Don’t you forget about me.

My generation had to be taken seriously because we were stopping things and burning things. We were able to initiate change, because we had such vast numbers. We were part of the baby boom, and when we moved, everything moved with us.”

-John Hughes.

RIP John Hughes.

Before actually entering high school, having no older siblings, I really thought that high school was going to be a lot like it was depicted in John Hughes’ movies.

And in some ways, yeah, sure, it was.

But maybe not nearly enough. Though I chalk that up to the general corniness of the 80s where Hughes did his best work and literally created the model for the modern teen film that took “young adults” seriously. And at the same time let them have their world of escape.

Back in 1999, Hughes spoke to Premiere magazine about how when he first screened The Breakfast Club for Universal, the studio executives hated it. “They said, ‘Kids won’t sit through it. There’s no action. There’s no party. There’s no nudity.’ But they were missing the one really key element of teendom, and that is that it feels as good to feel bad as it does to feel good. At that age, I remember, many times, staring out the window and feeling sorry for myself. ‘The whole world is against me. Nobody understands me.’ It’s a lot of fun. One of the great wonders of that age is that your emotions are open and fresh and raw. That’s why I stuck around that genre for so long.”

I didn’t love Ferris Bueller’s Day Off like others did. Actually, I much preferred it’s 90s television update, Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, but even I have to admit there’s something essential in the fantasy epic that is the life of Ferris Bueller, with his creepy best friend (who, once he gets down to the root of his problems, will become a much more interesting person than Ferris), and his incredibly foxy girlfriend who you know just has some kind of dangerous secret lurking beneath her sexy surfaces.

No bullshit: Mia Sara (though I was pretty crazy about Jennifer Grey’s character too) didn’t create them, but she certainly perfected both the ultimate girl masturbation fantasy of my early teens but also got me set down the possibly wrong path of the Hot, Cool Girlfriend Ideal, which, you have to admit, is at least more worthy than the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, right?

Drugs?

The death of John Hughes is absolutely heartbreaking. The fact that is was via heart attack is somehow poetically right. Think about this man and his oeuvre. And then try to think of another director who’s made the same quantity of harmless mainstream hits that can not only satisfy, but satisfy repeatedly, and have had a serious penetration of the zeitgeist.

A selection of his filmography as director (either as writer, director, producer, or some combo of the three):

The Breakfast Club.

Pretty In Pink.

Some Kind Of Wonderful (the reverse Pretty In Pink).

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Uncle Buck.

Weird Science.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

Curly Sue.

Home Alone.

If I had to place myself, and this is sad, I’d say that I was at the right age demographic to appreciate the first Home Alone, back in 1990, the year after Tim Burton’s Batman. How tragic is it that my first exposure to something like Weird Science – which, and let’s get this straight: I’m not claiming is a great movie, or that any of these are great by any means, but a movie of a certain kind of value – is through the USA TV show version with Vanessa Angel.

And now I live in a generation, the first of many, that won’t ever understand the appeal of someone like John Candy. With people like Chris Farley and those who may have succeeded that niche, something was diluted and lost. And will continue to be. I’m writing this post-dental surgery and earlier in the dentist’s office as I was waiting for the sadist’s gas to wear off, two of the hot nurses were actually discussing John Candy. One asked the other to name a single John Candy movie. The young woman thought for a moment and then said, “Canadian Bacon?” I was shocked that A) she actually remembered that movie of all movies, and B) that was the movie, to her, that was quintessential John Candy.

Without John Candy the John Hughes of the world are practically extinct.

The same for the Molly Ringwalds of the world. (Or pretty much the entire cast of The Breakast Club, but especially Judd Nelson.) The normal, awkward girl who could be cool. The everygirl (if you identified with her, as opposed to Ally Sheedy). And you could learn that inside every girl that you see at every high school has a whole world of tragedy and comedy and emotions and insight living inside her if you actually took five seconds out of your day to actually discover her. And if you did, you’d probably discover that she was just dying to give her panties to a geek.

And that’s where John Hughes came in, giving a voice to the often voiceless. Setting up a caste system in high school that’s imitated in almost every teen movie from then til now, from 10 Things I Hate About You to Disturbing Behavior to Mean Girls: That scene where a character has to intro us to the weird stereotypes and cliques that are absolutely “unique” to this school and this school alone. The brain/geek, the closeted Jake Ryan, the bad boy, the sportos and waistoids, the princess, the spaz and/or basket case, and he made none of them tragic nor heroic. He just made them as real as the cinema and the audience could stand.

Sea Dogs…

…was, up until the 16th century, the original name that mariners had for sharks:

As of right now, mariners and seamen (and women) don’t have a cooler nickname for pictures of hot girls with animal heads:

But you just know they’re working on it.

The other day, bored at work, Conrad and I noticed one of those stupid internet games and, just for shits and giggles, played along. This one: Go to google and put in your name followed by the word “needs,” as in “Conrad needs” and list the first five hits.

Five things that Conrad needs: Help, help, a friend, a kidney, and to die.

I’m still laughing at that.

Five things that Marco needs: A sleeping bag, help (always), a release (always), “to learn,” and a beer. Thanks, internet!

Obama let Kim and North Korea save face. But, also, Bill Clinton is still The Man.

The Village of the Twins. Twin Village!

How Netflix gets movies to your mailbox so fast.

Afghan elders strike truce with the Taliban.

HAARP energizing the ionosphere.

Porn for women more interested in raising some fast cash now rather than raising penises.

Newspapers vs. The Web: Has this war been fought before?

Mystery face found in archaeological dig.

Pandorum.

Axelrod’s son hired by HuffPo.

Sewage sludge kills White House veggie garden.

Curry war.

The Non-Profit Media Model?

Riding a Great White.

A drop (of blood) in the ocean.

Robo-Shark!

Bruce the Shark.

from here.

A Gross Of Goblins.

The Swine Flu is getting more serious, yo.

The corrections of the NYT.

Gym attack.

I don’t know how Kick Ass won’t be controversial.

The trailer for The Lovely Bones.

Teen Satanists may be a bit irrational. Hormones and hellfire mix oddly.

Wank, Austria.

Slow moving UFO over Washington state.

Vladimir Putin: Shirtless, horseback.

Fireman and his wife accidentally burn down house during hot, hot sex.

A cure for extinction?

Bubbles The Chimp to pen a tell all memoir about Michael Jackson. Shoot me now, people.

When worlds collide.

Completely unrelated to anything interesting or worthwhile, I was just watching the episode of Lost where Richard Alpert leaves the Island to go watch baby John Locke be born in the early 50s. This is, of course, because adult John Locke traveled back in time to visit Alpert a few years before that moment, told him when he was going to be born, and suggested that he drop by.

And then, coming into my online peripherals, was a promo image from the upcoming season (I’m busily making my way through the season 2 DVDs to get ready) of Mad Men, which is set in the 60s.

It occurs to me that somebody should really write atrociously bad fan fiction where Richard Alpert and Don Draper share words, a drink, and if you’re turning that fan fiction into slash fiction, perhaps an extramarital affair. But that’s up to you. (I don’t like that the only acting DNA that Lost and Mad Men share currently is that annoying guy Phil who thankfully got impaled in the season finale.) Personally, I’d totally watch a spinoff where Richard Alpert and Don Draper open up a bar in Key West and have to team up with pirates and Ernest Hemingway to seek out long lost ghost treasure. And they don’t bring Connor from Angel along with them.

No hugging, no learning

My first thought, upon walking out of the showing of (500) Day of Summer at the theater, was: Fuck. I wish I’d seen this movie 9 years ago instead of High Fidelity.

High Fidelity

Which is no knock on John Cusack’s last great film. But when Rob asks the question, “What came first, the music or the misery?” we all know what he means. We’ve got 3 generations raised on a shared history of pop songs, rom-coms and happy Hollywood endings. Rob still got his Hollywood Ending, more or less. For High Fidelity, it was daring enough to suggest a happy coupling with no plans of marriage.

500 DaysPoster

(500) Days of Summer is the movie for all those people who didn’t get the happy ending. It’s kind of an anti-romantic comedy, while still suggesting that the idea of romantic happiness isn’t totally absurd, just hard to attain. John Cusack convinced us, a decade ago, that with the right musical tastes, self-deprecation, painful yearning and a timely death in the family, you can, in fact Get Her Back. It made for an enjoyable movie, but did it not make High Fidelity ultimately as culpable as all those thousands of love songs Rob decries? High Fidelity told us what we wanted to hear, but (500) Days of Summer tells us what we need to hear.

Day 488

I’m not spoiling anything by telling you that Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel do not end up together. If they did, there’d be no reason to make this movie. This is a wonderful, charming, devastating, enjoyable movie that cuts very deep into your soul. If you are a man who walks out of this movie without seeing a piece of himself on the screen, then fuck you. This is not a movie of happy banter and meet-cutes, it’s about playing music by a band you know she likes, hoping she’ll notice, and getting nothing. As Chuck Palahniuk once wrote, back when he was good: “The one you love, and the one who loves you, are never, ever the same person.”

Tom and Summer

I could go on and on here, about the way the movie portrays memory in relationships to heighten the good or the bad, depending on mood, but there are other, better reviews written out there. I just wanted to say that I really liked this movie, probably my favorite of the year so far. I mean, what’s not to love about a film where Gordon-Levitt’s Tom Hansen looks at his reflection after nailing Zooey and sees Han Solo winking back at him? If Tom ultimately learns any life lessons, he’s willing to forget them immediately upon meeting a new target of infatuation at the end of the film. And ain’t that how it always goes.

We've all been here.

I’m telling you all this, because I’m going to absolutely bury the next movie I talk about. So don’t say Benjamin Light never liked a good film. I’m not pure hater; I just have standards.

Judd Apatow does not.

The movie review headlines just write themselves

The movie review headlines just write themselves

There a million flaws I could nitpick in Funny People, but I just want to focus on one scene and one joke. They do well enough to illustrate Judd’s complete lack of talent. (Yes, I actually watched this movie. I am a masochist. It’s 2 and half fucking hours long. Seriously)

Adam Sandler’s George Simmons has beaten cancer and gone up to Nor-Cal to steal Leslie Mann away from her husband. Leslie obliges by making George go down on her, then forcing him to watch a home video of her older daughter performing Cats in a school play. George finds it vaguely entertaining in a “youtube unintentional comedy” sort of way, and when Leslie calls him on it later, he’s like look, I’ve been to Broadway, I’ve seen the real Cats.

Leslie Mann glances over at the Hollywood Actor she's cheating on Judd with

Leslie Mann glances over at the Hollywood Actor she's cheating on Judd with

Properly delivered, and with balls, this is a great joke. Comedy is about taking risks, after all. There’s plenty of laughs to be mined in telling someone that their kid is a hack. But here’s the problem: it’s Judd Apatow’s kid. And Leslie Mann is Judd’s wife. If Judd had any balls as a comedian at all, he’d play a joke like this up. But instead, it gets tossed off a signal to the audience that George is To Be Frowned At. Because how could you not like watching Judd’s cute kids in their home videos?

And therein lies the problem with Apatow. Always striving for the sentimental bullshit he didn’t earn. He name-checks Seinfeld, but he’s learned (sic) nothing from Larry David?

The Gold Standard

The Gold Standard

This is also another example of the Peter Jackson corollary: if you feature your kids prominently in more than 100 frames of your movie, you’re a self-indulgent ass. Nobody cares about your wife and kids, Judd. Your movie is an hour too long and real comedians would have taken the piss out of a mom who entertains herself by putting peanut butter on her face for the dog to lick off. There’s actually a whole scene devoted to letting us know that Leslie Mann still fits into her old jeans and has nice abs. Yeah, we get it, Judd. Bully for you. P.S. You’re Jewish? Hoolllly Shit! I never would have known that. You only announce it five times in every one of your movies, as if anyone in 2009 America gives a shit about your religion.

"These two pages are the script, we improv all the unfunny bits."

"These two pages are the script, we improv all the unfunny bits."

It’s nice to see that audiences are finally moving beyond this hackish crap. Which doesn’t mean that Americans are getting less stupid, but even they know to look askance at a movie that calls itself Funny People and delivers ads that are not. $23 million opening for a $75 million budget film? That’ll put the brakes on the Apatow mediocrity train. “The Third Film From Judd Apatow” intones to trailer. Christ, what a prick. Sorry, Judd, but even hiring Speilberg’s D.P. won’t make you a good director.

There is hope. (500) Days of Summer averaged more $$ per screen than Funny People.

There is hope. (500) Days of Summer averaged more $$ per screen than Funny People.

In conclusion: Benjamin Light has been saying that Apatow and Rogen sucked for two years. Nobody wanted to admit it, but now you know. People will call this a “backlash,” when Judd was never very talented to begin with, he just had a knack for hating women and appealing to the mouth-breathing mediocrity of his base. Gravy train’s over, Judd. Go ask the Farrelley’s how the ride back down the hill feels. Counterforce 1, America 0.

Forgotten Books and the books you can’t forget.

from here.

Once I began a book, I couldn’t put it down. It was like an addiction; I read while I ate, on the train, in bed until late at night, in school, where I’d keep the book hidden so I could read during class. But I had almost no desire to talk with anyone about the experience I gained through books and music. I felt happy just being me and no one else.

-Haruki Murakami.

The politics of the here and now.

from here.

I like that Obama can get away with moves that we’d all hate Bush for doing. Yeah, it’s a kind of double standard, but it also goes back to this: Who would you rather get a beer with, Obama or Bush? If you answered “Bush” to that question, then keep it to yourself.