Counterforce

So, FLASHBACK to last Saturday night… I was online, Maria was online, and we were waxing nostalgic and poetic about bullshit and what have you, talking about music and the internet, and finally Maria suggested that I should be the DJ at her imaginary wedding to her imaginary husband. And I chuckled at that and asked, “Which one?” and then it got me thinking…

Sure, why not?

Fuck it, I’ll DJ your wedding, Maria. But here’s the thing about love: It’s fleeting. Or, it’s far off. It’s on the horizon or it’s sailing away. In the story of all people our age and whatever, we’re all lighthouses. Keep on shining, be a beacon, whatever. Love comes and goes, but music and what it does to you sticks around.

So just throw a pretend wedding. Invitations, caterer, everything. Just tell people that the ceremony itself, that’s going to be so tiny, but the reception is where you want your friends and family. That’s where it’s at. Make them come in formal wear and just laugh cause you know they’re going to leave a sweaty mess.

But once that’s decided, then comes the serious part: The music.

from here.

I’ve only been to a handful of wedding receptions to be honest. Half were when I was a kid and didn’t understand why adults got so giddy at the magical phrase “Open bar” and half were as an “adult,” which I kept repeating that chant over and over again and the universe kept delivering me something else: “Cash bar.” Or worse: “No bar (we’re weirdo religious).”

But in those receptions, I remember them being… well, not spectacular. Not like “in the movies.” Have you ever seen Rachel Getting Married? Half that movie is about Anne Hathaway’s character fucking up and being fucked up by her life and the other half is about an amazing wedding reception.

I want to attend that. I want to crash that, really. I want to watch people drinking and dancing, their bodies unlocked by worries and fears about money and the future. I want to see people getting crazy and for the music to be great and for the booze to be flowing. I want it to be an amazing party, a night to remember, for sure. No thoughts about a doomed marriage, a future bleak afternoon in a lawyer’s office as divorce papers are drawn up and children cry when they’re asked which parent they want to live with, none of that on the horizon. I want to go to a wedding reception where no one cares that the Titanic is going down, because the band is playing on!

Okay, okay, okay. So, people start to show up, right? No one is ready to party the very second they walk in the door, that’s crazy. You have to let the juice get into their bloodstream, both literally and figuratively. So, as they walk in, the music will be simple, nothing too fancy, nothing too off the chain. Just some shit you can do some light toe tapping to, but then… out of nowhere… this:

When Zelma from C&C Music Factory kindly instructs those gathered that it is now the time for “everybody dance now,” I think it’s pretty clear that the night as begun. Perhaps cheesily, but that’s irrelevant. You get up, roll your sleeves up, kick your shoes off if necessary and start moving (and you ignore the fact that it’s actually not Zelma singing, but Martha Wash, because of some record industry bullshit about how a woman can have a big voice and nothing else).

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a silly 90s nostalgia party. We’re going to move it closer to the here and now. In fact, honestly, this is going to be a indie club night, just in formal dress. Some more music:

“Lasso” by Phoenix, from their last album, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix, though I’d also consider “Everything Is Everything,” from their first album. And then…

“15 Minutes” by the Greenskeepers. And then…

Some Royksopp, probably. Probably “So Easy” by them. And some Ima Robot, I think. New Young Pony Club, too. And “Echoes” by The Rapture, certainly. And “Hummer” by Foals, maybe? Then…

“Far Away” by Cut Copy, fuck yeah. This song is so amazing. Right now, this song is my life. Right now, if you don’t like this song, I will fight you. I will take you outside and I will make your head bleed. You will be crying on the sidewalk, your insides on the outside on the sidewalk, and people will take pictures and post that shit on Facebook! But not right now. Now this is playing. Though, come to think of it, there’s a slight theme and maybe I should’ve used “Saturdays” by Cut Copy instead?

At some point, the night will slow a bit, get jazzier, smoother…

…starting with A Tribe Called Quest’s “Can I Kick It?” Then what, then what, then what…

“Apart From This” by the Mountaineers, definitely. After that, you’ll get the usuals, I think, the “fan favorites.” There’ll be the Rakes, and the Gossip, and there’ll be some Bloc Party, even though they kind of severely bore me now. And “Gimme Sympathy” by Metric, I think. Telefon Tel Aviv are going to make an appearance somewhere in here, and Ratatat too, and this is about where a family member starts throwing up from drinking too much and dancing too fucking hard. But the beat goes on, and, because I’m crazy and so are you, some Uffie, maybe “First Love,” probably? Oh, and The-Dream is totally happening in this night, totally. Then some Kenna, probably with both “Free Time” and…

“Out Of Control” from his last album, Make Sure They See My Face. That song comes on somewhere, anywhere, even a grocery store, or a funeral, anywhere, you should be moving in some way. It’d be a crime not to.

from here.

And see, that’s the thing about dancing… I’m not much of a dancer, not really. But I respect that there’s something that happens, something magical, something chemical, when loud music comes on and it taps into you and it changes you and you start moving to it. Do it right and you can get the same feeling when you go to the gym. Get your ass on the treadmill and turn up your jam and start sweating and send yourself on some kind of euphoric dream quest. It’s the cheapest, simplest, most exciting way to work yourself through some of your issues.

Anyway, more music:

“I Get Around” by Dragonette (the Midnight Juggernauts remix). This song is pure, moving sex set to tuneage. Dragonette’s not bad on their own, but the Midnight Juggernauts are amazing. Throw them and Cut Copy together and you’ve got a hell of a little dance party all by yourself in your bedroom, if nothing else.

Let’s see, what else… Crystal Castles, maybe. And Major Lazer. Junior Boys will be happening somewhere around here, as well. And Grand National and the Pipettes. And Daft Punk’s “Face To Face.” And MSTRKRFT. And Earth, Wind, and Fire. Seriously. And then…

That’s “White Hot Magic” by the Polyamorous Affair. I love that track. It’s the business. Continuing…

And I know it’s not cool to like them, especially after they covered Joy Division’s “Shadowplay,” but fuck it: I like the Killers, so they’re going to make an appearance. And I can possibly throw in Spoon for all of you kids out there who think you’re cool. Also “Atomic” by Blondie, which will always be cool. And Usher, because I know Maria loves herself some Usher. Then Los Campesinos and Ladytron, and then some old school Madonna, then…

“The Samurai In Autumn” by Pet Shop Boys, definitely. Then “Animal” by Miike Snow. And “A Little Respect” by Erasure, which I know is a favorite of Maria’s. And then some Prince, somewhere in there, because I like Prince, and so does Conrad Noir. Then… “Sore Thumb” by Fujiya & Miyagi. Then, Le Loup’s “We Are Gods! We re Wolves!” and the Unicorns, I think. Can you dance to those? I don’t know. Can you dance to the Postal Service?

Then… Fischerspooner. I’ve always liked “Kick In The Teeth,” but for this party… maybe “The 15th” or “Get Confused,” I think. This is all a precursor to playing Death From Above 1979, naturally. Then TV On The Radio, probably “Wolf Like Me” because all the kids know that one, and then…

“We Share Our Mother’s Health” by the Knife. That’s, if nothing else, just to remind you that the night is still weird. But even the weirdest night just can’t last forever, can it?

So the question becomes… how do we end this beast?

Originally, I was thinking, just play “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. That’s a great closer, a crowd pleaser, sends you out on a longing, loving high, doesn’t it? But this isn’t a dinner party. This has become a dirty synthy euro club. We possibly need something more neon. I farmed this question out to bride to be, Maria herself, and she suggested “Shake It Off” by Maria Carey. I feel where she’s coming from there, but after this mess we’ve worked up, I feel like we need something more euro, more synthy, as I said…

I mentioned that to her and she then suggested either some New Order, which is always good, or perhaps…

“Enjoy The Silence” by Depeche Mode. Perhaps the silence is coming after I kick everyone out. Don’t go home if you don’t want, I don’t care. The wedding’s over, now’s the dark, nasty party. The post-nuptial future, the settling into a sense of “liveable hatred.” Enjoy it because words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm…