Kitty Ravenhart: I nearly never use my credit card. It may not change your behavior as much as you think.
Peanut St. Cosmo: Yes, it definitely does make you feel like an adult. But its so easy to get carried away spending when you don’t keep track like you do with a debit card. Be careful with those things.
Benjamin: Oh, I plan on using my CC everywhere I would normally use my debit card, then I’ll just pay it off every month. My intention isn’t to be able to spend money I don’t have, just to use a CC with fraud protection instead of putting my own bank account at risk.
Marco Sparks: You need to start saying “I’m gonna charge that shit!” everywhere. Like an adult.
Benjamin: Yeah, I suppose I’ve just read too many articles about card skimmers and online sites getting hacked.
Peanut: I’d pay good money to be somewhere with Benjie as he says, “I’m gonna charge that shit.” Preferably somewhere really *classy* like Sizzler.
Marco: People charge the shit out of things at Sizzler.
Peanut: I fucking hope so!
Peanut: Oh fuck me, I hope so! I’d have a whole lot more respect for him!!
Marco: I had such a great response to this but I don’t think I’ll post it. It’s a bit dirty, and you have to love before you can be relentless, or suicidal. The punchline involves Franzen not fucking Peanut at Sizzler, but letting her sit at his booth with him while his girlfriend gets up to get another plate of shrimp. Yada yada yada, if someone plays their cards right: fingerbang.
Editor’s note: By “fingerbang” what Marco Sparks clearly meant was: fingerblast. Obviously.
Peanut: Whoa, what? I get fingerbanged by Franzen? I don’t know what to say about that… Does he leave his glasses on?
Marco: Well… Of course he does. When you “charge that shit” they give you a receipt and all, but there’s tiny print on it. Hard to read. Also, he has trouble reading the directions on all his pill bottles. These days those glasses are practically glued to his face. And don’t worry cause he washes his hands like 13 times a day.
Kitty: If she’s in a Sizzler at all do you think she cares that the fingers in her vagina have been washed?
Benjamin: This has gone to such a wonderful place.
Kitty: Wait, is the wonderful place Sizzler or Peanut’s vagina?
Marco: People will be asking that same question long after we’re all gone, Kitty.
And… You’re forgetting that he’s a famous author. You don’t snub Oprah and get your face on the cover of Time magazine AND THEN go fingerbang girls with nasty, dirty fingernails. Ick. No. He’s not a member of the goon squad!
Peanut: Oh yes, I care about those fingers, Kitty! Thank god, you can’t let anyone who washes their hands less than 10x a day go sticking their fingers in your pikachu. I mean if you had one, you know? Oh Franzen, I’ll help you read all your little pill bottles! And defrost your weed you keep in the freezer!!!
Marco: Just be thankful you can’t see his hands.
Peanut: They were under a table @ Sizzlers!
Kitty: I’m going to borrow the pikachu euphemism sometime.
Marco: Right now Jonathan Franzen’s girlfriend is folding her arms over her chest and looking at you and your pikachu with a very, very disapproving look, Peanut.
Also, I feel like Cormac McCarthy also eats at the Sizzler, but J-Fran pretends not to see him whenever they nearly bump elbows over by the ice cream machine.
As if dudes aren’t confused enough. Now our girlfriends will come into the bedroom at night and say, “Wanna play some Pokemon?” and we just won’t get it. Ugh. What the fuck else is new?
Benjamin: Really? I think “Pokemon” is pretty obvious.
Speaking of mood statuses, I had occasion to be looking at myspace earlier today. I miss all my old over-sharing blogs and current mood settings.
Marco: Jonathan Franzen’s girlfriend does have bad hair, you’re right. It’s like she works at a fucking Wal-Mart or something.
Kitty: That would explain the dinners at Sizzler.
Peanut: Who is this chick? I’ll challenge her to a dance off or something? Yes, myspace blogs and oversharing were pretty great
Benjamin: Maybe you guys could have a home perm-off.
Peanut: Benjie, my hair is too awesome for home perms.
Marco: But not too awesome for dance offs or getting fingerbanged in a booth in the middle of a Sizzler’s. We read you loud and clear.
Kitty: That does pigeon-hole you in a very narrow range of awesome.
Marco: Very narrow.
Benjamin: You might have, I’m older.
Peanut: Barely. Dick.
Marco: Would Billy Zane be judging this dance off?
Peanut: No Billy Zane, but maybe Paula’s available?? If I had a steady pill supply for her anyway. No, I don’t watch those dancey idol talent shows.
Marco: They play them on the TVs at Sizzler. You’ll be fine.