“A man sets out to draw the world. As the years go by, he peoples a space with images of provinces, kingdoms, mountains, bays, ships, islands, fishes, rooms, instruments, stars, horses, and individuals. A short time before he dies, he discovers that the patient labyrinth of lines traces the lineaments of his own face.”
“I really want to see this, it looks interesting……….”
“I’m looking forward to see it “
“Pessimo gusto artistico..pessima interpretazione… mi aspettavo molto di piu’… troppo satico trama banale fatta la risposta a tutto cio’ è la semplicità e quindi…in fondo non c’è niente da capire oltre alla storia stessa che è riuscita a mala pena a spiegarsi attraverso quel povero e scarso linguaggio cinematografico… si vede il cinema danese come qualcosa di futuristico di innovativo…io vedo tutto cio’ solo come un obbiettivo non del tutto raggiunto.”
“Look’s crap” and “Look’s boring.”
“Um. Gross. Willem dafoe should never fornicate.”
“What is this movie about? Is the woman the anitchrist or the guy?”
“I think that antichrist is something being deep inside our nature that makes all of us to live in pain, grief, despair, fear, – to hate one another and to hate ourself…”
“LOL that’s deep. Agreed.”
“Theory: You’re an idiot.”
“Theory: your theory is correct.”
“Looks retarded. And are they doing it in the woods at the end?”
“I was fortunate enough to see this movie, it’s pretty good.”
“Yes, you people go watch your nice love films with the happy ending and then cry cause your life is pathetic… Art is not for everybody… Thanks, Satan!”
“Terrible movie. Why cant anyone produce a real movie with a real story? As for sex scenes in movies, that is so 1980′s. Nobody puts sex scenes in movies anymore, or even tits. Its retarted. If I want to see a sex scene ill just watch a porno.”
Editor’s note: You’d be amazed at how many typos or simple grammatical errors I’ve corrected so far, especially since I have too hard of a time just copying and pasting it that way. However, some of these things I will leave as the original comment’s author intended though. To do otherwise might prove to be, ahem, retarted.
“McAmerica is no longer a true Western Nation, since most of it is now produced in China. McAmerica, made in China. Now available at Walmart.”
“What a pithy and educated depiction, you must have escaped the pervasive westernizer gew gaw that transmits from the peak of the Washington monument and tranquilizes the sheepish populace into a Dorito-stained stupor. or at the very least, you’re certainly smarter having never been around it. in Mohamed’s name we praise peace, love, and understanding.”
Editor’s note: In the previous comment, that commenter was replying to another commenter whose screen name was a play on Mohamed, but I changed it.
“American movie goers are so dumb, all studios have to produce these days is REMAKES. ‘Duuuurgh dis a good movie. better dis time coz they dun took out most of da talkin and put in more cgi duuuurgh nukes.’”
“Hey man… hey… fuck you, okay!?”
“…in places like France, Spain, Italy the culture is to enjoy life. To spend forever at lunch, to sit in the sun discussing politics or history, to go to markets and street fairs. They go to Bistros, Cafes, Pubs. In America they go to Walmart. They go to Macdonald’s. They go to CVS to pick up medication to relieve the McBlockage their diet has produced in their colon.
Contemporary Americans don’t value life, or art, or culture. They value money. Contemporary American cinema reflects this.
It’s a sweeping generalization sure, but the fact remains American cinema has taking a creative nose dive over the past ten years.
Something you brits may not know, but Americans are utterly obsessed with making money. They value their bank accounts more than anything else. This is why America’s economy is so large, but quality of life is so utterly appalling. They work hard, then sit. They buy cheap, and dispose of it. Big is better. The word ‘quality’ doesn’t exist in American dictionaries.”
“I’m American and I have to agree with you 100%. This doesn’t mean I hate Americans or am an asshole but I fully believe that most Americans are slaves to the money and the wrong idea of enjoying life’s riches. Work, then sit and overeat and watch stupid reality television that glorifies violence and idiocy. Creativity and the love of the world is missing from most Americans nowadays so why would American cinema even try to make these creative artistic movies when they raise us on violent pure shit.”
“Wow… How pretentious of you to make such a wide generalization of American culture. Art is meant to make you feel something… Whether thats fear, love, disgust… All acceptable and sought for reactions. This film isn’t targeted towards mainstream audiences, so some people can’t connect with the style of film… Just the reality of the world we live in.”
“You’re calling ME pretentious? What about Hollywood? The primary source of American film culture? American film studios pump out movies so dumbed down that a mentally handicapped chimpanzee would be disappointed by lack of mental stimulation.
They’re well aware of how closed minded American movie goers are, and tailor films accordingly. Here’s what the average American says about ‘Art’.
‘Art’s fer fags n Euroqueers, freedom.’”
“Admittedly American films are often without intellectual content. But in my opinion European films head to the other direction, they try to hard to appear sophisticated that the storyline and character development of their movies suffer.”
“European films don’t have the same budgets, so they have to rely on (real or imaged) intellect. They very often seek to explore human nature, which from a cynical Europeans pov is a very disturbing subject.
Like you said, stories and character development are often lacking.
But we can say the same about Hollywood. Brits make some good films. Depressing as they are.”
“You are fully (aw)are I assume that Lars Von Trier isn’t British and that the entire cannon of British cinema is not ‘depressing?’”
“CHAOS 4EVA!”
“It’s surely a bit ridiculous to say America is incapable of making good or, perhaps more importantly, worthwhile films. Just as it is equally ridiculous to say that all European/British films are ‘depressing.’”
Editor’s note: We’ll leave it up to you whether or not you think that British films are depressing.
“this movie sucks big time!!! i saw this movie in the theathre, and in the end everybody looked at each other with a look “WTF?!” this movie is a waste of your time!! I could’ve done it so much better, but noooooooo lars von trier is soooooooooooo special….i hate that stupid c*nt for making me spend my money on that movie!!”
“Bet over half the people talking shit about this film have simply read up the synopsis on wikipedia and made a decision on that basis. I saw it last week and quite enjoyed it, sure its nothing spectacular, but worth a watch in my opinion, intro is awesome heartwrenching watching the little boy fall to his death.”
“Lars Von Trier is a garbage director but this movie looks interesting……. Yes, America is getting there asses handed to them in the horror genre nowadays but still have more great horror films then any country. As of right now, the best horror movies are coming out of Europe, especially France with Inside and Martyrs which is the ultimate feel bad movie and in my top 10. The Nightmare On Elm Street remake is another example of America kicking itself in the face. why fix something that isnt broke?”
“‘still have more great horror films then any country As of right now.’
Um… Japan? You know, the country where at least 50% of American horror movies are ripped from. The Ring, The Grudge, Pulse, Dark Water… etc.”
“I don’t know. When I think horror movies, I think Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Freddy Kruger, It, Pet Cemetary, Psycho, Evil Dead, The Shining, Leppricon, Friday The 13th, Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead, Amytivill Horror, The Exorcist, and The Omen.
Editor’s note: I do believe that he of course meant Pet Semetary, Leprechaun, and The Amityville Horror.
“Every single one of those films was made during or before the 1980s. Save ‘IT’, I think that was made in 91, still 18 years ago. Thanks for proving my point. American horror is truly a thing of the past.”
“Great movie. Choice labia snippage. LOL!”
“This film was disturbing but fantastic at the same time.”
“What The Fuck Is Wrong With This Movie.”"Is that William Defoe talking?”
“Yep, it’s him.”
“Why don’t they just get the fuck out of the woods?”
“LMFAO, I could make a WAY better antichrist movie then this piece of shit.”
“Isnt that the green goblin? hahahaha.”
“kk There is a scene where she snips her clit off lol. And she also like if i remember hits his nuts with a board and then like jerks him off, and he cums blood. LOL.”
“Thumbs up if you found Willem Defoe’s pendulous ballsack hypnotic…”
“I didn’t get what this film was about. The acting was still great though.”
“I can see judging from the comments that this trailer has just created a majority of douchbags.”
“Stop fucking spamming the comments with your boring shit. JUST SHUTUP.
Anyway, can someone tell me what the underlying themes or messages this film is meant to have? I’ve been reading up alot about it lately and I’m not sure whether I want to pay to watch a lady cut her clitoris off if none of the film has any relevance or point…”
“What’s with the hands coming out beneath the tree? Can someone explain?”
“BORING” and also “Creepy.”
“NO FUCKING WAY!!! WHY DID I WATCH THIS… EW EW EW EW EW EW.”
“It’s not porn until you touch yourself.”
“‘Nature is Satan’s church.” An interesting statement…”
“I wouldn’t agree with that. Nature is the most beautiful thing.”
“I know, i never said I agreed with it. In fact I disagree, but interesting.”
“The idea of ‘nature being the devil’s church’ is taken from the greek god Pan. He was a satyr, half man, half goat and lascivious, who had horns on his head (i.e. the image of the Christian devil). The trailer doesn’t explain much about the movie’s plot though.”
“What happens in the woods, stays in da woods.”
“THIS COMMENT PAGE IS FULL OF PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE THEY ARE SMART AND KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT WHEN IN REALITY THEY ARE FUCKING STUPID.”
“hell yea i agree with u”
“Does this statement apply to you too, then?”
“No I’m not trying to act like a genius. Just someone who’s pissed off.”
“And now your one of them…plus you went and made it all caps to show just how pissed off you really are, but no one cares.”
“And I’m being told this by an idiot who doesn’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘your’e.’”
“Kickass movie.”
“It’s amazing the stories girls make up for a shag in the woods.”
“From the trailer, it looks like candy for aged degenerates. It could have a story but I’m sure that it is lost somewhere between the stressed visual effects and skin slapping. Yeah, just like any typical Hollywood plots.”
“This move scared the hell out of me, but it’s also one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I can see where some people wouldn’t like it, but it’s raw and it’s honest.”
“Poor Jesus…….. I bet his asking WTF i sthis shit?”
“A hyper-intellectual making horror movies for intellectuals – not quite the widest target audience. The only reason why people hate this movie is – they don’t understand it. I don’t get how this thing got into mainstream.”
“Lars Von Trier is not an intellectual. He’s Danish. Don’t let the foreign accent intimidate you, small fry.”
“I’m worried about the way it’s filmed. Looks documentary, and documentary related filming techic… IS NOT ENTERTAINING!”
“BUT WHAY THE HELL IS THE MOVIE CALLED “ANTICHRIST” IF IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. I DON’T GET IT!!!!!!!”
“Does the movie have to do anything with the title? If yes let me know. Or else I don’t want to watch.”
“Does it not portray the metaphor for witch craft? And therefore the title refers to the woman?
There is a painfully obvious bible metaphor in the forest of ‘eden’ and her book is called gynocide, which is a term coined by Mary Daly to make reference to the abnormally high amount of women murdered in early modern Europe for being witches.
That’s my take on the film.”
“What the fuck this is a fucked up movie?”
“I DO LOVE INDEPENDENT AND ODD MOVIES, BUT PLEASE SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ONE ABOUT!!!!! IT’S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I SAW IT AND I CAN’T UNDERSTAND IT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY!!!!!! PLEASE ANYONE EXPLAIN TO ME, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“There can’t be an antichrist because there was no christ, nor a god.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“You’re the idiot if you believe all of that bullshit.”
“Liberal troll.”
“fuck u bitch.”
“i aint no bitch troll. whateva, i do wat i want!”
“No way in the world Jesus will arrive on August 14, 2014. You would know that if you are a true Christian.
‘No man will know the date or hour of the end times.’
-Revelation… I forgot what verse exactly… I will have to look it up.”
“…LOL. Define a true Christian. But you are right.”
“The only True possible antiChrist is the Christ himself…. just not his Good side. Instead of Mercy he will be Revenge to those who dont Know he is Mercy.”
“Yeah, could be, but it could also be that a book written by nomadic desert goat herders who thought the earth was flat… just isn’t true.”
“This film might as well be a violent porno.”
“I just finished watching this movie….and it is the most GRAPHIC, BIZARRE, CRINGE-WORTHY film I’ve ever seen in my life. There is so much sex in this film and it’s not the least bit pleasurable to watch. Be cautious when watching this movie…”
“It fucking made me gag when she smashed the guys balls with a wooden block and made him ejaculate blood.”
“Eat shit and die and include spoilers next time.”
“I find this Ironic considering Defoe played Jesus. (an Ax wielding Jesus.)”
“Where did you get the axe from?”
“I feel a bit of William Blake like art in the tree-copulation scene.”
“Epic!”
“Nature may inspire ideas, but it is logic and reason that shape and critique our perceptions of nature. Having an idea is not the same as logic. Logic & reason are not measurable by natural means. Just because our minds exist in a physical body doesn’t make the things we think of physically real. Logic could exist without nature. But nature is constructed and depends on logical laws. It cannot exist without them, and therefore it cannot itself have created it. Logic must preexist nature.”
“Sorry, but you’re so wrong it’s funny. If one is constrained by logic, then one is surely not omnipotent. If god created all things, surely he created the laws of logic, and therefore he can bend those laws at will.
Of course being that you’re a mentally ill religious lunatic, you’ll just attempt to twist my ‘logic’ to fit your own deluded view of existence. Sometimes I pity you religious nuts…but most of the time I just laugh at you.”
“DAMN NATURE YOU SCARY!”
“If God exists – he would either:
A. Tell us he exists – by appearing in person when we reach age of reason and tell us what the FUCK is up. Or in some other shape or form influence all of the humanity and inform us – BIBLE, QURAN and SHIT don’t count.
B. Make sure we never suspect shit and would deny our mind to understand such things as god.
There is no shit in middle of – Some believe and some don’t. Since it is not A or B, he simply does not exist.”
“Oh look ANOTHER religion fight on youtube. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?”
“I know, right. I was expecting comments about the movie.”
My favorite:
“FUCK THE ILLUMINATI!”
“God forgive your sins & open your eyes to the truth. =)”
“What ‘sins?’ Because we have ‘penises’ and ‘vaginas’ is thinking about sex ‘satanic?’ Because we think that there ‘is no such thing as good religion’ is satanic too ? What do you think; were you ‘created by god’ or ‘born from mother and father?’”
“Don’t you have any respect for a person’s beliefs?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Where can I download this online for free?”
Editor’s note: There are a lot of arguments on this comments thread trying to rehash a lot of the same logical exercises to either prove or disprove the existence of a God or a creator or whatever. The term “four sided triangle” gets thrown around a lot, it seems.
“I thought this movie was absolutely great until the gore porn started. It makes me feel like a lost a friend. It was THIS close to being a psychological horror masterpiece, and then BAM. Bleeding penis.”
“ha ha ha…. Stupid stuff. People having sex among dead bodies! Big deal…. Trying so hard to look evil. Evil is within each and every individual already…. Can’t go looking for it among scary stuff. Seen how it comes out when you start getting jealous of someone’s promotion? Or somethin like that…. There’s evil right there! Control your own…”
“It’s just a film, dude.”
And last but certainly not least:
“This movie is just a plain awesome peace of Art!
Lars did great on that one, the most epic art piece I have seen in many months!
Okay, I’ll admit that title makes no sense. Whatever. Some days you feel like being clever and coming up with good to decent to passable titles for your blog posts and some days the things on your mind CAN ONLY BE EXPRESSED IN ALL CAPS.
I’ll get back to you on what kind of day this is.
Anyway, some videos that I’ve come across in the past few days on the internet (yes, I’ll admit that these are all a few days old):
1. One of the new promos for Conan O’Brien’s upcoming show on TBS (debuting next month). This is just excellent stuff:
And it looks expensive-ish. Finally, with the addition of Conan, TBS’s tagline of “very funny” is actually becoming accurate.
2. The latest episode of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis, this time interviewing Bruce Willis.
…which you can find here. I don’t dislike this little gimmick that appears online every now and then on Funny Or Die, but it’s kind of one note. That said, Willis’ episode feels especially great to me. Why? Just cause.
3. That dirty/hot/bizarre sex scene between Mary Louise Parker and Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris!) on Weeds recently. I don’t watch Weeds but I do love that several people emailed me a link to this. Thanks, fellow internet weirdos.
That’s just the preamble to it all. You can find it talked about here and actually see it here (at around the 23 minute mark).
3 1/2. I’m really starting to hate the name Zack in any and all of it’s forms. No offense, but if you’re going to go name your kid Zack, then fuck you. It’s not 1987 anymore.
5. For cross promotional reasons, Michael J. Fox recreates the Back To The Future teaser trailer for the Scream Awards on Spike. And also because it’s the 25th anniversary of the film:
Came across this gem on the internetz the other day:
Oh, that gave me quite the chuckle.
And, from that, I have some points to share with you, all of them only barely related to each other…
1. The other day, while speaking to Benjie, I was just bullshitting and joking around, as I am wont to do, and I retorted to something or other that I should start a single serving website called Who Is Natalie Portman Fucking These Days?
I think I actually called it Who Is Natalie Portman Dating Now? in that conversation, but let’s get right to the bottom of it: No one cares who you’re dating. Or, if they do, that’s only half as interesting who you’re actually fucking.
2. Case in point: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. They’re still married. They have stayed married for five years past what the expiration date on that joke should’ve been. Congrats! You’re boring celebrities! But now we find out that he’s fucking around or perhaps they’re in an open relationship, whatever. Whoever you’re walking down a red carpet with will always pale in comparison to who you’re rubbing your genitals on. Of course we wish it wasn’t that way, but it is. Right?
1, continued: Meanwhile, Natalie Portman has certainly had an eclectic dating history. I don’t know all of it, which is probably a good thing, but Moby, for one. When I heard about that way back in the day I thought, “Well, great, that’s when I reach for my revolver. Ha ha. Bad joke, sorry.
Perhaps she dated Hayden Christensen, an actor of dubious charm, too. I remember that was rumored around when they were filming the Star Wars prequels.
Though, again, were they dating or were they just killing time together while stuck in Australia spending hours and hours surrounded by green screen on movie sets? You can hardly fault an actor for the sexual shenanigans they get up to while filming a movie down under, methinks.
Also, Jude Law. Maybe. Face it, straight dudes, whoever that young ingenue that you have a masturbatory fantasy about, well, Jude Law’s probably gotten there first.
And, possibly Sean Penn. That’s weird, and kind of sad, but I’m not one to judge. At least it’s not Mickey Rourke, you know.
John Mayer. Let’s just be thankful that, as far as I know, she hasn’t gone down this street yet. Thank God. That’s the kind of dead end that far too many cars have ran out of gas on or broken down on. I sincerely apologize for comparing women to cars in that metaphor.
But, speaking of John Mayer, there are a lot of things Natalie Portman is: a competent and incredibly inspiring actor that’s fun to watch, an Academy Award nominee, a good role model, a Harvard graduate, Jewish, someone with an Erdős-Bacon number, a director, a producer, a democrat, a vegan, a fashion designer (she has her own line of vegan shoes), a nonbeliever in the afterlife (good for you, Nat), someone whose birth name is Hershlag, an outstanding spokesperson and fundraiser for many fine organizations and causes around the world, a friend of Lukas Haas, a fan of NBC”s new hit comedy, Outsourced, and fluent in Japanese, German, French, and Arabic.
And thankfully there are a lot of things that Natalie Portman is not and one of those Jennifer Aniston.
And, of course, I made up the part about her liking Outsourced. Nobody likes that show.
I just typed “Natalie Portman” and “boyfriend” into google the other day and was informed that she is presumably currently dating a professional ballet dancer.
3. I really want to see Black Swan. It looks interesting and kind of b-movie cheesy brilliant. That perfect sweet spot where artsy films meet b-movie plots and Roman Polanski-esque level creepiness (I’m referring of course to the director’s movies, which I’m a fan of, and now his IRL creepiness).
4. Benjie Light and I were discussing that the other night and ruminating on what a poor year it’s been for movies. Also, we were kind of upset that we find ourselves having to say that thing every single year, it seems.
But 2010 has especially been strange since it seems like The Social Network, which is a fine, solid movie, will probably have serious Oscar potential (certainly Best Adapted Screenplay, but I’m talking Best Picture here too, party people) just because we’re not going to have a lot of just stupendously great movies to nominate. Black Swan will probably be there somewhere in the Best Picture nominees too, I bet.
5. Because of The Social Network (and it’s strong success), I think a lot of blogs are having to step back and get a little meta maybe and also start thinking about the story of themselves. The amateurs map themselves onto the percieved personas of your Mark Zuckerberg/Jesse Eisenbergs and your Eduardo Saverin/Andrew Garfield/Peter Parkers, but that’s something you do after running around in the yard and peeing on plants and right before it’s naptime.
Seriously, blogs o’ the interwebz, I am posing that question to you.
Benjie Light and I were contemplating that the other day ourselves. In a fucked up scorched earth production of the Counterforce story, we’d probably cast Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau as ourselves. But that’d be just so we could be dicks to each other about it.
Or, the recession era variation of that casting would probably be Vince Vaughn and Kevin James, I guess. And directed by Ron Howard. Ugh.
6. And Jeff Goldblum as Occam Razor.
7. And Kristen Stewart as Peanut St. Cosmo.
8. No, I’m just kidding about that. I wouldn’t even presume to guess at who could capture the bold essence of either Peanut or Maria, nor do I want to risk my testicles in the gambit of making a choice they’re not pleased with. They know who should play them far better than I could ever hope to guess, I imagine. That is, of course, if they’re too busy to not play the parts themselves.
9. But if they don’t comment on my fucking post then I swear to God I’ll combine them into one amalgamation character as played by Christine Hendricks!
10. You could probably cast any old twink as August Bravo. As long as they smell like straight up mayonnaise (that’s an inside joke that you don’t really want to nor need to get too inside on, believe me). Or maybe his favorite character on Mad Men (see above)? Or maybe one of Will Smith’s kids?
11. And, August Bravo, before you even say it…
…trust me, it could be worse. It could be Vince Vaughn playing you.
12. That said, I’ll say this in defense of Vince Vaughn: He’s probably the hardest working actor in that particularly bleak game of comedy films these days. Unlike the Owen Wilsons of the world, Vaughn is the long distance runner in this game. Just look at a sleazy guy like Bradley Cooper and tell me that you honestly think he’s got Vaughn’s stamina at this shit. No fucking way. That said, I’d say that Vince Vaughn is a lot like Magic Johnson in that he’s not necessarily great on his own, but he’s a great team player. If you pass him the ball in a really interesting way, then he’ll do something extra interesting when he shoots for the basket. And a little sleazy, as that’s the default of where his comedy riffage always seems set at (but still feeling classier than your average Bradley Cooper… anything). If he’s got no one to work with then it’s just a sad study in a man running up and down the court while dribbling.
13. Extreme side note there: I feel like every time I see a picture of Winona Ryder now, I’d describe the look on her face as if you had literally just caught her in the act of shoplifting.
14. In conclusion: Going back to point #1, Vince Vaughn, thank you for not being John Mayer. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’ve gotten pretty fucking close to that territory more than few times, but you’ve still yet to fully cross that line and we appreciate it. I don’t think I could quite believe you as the romantic companion of Natalie Portman, but then again, I’ll believe just about anything these days.
I keep seeing little shrines to and admirations of the man all over the internet too. That’s amazing to me. Amazing that we stop and think about that still, this musical and pop artist from decades and decades ago, that he’s still affecting us with his music and ideas and persona even now. I mean, I can understand why people like my mother are still thinking about Lennon but it shocks me whenever I notice people younger than me talking about or listening to the Beatles or the various members’ solo material.
It shocks me but it pleases me as well. It’s natural to dislike the music of the younger generations because most of it is, at best, loud raw bullshit. My generation had the 90s and the glorious music of that time (that’s what our memories keeping assuring us) but the kids these days have… what? Paramore? Justin Bieber. It’s a shame.
But it’s also natural, I think to dislike when the younger generation starts coming up on you, encroaching on your scene, professing admiration of the music you hold so dear, that has become a part of your genetic make up, and yet they don’t know the singer’s name or don’t know the title of track 3 on that band or artist’s second album or don’t know all the lyrics like you. It’s like when you would hear Avril Lavigne tell you that Nirvana was the greatest band in the world. She didn’t know what she was talking about and it made the things you like feel cheaper because of it, because she hadn’t earned it.
And yet we forget about the act of discovery that comes with music, both with hearing an artist for the first time on the radio, if that kind of thing still happens, or playing over that sad scene with lots of crying in your favorite network drama. Or discovering an older artist, someone before your time, quite by accident. It’s amazing to you. It shows you that this great big world that you finally felt like you had a handle on perhaps has a little more depth, a little more beauty and gorgeous weirdness in it than you could’ve guessed. And it’s time to explore all of that.
And yet, Lennon’s music should come with a history lesson attached. He wasn’t just an artist with a discography, his story was a fucking saga. There’s so many facets to his tale and his life that you feel like a fucking Star Trek nerd just for taking all those details in and holding onto them. Or, at least, I do.
Growing up I was that weird little kid who adored his parent’s Beatles records and would spend long afternoons and late nights just sitting by the turntables, which that thing spin around and being mesmerized by their music. I read all the books I could on the Beatles, delved into all the ridiculous anecdotes and bizarre peripheral characters in their tale.
I’ve always been an oddity at the party (though the attendees at most parties are all oddities, or should be, I know). While everyone else knows everything about what’s going on with some bullshit famous NYC hipster or what’s happening on the latest episode of Real Housewives Of Wherever, I was always the guy who had far too many factoids about the heroes of classic rock. Amongst many others, that was always just one of my things.
To their fans, either those who grew up as the band was growing up or those who discovered the much later, they felt like your favorite characters in a story that was happening in and around you. There were ups and downs and turmoil and laughs and joy and you escape into one of their albums and it’d become a part of your life. John Lennon died months before I was even born and I still took their break up hard almost 30 years after it happened.
But as for the band themselves, I always took the question “who’s your favorite Beatle?” to be a kind of basic personality test. It wasn’t just a matter of “the one with the pointy nose” or “the shy one” or “the cute one” or “Jesus, Ringo is fucking weird looking,” it was about who you identified. Who personified all your weirdness and abstract traits. Who managed to be as much like you, but better.
I guess for us John fans, it was the romantic idea of the intellectual rebel. That’s why we liked him. It felt like he was against something, but nobly. Through him our character flaws and quirks and all the ways we didn’t fit with others, all of that became just a part of our affectation.
Of course now I imagine, in a way, that John Lennon is more like Che Guevara…
John came off as an asshole perfectionist, not too different from Paul in that regard, but there was something more off putting about John. It felt like he’d rather offend you than make you laugh along with him. He wasn’t a chameleon like Bob Dylan, constantly discovering himself by changing identities and styles, but John seemed more interested in dealing with his issues by shaving away all the human parts of himself and becoming sharper, crueler. He found his issues and rather than making peace with them, he just become them, he inserted himself deeper into them. He could be charming, he could be disarming, he could be cruel, but it felt like he would never surrender to the working class sadness the world had seemed to be laying out for him. His personality was the perfect prototype for someone like Kanye West (or, to a lesser extent, someone like Billy Corgan maybe). His past was not a particularly great one, nor was he always satisfied with the present it seemed, so he kept pushing forward, never resting, never giving up the rhythm. He was a poet and a genius, and seemed to take the world about as half as seriously as it had ever taken him, and in that regard, I think he saw the world more clearer than most insulated, influenced musicians ever do. That’s why I think his songs can seem absurd sometimes, or like the work of a bored artist, but at times they cut deep, slicing into a vein that feels all too familiar.
But I think John was, in the classic style of British musicians, pretty good at selling you a lot of bullshit when he felt like it. And while I don’t think you could question or belittle his impact or his talent, I think I just gave you about 900 words of bullshit as well. Enjoy.
Three last things about this man from Liverpool…
Do you think you’re a genius?
Yes, if there is such a thing as one, I am one. When did you realize that what you were doing transcended — People like me are aware of their so-called genius at ten, eight, nine. . . . I always wondered, “Why has nobody discovered me?” In school, didn’t they see that I’m cleverer than anybody in this school? That the teachers are stupid, too? That all they had was information that I didn’t need? I got fuckin’ lost in being at high school. I used to say to me auntie, “You throw my fuckin’ poetry out, and you’ll regret it when I’m famous, ” and she threw the bastard stuff out. I never forgave her for not treating me like a fuckin’ genius or whatever I was, when I was a child. It was obvious to me. Why didn’t they put me in art school? Why didn’t they train me? Why would they keep forcing me to be a fuckin’ cowboy like the rest of them? I was different, I was always different. Why didn’t anybody notice me? A couple of teachers would notice me, encourage me to be something or other, to draw or to paint – express myself. But most of the time they were trying to beat me into being a fuckin’ dentist or a teacher. And then the fuckin’ fans tried to beat me into being a fuckin’ Beatle or an Engelbert Humperdinck, and the critics tried to beat me into being Paul McCartney.
And lastly one of my absolute favorite of John Lennon’s songs…
…the sadly underrated “Look At Me.” I point these kinds of songs out whenever I see them but if ever there was a song about bloggers, that’s definitely one of them.
Mad linkage:
from here.
“A man sets out to draw the world. As the years go by, he peoples a space with images of provinces, kingdoms, mountains, bays, ships, islands, fishes, rooms, instruments, stars, horses, and individuals. A short time before he dies, he discovers that the patient labyrinth of lines traces the lineaments of his own face.”
The Soviets’ secret, failed moon program.
from here.
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Some fashion designer/former male model
As mentioned yesterday
