I’d like to start a new feature called “Why Won’t You Just Die Already?”
Don't tease us, asshole
Here at The Counterforce, we believe that good things happen to good people. Imagine my thrill when I read about 80s gutter trash bret michaels suffering a brain hemorrhage. It was like hearing that your favorite baseball pitcher was taking a no-hitter into the eighth. But alas, he has, as of yet, cheated death. And seriously, wouldn’t dying be his most sensible career move?
We can still hope. Cross your fingers, kight a candle, kill a chicken. Or, as Big Ben Roethlisberger would say, “All my bitches, take some shots!” If we all think good thoughts, maybe the world will reward us.
This guy's a rapist?? GTFO!
But I digress. Marco and I were talking recently about Radio. Used to be, if you wanted to hear the new shit, you tuned in to your favorite alt-station. Ok, so those old stations probably played tons of shit, but leave us our idealized youths. They played good stuff too, I swear! But today. Today. Fuck me. Have you even tried listening to a modern radio station? Jesus.
What fascinates me is that all those old shitty songs from the 90s still get a ton of play. I mean who the fuck actually wants to hear fucking ‘Give it Away’ again? And yet there is this eternal playlist of shitty modern rock songs that just will not die. This must be how our parents felt about Donovan and Otis Redding. So, today, we will focus on the music that just won’t go away. This short list will be no means be exhaustive, I would encourage you all to add your suggestions in the comments.
3 AM – Matchbox Twenty
- He wants to push you around.
Have you ever met a single person ever who actually likes this band? Rob Thomas must suck the dicks of some very important people.
Give Me One Reason – Tracy Chapman
- No! We refuse to give you even one reason. Go away!
This is what’s playing on repeat at the Starbucks in Hell.
Save Tonight – Eagle-eyed Cherry
- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The musical equivalent of drinking one of those little pre-packaged sealed cups of dairy creamer.
Torn – Natalie Imbruglia
- Ironically enough, Natalie’s Singles compilation is also a single.
This one makes no sense at all. She was a one-hit wonder from Convict Island, so it’s not like the stations have a payola contract with her to burn off.
Meet Virginia – Train
- In case you didn’t hear, her father works on carburetors.
Possibly the most asinine song ever.
Give It Away – Red Hot Chili Peppers
- Seeing this picture will cause you to reach for the tuner on your stereo, just out of reflex.
Why do our favorite bands always tend to fade after a few albums, but these motherfuckers just stick around forever, still pumping out shit? Their new stuff is bad enough, but after all these years, Give It Away is still making everyone change the radio station, even if it’s to a commercial.
Fly Away – Lenny Kravitz
- As my good friend Erotikus once said, ‘Rock is dead, and Lenny Kravitz is fucking the corpse.’
It’s not like this was a good song that got played too much, it was a steaming pile of shit even when it came out. And it STILL GETS FUCKING AIRPLAY! Who are these people who enjoy the stylings of Lenny Kravitz??? Please suicide yourselves.
I’m sure you can think of additional candidates.
