: they desire to be so perfectly and wonderfully fooled.

People with guns. They just don’t understand shit at all. That’s why they have the guns, right?

The argument above is rendered invalid when it comes to hot girls with guns. They can do whatever they want pretty much always.

That guy Phil. He can eat a dick. Or a metal pole! Ha ha!

And let’s not forget this:

Or:

“Come on, you son of a bitch.” Great last line, great last moment. “The Fork In The Outlet?” Please, they may as well have just called this “One last WTF.” Way to go, Juliet. I think she shows, not just in that last moment, but in the entire episode that one person changing their mind can make all the difference.

One last thought for you, just a little something to hold you over for the next 8 months or so: THEY’RE COMING!

This Binary Universe.

Posted by Marco Sparks on

Season finale week continues!

Tonight is the two hour finale of Lost with a clips show before hand. In a word: Exciting!

And last night I subjected myself to the season finale of Fringe, entitled “There’s More Than One Of Everything.”

I guess the nicest thing I can say about this show is that compared to a lot of what else is out there on TV, it’s not horrible. It’s not godawful. It’s not even stupid or pointless.

It’s just weak. More often than not, though it’s had one or two bright spots. In fact, going back to my original review of the pilot, I kind of feel the same after forcing 20 episodes of this show upon myself: It sets up a nice laundry list of ridiculous sci fi concepts that I would love to see happen and then if panders to me enough to take one of those concepts down off the shelf, dust it off and play with it, it’s done kind of flaccidly.

It’s super cool sci fi concept du jour (that it has been leading up to all season, both cryptically and not so cryptically): Alternate realities. In fact, the show so far would have you believe that like The X-Files has aliens as their raison d’etre and every other probing into the supernatural or paranormal was just the garnish, for this show it’ll be invaders from a different universe.

It just reminds you that The X-files (minus the last two seasons) were so fucking good. What is this show doing wrong that that show did so right? The nice thing about this show is that basically everyone on here isn’t all “I WANT TO BELIEVE,” but more “I KIND OF HAVE TO BELIEVE BECAUSE THIS CRAZY SHIT IS JUST POPPING UP ALL UP IN MY BIZNESS 24/7!” Well, for the most part.

In fact, SPOILER FOR THE LAST IMAGE OF THE FINALE:

Very evocative of Planet Of The Apes, although the US remake of Life On Mars used essentially the same trick in the first five minutes of it’s pilot to key you into the fact that you were in a earlier section of the timeline, but it reminds me a lot of the first season of Lost. Remember back that far? I won’t go into it, but let’s put it this way, William Bell, the guy who seemingly has all the answers and has been mentioned but never seen in every single episode of this series thus far, well, he’s the hatch.

SPOILER FOR TIDBIT RIGHT BEFORE THE END OF THE FINALE:

Oooh. Alternate universes are hot right now.

At least in the mind of J.J. Abrams and his creative ilk, right?

Makes me wish I had an evil twin. You know what I mean?

Ultimately I did kinda like this episode. It wasn’t great, but it had some interesting reveals (the grave!) for an hour of sci fi television and I’ll probably take a peek at the second season in the fall (of which they’re already filming so there was a preview trailer for it at the end of the episode) just to see if this storyline advances anywhere interesting. Nimoy’s appearance here reminded me a lot of his appearance at the end of that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and I have my doubts on how long he’ll be with this show. But I have to give it kudos to how it took out David Robert Jones (which is the real name of Davie Bowie, in case you were wondering)(and it’s sad to see Jared Harris leave, because he was one of the most compelling things about this show, but he’s off to better things) by literally cutting him in half with a closed portal between worlds.

And how did it happen? Pacey ran out and pointed a remote control at him and clicked it. He turned off the TV on the window into another reality. There’s something so wonderfully meta in that that my fucking brain wants to explode.

But I still wish I had an evil twin.

I wish I had an evil twin!

Posted by Marco Sparks on

At work the other day I was sitting around bullshitting with my coworkers and somehow we came upon the joke of Obama’s evil twin. How, I don’t honestly remember, but let me assure you: Whatever it was, it was brilliant. So much so that all I remember is the evil twin’s name: BizarrObama.

No, you cannot! Mu ha ha ha ha!

I could go on bullshitting about it with for a while now, but I won’t. Just trust me, it’s hilar.

But how fucking cool would your own evil twin be?

What would it be like? What qualities do you possess that make you the good version of you?

So, so many questions, right?

And would dealing with your evil twin count as therapy?

As long as they don’t kill you, I guess.

And *gasp* could you be the evil twin?

Evil twin Marco Sparks has some razzle dazzle, don’t you think? But what is his evil twin name? Raoul Sparks? Hector Sparks?

They call it a medium because it’s neither rare nor well done.

Posted by Marco Sparks on

Season finale week continues!

Last week along, if you don’t watch TV or work n Monday nights like myself (or just plain don’t give a shit), you missed the season finales of shows like The Big Bang Theory, Little People, Big World, House, and Castle. But, to be honest, those shows kind of put me in the Who gives a shit? category.

House can be fun at times, but it’s not a show I’d recommend watching week after week for a lot of reasons. Just enjoy it on rainy day reruns. I’ve never seen Castle, which looks cartoonishly ridiculous, but I do fully support Nathan Fillion being allowed to do what he does for a payceck regularly.

As for the midgets… Yeah, I’ve watched the show, but again, not regularly. That’s a late night oddity, something you check out for the bizarreness of it all, and something I’d watch time and again before I would ever get into something like Jon and Kate Plus 8. Unless the show becomes all about their affairs. Then I’m cool with it.

Here’s a schedule of this month’s season finales.

And some previews for this week’s finales.

Speaking of previews for this week’s finales, here’s a list of things that people from Entertainment Weekly want to see happen in upcoming finales, and in particular, Lost‘s finale tomorrow night.

And speaking of season finales and cliffhangers and shock endings, this week’s Lost finale seemingy has not one but two shock endings. Nice.

“One of television’s great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs.”

-Alfred Hitchcock

I Shot J.R.

Posted by Marco Sparks on

Good question. You want to know who shot JR? I’ll tell you:

That’s right. It was me. And that’s not all. I also shot the Sheriff. But I did not shoot the deputy!

It’s season finale week here at Counterforce!

I don’t want much TV, very little at all, actually, but this season of television is starting to wind down and the few shows that I do watch are all coming to the end. The Dollhouse finale this past Friday was incredibly interesting but predictably didn’t give me that much of an erection, and while I’m enthusiastically looking forward to this Wednesday’s Lost finale, I’m alost much, much less enthusiastically looking forward to Tuesday’s Fringe finale , a show I gave up on the show three episodes in but recently caught up on everything via Hulu (Thanks, Hulu!)(I think).

In fact, speaking of the Dollhouse finale, this write up at the Onion’s AV Club basically sums up everything I want to say about it perfectly, especially when it talks about the last moment in the episode in which something happens that “struck me as effective in the abstract, but not the actual.” Well said. I agree completely.

Though I think that perhaps I’m actually considering picking up the season set on DVD when it comes out, just to see the last episode, entitled “Epitaph One,” which will remain unaired on FOX for reasons too complicated to go into. What I know about it is thus: It’s set 30 years after the series’ events so far, it’s post-apocalyptic, it guest stars Felicia Day, and it could easily inspire it’s own TV show. All of that is just intriguing enough for me, you know?

Ah, but as I said, it’s season finale week here, so things you can look forward to…

Benjamin Light will discover a long lost secret from his past SUDDENLY COME TO LIGHT!

August Bravo and Peanut St. Cosmo will discover that THEY’RE POSSIBLY RELATED?!

Lollipop Gomez will embark on A SEXY ADVENTURE! But not everything will be as it seems…

Conrad Noir will fall into a coma and WAKE UP IN THE FUTURE! (Which actually would be kind of cool, right?)

Occam Razor will come up with a plan, A DANGEROUS PLAN, and a crazy one, so crazy that it just might work. BUT DANGEROUS, UNEXPECTED THINGS HAPPEN (but don’t worry about Occam cause he’ll wake up in the shower next season and discover that it was all a dream)(Or will he?).

Just remember, NOT EVERYTHING IS AS IT SEEMS! Oh, wait, I already said that, didn’t I? But also NOT EVERYONE WILL SURVIVE! I mean, I sure hope I do. But everyone else? UP FOR GRABS. Also, there will be big reveals and lots of BIG SEXY EXPLOSIONS, so you should probably STAY TUNED!

You will be assimilated. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

Kate, WE HAVE TO GO BACK!

Oooh, so exciting, right?

Oedipus Rex.

Posted by Marco Sparks on

Happy Mother’s Day!

Granted, every day should be a day of appreciation and love for the woman who went through the agonizing torture of thrusting you out into the world, but this is our special Hallmark moment to celebrate, so you should be making the most of it!

I was going to do a really cheap post here and talk about nothing but my favorite MILFs…

…and maybe post copious amounts of pictures of them…

…pictures on top of pictures on top of pictures…

…but I decided against it. That’s far too below the high minded super intellectual-ness that is both myself and Counterforce. Well, for the most part.

Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson!

Instead! Let’s just look at excerpts from that now infamous interview Shia LeBeowulf from June’s issue of Playboy, shall we? We shall:

“She’s an ethereal angel,” he says of his mother, a former ballerina. “Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

That makes perfect sense, Shia. Not weird, not creepy at all. I’m not going to take any cheap shots here or talk about an Oedipus complex or anything related to that. He goes on to say:

“The nudity was weird, especially when her friends came over,” he tells Playboy. “All of them would just be naked around the house. That was strange for me, and it was really bizarre when my friends were there.

Oh, I should clarify there: Shia talks about how his mother was a bit of a hippie and would happily walk around naked whenever he had friends over. Maybe that’s a bit weird, I don’t know. I’m not going to judge. But I’ll play devil’s advocate here: She’s just being a good host? Who knows. More:

“You’ve got your little buds over, and Mom’s, like, playing naked connect the dots or whatever. She’s in the middle of goddess-group time, where it’s literally a bunch of naked women tracing auras around one another’s bodies with incense and then sitting together and humming for prolonged periods of time.”

You were a lucky boy, Shia. I hope your momma and you have an awesome day today. Do something great for her, okay?

That goes double for all of you Mother Lovers out there as well, okay?

The Final Frontier/Black holes and revelations.

Posted by Marco Sparks on

Here’s a scenario for you: Each day you get up, you eat something, you check your favorite website, and you masturbate (maybe not to your favorite website, but no one would blame you for it). Then you go do whatever it is you do, you laugh, you cry, you live a life both anxious and boring. You probably masturbate again and check your favorite website again (I’ll leave the order of those two up to you) and you go to sleep, dreaming your dreams of a bright future.

And here’s a thought for you: Twenty years from now, or maybe less as the novelty wave winds down to zero, someone will come along and remake your life. Or reboot it. It will start again, only it’ll be better told, faster and sharper, more to the point and simpler to digest for the tastes of the particular audience it’s made for. And it’ll have a brand new cast, younger and sexier. Time to start thinking about who will someday inherit the role of you, right?

It’s a thought that occurred to me during a viewing of J.J. Abrams’ reboot of the Star Trek franchise on Friday afternoon, and I intend it only half as an editorial on the film itself, and half as a comment on the times we live in. It’s sad that people truly believe there’s “no more original stories left to be told.” To me, that notion is suicidal. Life is all one original story that’s as yet untold. Sure, sometimes history repeats, and sometimes things are built on and referenced back to, but new and different things happen all the time. It’s up to you to either shape them or be shaped by them.

But that’s a story for another time. The story at hand is the new Star Trek movie, directed by J. J. Abrams and written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman.

On one level, this is an incredibly fun movie. It’s fast paced and funny, sometimes very exciting, and looks absolutely gorgeous on the big screen. A perfect introduction to this brave new world for someone who’s never ventured there, which was certainly the film’s prime directive. There’s a ridiculously cool number of lens flares all over the picture, but it’s a treat of beauty, both in story, cast, and the majesty of special effects and high minded enthusiasm in exciting science fiction.

On another level, there’s a ridiculous story a la Superman Returns (why doesn’t Nero start off by going and destroying that fucking star pre-supernova somewhere in that quarter of a century that he’s got to himself, and mind you, that must be a really big supernova, but hey, whatever)(I’ll guess we’ll just classify this under the Whatever happened, happened category), and while the film succeeds in the fun and exciting-ness, it never really feels like any of the characters are in any real danger. And in the end, you’re left with the same feeling you had walking out of Batman Begins: “How, that was cool. Now I want to see an actual Star Trek film!”

In fact, there’s black holes all throughout this film, some in the story and some in the plot itself. Some interesting things come popping out of them, both in the story and plot, but some interesting things also get sucked right back into them.

On one hand it’s very clear that the filmmakers wanted to do a reboot without having to actually do a reboot. There’s a nice meta-moment as the characters discuss what’s going on in their lives and actual come to a realization that they’re in an “alternate reality,” which I found fascinating. The film kind of dabbles in homage (which is now an art form all of it’s own) to the nostalgia and tropes of the original incarnation of the franchise, but without quite inspiring some of it’s own or understanding it.

The want for adventure from the original version is definitely here, but not the desire for exploration (which is fine since they’re trying to get a new franchise off the ground) or the high minded adult science fiction loftiness. It matches the original’s space opera qualities so perfectly, but also matches it’s campiness uncannily. Just the mechanics of things involved would give you pause in a more serious setting and make you wonder how some of this bunch would inhabit the jobs and roles they have. For example: Chekhov, a 17 year old constantly being left in charge of this great big starship when the others go off to play? That’s very interesting.

The cast: Over all, not too bad. Zachary Quinto, of Heroes fame (is that show still on?), brings a certain sense of humanity to very important role of Spock here but loses a little of Leonard Nimoy’s authoritative stance, I feel. Chris Pine as Kirk is not so bad, essentially playing the Kirk here as what he’s written as: A farm boy shit kicker who throws himself into pyrrhic victories that are too big for him, and he often gets his ass handed to him or finds himself hanging off a ledge somewhere.

Anton Yelchin, who’s character is a ridiculously accented boy wonder, and Karl Urban are actually both pretty good at the homages they play to their predecessors while still doing something new and making their roles interesting. Zoe Saldana, looking gorgeous in her sexy military outfit that’s laughably military) gets to do more than her predecessor ever got to do with the role, even when she is basically left as the supportive girlfriend in the second half of the movie.

I mentioned his authoritative stance in the role, and Leonard Nimoy is a treat to have back on the screen, proving just what I mean. He’ll always be the character of Spock, here called “Spock Prime,” and Quinto will always be the second guy to play the role, no matter how comfortably his falls into it. But regardless of that, watching Nimoy’s scenes, you have to be grateful that they didn’t make the obvious mistake of bringing back Shatner.

Simon Pegg seems to have a ridiculous amount of fun in his role as Scotty, the miracle worker of an engineer, and John Cho is decent, not great nor terrible, as Sulu, the Japanese man here played by a Korean man who was always sadly meant merely as a stand in for all Asians in this space version of Wagon Train. And then there’s the cameos: Tyler Perry as the head of Starfleet, or at least Starfleet Academy (because I hope that Starfleet would have better things to worry about than some cheating cadet), Rachel Nichols as an Orion (slave) girl, Ben Cross as Sarek, Spock’s dad, and Winona Ryder, totally wasted as Spock’s human mother.

And then there’s Eric Bana, of course, as the underwritten yet slightly over the top villain with a grudge from the future, Nero. Good name but things don’t seem to really jibe with him. But really, he’s just the excuse to get things rolling, to get the ball in motion, as it were. And sadly, all Star Trek villains tend to be an afterthought.

I guess my hope coming out of this is for another Star Trek TV show, but a good one. A modern one that doesn’t always play it safe or by the same formula. Something with production values worthy of it and a certain seriousness attached. Not with these characters, mind you, but something new, and something where you can take the time to become friends with the characters since here, as with all Star Trek movies, you’re just getting a few key moments with the caricatures of characters you’ve always loved.

Either way, with the depths of unwatchability and lack of popularity this franchise has been sinking into in the past decade or so, this reboot was always inevitable. They tried a pretty similar “Academy years” type idea back in the early 90s and something similarly militaristic just a few years ago. But the best course of action possible was this one, handing the franchise to Abrams and his stable of writers, including the guys from Fringe and Damon Lindelof from Lost. Casual or non fans or not, these guys (Lindelof more so than Orci and Kurtzman, obviously) make smart fiction and don’t do anything lightly. And it’s nice that Abrams gets to redeem himself for a lot of the negative online comments thrown at him for his rough draft script for Superman: Flyby.

Long story short, this is a big dumb wonderful popcorn type flick and worth the viewing. It’s wonderful escapism and you should check it out and enjoy it. It will boldly take you where a lot of people have gone before, but it’ll do so in a fun way, showing you bright new things.

Race relations and the darndest things.

Posted by Conrad Noir on

Fridays are boring.

Friday during the day, that is.

Friday nights… Well… Yeah.

You feel me?

Anyway. Off to see the new Star Trek movie with Sparks. Peace.

The Forever Man.

Posted by Marco Sparks on

It was rumored that last night’s Lost, entitled “Follow The Leader” was going to be a Richard Alpert-centric episode and I don’t know about you, but that gave me a bit of an erection. Aside from Faraday, who would have more answers on this Island than the man who, as far as we know, has been on it forever?

Well, it wasn’t quite an Alpert-centric episode, but he did feature prominently and it was a great episode. And more an importantly, the wheel of fire leading into the finale next week is all lit up and spinning…

So let’s do some quick thoughts on last night’s Lost, okay?

Locke. Man, this guy has impeccable timing, doesn’t he? And purpose too, which looks good on him. Maybe Ben killed off the pathetic feeble old man shell of Locke, the one hiding the true leader hidden within?

And I kind of love the ending of this episode. Like I’ve said before, to me, Ben has become one of the most compelling characters on television, so anything to genuinely illicit this reaction…

… is excellent. Locke has a calling know, he’s calling people out, he’s shaking things up, making his own destiny (past, present, and future) and inviting the underlings along. He seems to think there is a difference between “the Island” and “Jacob” and to prove that, he’s off to see the Wizard… and kill him.

Jack. Fuck the sandwiches, Jack has a destiny of his own. Or, at least he thinks he does and he’s grabbing that shit by the balls. More on that later, but like Sayid said, it’ll either work or put everyone out of their misery. Speaking of which…

Motherfucking Sayid is back. Also a character with impeccable timing. Not to get all fanboytastic on you nice folks, but next week’s finale has Sayid, Richard Alpert, Locke doing something crazy, Jack doing something crazy, a submarine, a hydrogen bomb, and leak of electromagnetic energy. How can you not have a little boner or wide on of awesomeness at the prospect of all of that?

Kate. Sometimes you’re a bit crazy with that Springsteen-esque born to run vibe, Freckles, but other times, like in this episode, you’re sensible as hell. But you can tell things are bad when Jack wants to get away from you. He wants to get away from you so bad that he’s willing to change history to basically have never met you, obliterating all the good times and wiping out people like Ji-Yeon and leading to the eventual death of Rose and putting Locke back in the chair. And causing poor Desmond to never reunite with Penny. I mean, the way Jack told her his plan there, so passionate about it, it almost makes sense and at the same time, it’s kind of heartbreaking too. There’s a lot of stuff that needs to be fixed. Or, a lot of stuff that needs to go so much more wrong that it can only go right.

Sawyer. Microsoft stock? I guess that works. And…

Juliet. I still love ya, baby. Handcuffed to Kate again? I like that too. It’s hot. But…

Sawyer, Juliet, and Kate. I can’t wait to watch this spinoff. For reals.

Dr. Pierre Chang. As much as I sometimes find Hurley to be a little too cheesy and a little too on the nose as a proxy for the fans (and there were serious verges of that in “Some Like It Hoth”)(I wonder if the Fourth Wall will be nothing to Hugo Reyes next year), this scene was awesome, in particular because of Pierre Chang. “You’re 46?” Ha ha.

Faraday. Still dead. And dead is dead and whatever happened, happened. Unless it doesn’t happen. Cause then something else will happen. Something crazy. Speaking of which…

Young(er) Eloise Hawking. You know what? I totally have a crush on this woman. Granted, she’ll not only allow her son (she’s clearly pregnant in this episode already)(pregnant with the son she just shot in the back, mind you) to grow up to die but push him towards that fate just to keep the timeline exactly the same (which I think tells us a lot about what we should already know about next week’s episode), but she’s no bullshit and all move on it. “All right, let’s get started,” she says, just like she did (or will do) at the Lampost and they’re off and running. I like that.

Also, the Others circa 1977? Is it me or are these guys as shittily put together and run as the DHARMA Initiative? I’ve half surprised that this lot of Others didn’t accidentally wipe themselves out along with the DHARMA folk during the Purge.

Jughead! I think we all knew that this giant version of Chekhov’s Gun was due for a reappearance and this should get very interesting.

Richard Alpert. How great it would’ve been to actually get a flashback with him to… well, his origins, I guess is what we’re interesting, but it wouldn’t appear to be time for that yet. And on top of it, maybe that’s a bit of an editorial statement on what sort of character he is? We’ll see how that develops. But especially interesting is that while Richard seemed to be rooting for Ben, who we have to assume showed so many signs of being the One without possibly actually being the One, Richard then helped nudge things into the direction of Locke, and now… Well, now he’s worried that Locke’s very transparent style of leadership might be a problem. And he’s confiding that to Ben, which is even more interesting considering how icily their last talk went three years earlier right before Ben turned that frozen donkey wheel.

The frozen donkey wheel that, regardless of who was told to do it and who actually ended up doing it, was the instruction of the great and powerful Oz, er, Jacob via Christian Shephard (what a name, that). In fact, that episode last year was a lovely cliffhanger (“He wants us to move the Island)” leading you into the finale and now we have a nice counterpart: “I’m gonna kill the son of a bitch.”

Should be very, very interesting.

Next week: The Incident! From the preview it would appear that Jack and Sawyer have a showdown in the classic Jack vs. Locke style, more complications or stresses in the love quadrangle, and Richard Alpert has an axe:

Locke continues his mission to find Jacob and kill him, “There can only be one leader on the Island,” what’s inside Bram’s box (ha ha), and brand spanking new Jackface:

Exciting, right? See you right after.