blackberry, i love you but you’re bringing me down

you know, i’m a normal girl. nothing too crazy, like having a cat farm as i’ll never have children. i have a boyfriend, he’s mad cute and likes me!!! i don’t talk to myself in public. often. ok, that’s a lie, but i’m pretty balanced. but i have a special relationship that i just can’t hide.

oooh yeah gurl, work that shit

her name is blackberry curve, and we’ve been together two years now. two special years. we’ve had our ups and downs, you know, like everyone else. but she keeps me connected, mostly. i look out for her too. i get her insurance and even clothe her in boring little gel covers. you know, in case i drop her all crunk like. but when she slips out of that cover….damn!

i wish that we could talk about it, but there, that's the problem

it’s a sleek phone! it is! i hear other peeps talking about their texting machines; iphone, androids, misc machines out there. yeah, that’s all great for you. it is. but i’ve gotten to know this thing, and change is hard. you get this shiny pretty thing, never bothering to read all the pamphlets and watch the tapes. this BB and i have gotten to know each other. she takes my photos, sends my facebook updates, tweets my nonsense, and deletes my shitty spam email. she’s been an important part of my life!!! there’s few humans i would trust with those tasks, but i trust her!

dare i? no...no, maybe she isn't good enough to have my last name.

so here we are, at contract renewal time. i put a lot of faith in you, but like all old models, you’re breaking down. not what you used to be. it’s like the relationship that just starts to fall apart. i don’t get texts because you won’t get off your fat ass and receive them. you put your needs ahead of mine, always needing charging and self absorbed things like that. i pay your bills! keep you looking good! hate to go all janet, but what have you done for me lately??? she can’t blame me for having that wandering eye….ooooOOOooooyeah!

sound of silver talk to me. makes you want to feel like a teenager.

it’s not to say i don’t believe that someone can find eternal and committed love. i do, it exists, i think? jonathan franzen wrote a little piece about something similar recently. it touched the unfeelingness that i and a lot of people had been feeling. ever since these little devices/angels from heaven had been introduced to our lives. the disconnect of connection. the like of ourselves when others *like* us. “we like the mirror and the mirror likes us.” this is a topic that’s been covered-ish. what did i mostly take from this article? franzen had a blackberry!! my literary idol shares my love, but is also a bird watcher…so there’s that.

so this isn’t a decision to take lightly, obviously. she’s meant a lot to me. sadly though, there’s a ton of the twist, but we’re fresh out of shout….to be continued….

hey, i’m a child of divorce, give me a break.

evelyn: what about the past?

patrick: we never really shared one.

this man wasn’t just what they thought he was. or was he? that’s a tough call to make. i’ve read the bret easton ellis book american psycho and seen the movie again for maybe the 17th time just recently. 17th, yes, definitely. i see patrick in all his consumer elitism, hiding inside his nice suits, above average haircut, tortoise shell glasses, 18 pack abs, and jaw dropping business cards….i see it in us.

look at that subtle off white coloring

this man is sweating bullets (don’t think louis didn’t notice) over his business card not being the talk of the conference table. i can’t help but draw parallels between a movie/book about the mid 80′s and how it relates to life today. more specifically, social networking. as we’re all social beings, our networking is very important. if we go out on a friday, we’re sure to take our smart phones and upload those photos. not only do they go to our facebook and maybe even myspace (may it rest in peace)  but also to our twitter accounts. that’s if we’re so foolish as to not link our updates!!!!

omg, in the middle of 3some. #brb #philcollins

i’ve had talks with Capt Light, you may know him. we’ve discussed the way that people like to present themselves to the outside world. to certain people we are daughter/coworker/person we cheated off of in geometry. and that image may be who we actually are, or it may be just what we like to let others believe. but online we are anyone! we have camera phones! and four square!

i just became the mayor of your mom's box. #sorrybro

we can go out and let all our friends know about it. tell them where we’ve been and when we’ve moved on elsewhere. tag the people in photos that were our accomplices. and then the friends that couldn’t make it are left to :/ and comment or “like” it instead. it presents the most social and witty side of ourselves that we wish we could be more often. or at least present to those friends/followers/geometry inferiors.

oh yeah, i'm following @augustbarcelona. thought you knew.

is the real us such a let down? the real peanut is an unemployed sociology student that loves being a literary  elitist and music snob. when and if (!!) she graduates in two years, she’ll be begging for a job in social work that won’t pay the mounting debt accumulated by college. assuming our economy doesn’t continue to plunge deeper and deeper into the bowels of hell. but do i enjoy a peek into twitter or facebook? do i post photos of my drunk self out and about?

don't we all?

my intent here is not to say beware of your friends. we all know a crazy or two, and they’re good for a retweet. it may be more of a beware yourself. why must we present this better self?

…..why does or doesn’t patrick go all nail gun crazy on his secretary?

u know skirts, heading out for sorbet...

i guess we all want to protect our inner bateman’s…..

will it be just like i’m dreaming?

greetings y’all. i’d like to treat this as any other post, but i’m not a frequent poster. can’t just be easy going, “hey, what’s the hapz, guyz?” kinda deal. but rest assured, this peanut cares.

me, caring.

what do significant occasions mean to you? to each person, they carry their own weight. birthdays always mean a lot to me. surviving in our world isn’t as easy. ask anyone to make it to make it past 80s movies.

exhibit A

exhibit B

these guys care a lot about their movies. you know why? their whole career rests on it. they have something to say for themselves. whether that news says they’ve made a career out of being the nerd that fails with gingers, or they fail at being charlie sheen’s less coked up brother. either way, that’s great! i regret to say that i have not achieved such a status. do i regret it?

schmaybeeeee??

so i guess i’ll break the bad news. i put it off long enough, right? i turned 30. joined the leagues of benjie and marco will be following us this year. it just doesn’t seem like it’s my time. why now, is 30 a death sentence?

i'm the baddest b.

maybe.  i used to be cuter. i think? say some? maybe a lot of some. but i’ve gotten smarter since then, my 20s were not my brightest. since then, i’ve at minimum had a flashlight to guide me from my stupid mistakes. we’ve all had to guide our own light to show us the way for self respect. its not easy to find it, but i praise the lord *St Cosmo* i found mine!

tanning is awesome.

i dyed, wrote, clicked, drank, talked, listened, typed, through a thousand different scenarios. all of which were fantastic and actually blog worthy. i loved it and hated it all. it was a fantastic time i could only tell you about if i had a phenom publishing deal.

thought you knew?but sadly i’m just a sociology major thats waiting for a bit of input on her own life. or some unwelcome outside input that will just fuck it all up, but set the wheels into motion at least. do you know how hard it is do that for yourself? do you? i do. i know it well and considered it all. and here i am. what will you do?

i’m proud of where i’ve landed. i know i’ve chosen for myself rather than let a man choose for me. life is not complete, but it’s not been unlived either.

dollar dollar bill y’all!

greetings peeps! i’m just sitting here on this chilly evening, pondering some interesting ponderings. do you even find yourself just drifting off into your own microcosm and think, “what if…?” yeah, me neither. but tonight was clearly a special night! and my little peanut brain went down all sorts of avenues……

yes. money. “cash rules everything around me” or c.r.e.a.m. as the wu-tang clan stamps on their cd. and it does. or at least, it seems to. but does it? does it really?

mmhmm

yes, evidence does seem to point to the fact that cash/currency is a commodity that people desire. it is a resource. it is why people go to college, try to get better jobs, lie, cheat, steal, kill even. but why? what does currency really mean anyway? does it mean you’ve achieved some sort of status?

i make it rain.

some people look at a LRG bank balance to mean that you’ve “made it.” others would look at food stamps and think  =( this is all relative. your pluses or minuses are a magical number given to you by an Automated Teller Machine or from your porn box that may from time to time deliver something with the name “red headed” your way. you fucking ginger lover!!!

it doesn’t seem to mean too much. not really. little (or largely) known fact, Ms St Cosmo is a college student. and being in a history class, Dr. Bro tells us we’ve been off this gold standard business for a looooong time. where does that leave money? a lot like it did back in the days of Alexander Hamilton and his federal plan. in short, (translation= could not find link to explain to you. i have no kung fu. frown.)  around 1790ish, hamilton was the secretary of state and the US was in a bad spot. the central government was weak, there was no national currency, there was no trade overseas as there was a massive debt due to the american revolution. in order to get the US back on the right track, hamilton began paying war bonds (and others stuffs) in a new federal currency. the currency would only hold value as long as the US government stayed strong. therefore, currency was faith based. this happens again later in history…..

paper? paper?? sorry, i said i wanted gold bricks!

according to internets research, the official term for our money system today is “fiat.” so what does that mean to you? to me? to the rest of our monetary hungry world?

doom. maybe?

yeah maybe. if faith in currency fails, it indicates faith in our central government will not be far behind. and if that happens, i’m thinking good old anarchy might show it’s head. would this be a good or a bad thing? hmmm….back to reality i guess….

i choose to remain terminally chill.

greetings peeps! Peanut St Cosmo here has been on a journey. it was a lengthy and worthwhile journey. i wish i could tell you all about it, but i fear you’re not quite self actualized enough for it, and that’s really not your fault. it’s not, but i do feel for you as best as i can in my chilly little unfeeling heart. but what does tingle in that little freezer chamber is missing you all. yes i did, and to toot my own horn to announce my return, i bring you……..!

this tween makes lil wayne nervous.

that’s kind of a lie. i have no intention of tackling this one, mostly because he scares me. he looks like a standard teenager dying to get to first base….but underneath that strategically messy hair lies something far more dangerous! i have something more powerful than facts, i’ve got a man that is sorry for wasting your time!

i spy a popped collar!

alas, i don’t have glenn beck either, nor do i want to. what i do have is a little section on a little topic called “chillwave.” your first question might be, what the fuck is chillwave? well reader, that’s a great question. i only kind of have the answer, but being a “red blooded” american male-ish, i will act like this is fact!

in my recent research of this topic, i have found a few things. “chillwave” has been around since the early 2000s it seems and i some how hit the snooze button on that one until recently. and what defines it and gives it that solid foundation to stand on still seems to be out to lunch. but one person that does seem to have that finger on it’s little PBR drinking pulse. whether it is a person/place/thing/giraffe.

it seems to be a blog worth blogging about!

this carlos bro has been the writer since my times of reading this gem, but our chillwave questions go unanswered. perhaps we shall never know, like exploring a long lost civilization with no written records?? that would be a shame to wrap up a “come back” blog in such a fashion.

i wish i could give you all answers, but maybe instead of being your “educator” in chillwave, i can be your “facilitator.” until next time…..

had it been another day i might have looked the other ways and, i’d have never been aware but as it is i’ll dream of her tonight….

greetings counter-force! hahah, i love that dash! i want to wrap it up, stick a little bow on it and give it as a present. and then the receiver asks if i have a gift receipt. you know, i never really liked that douche to begin with….

so here we are kids, it’s a very late wednesday night. and here i sit thinking deep thoughts. what is love, readers? what is love?

don’t fret, i can be sure when i say….it sure as fuck isn’t that. and if it is, i think we all would want no part in that. unless your name is mack. now, we all can kinda grasp when we’re in it. we usually know when it’s over. but how do you know when it starts? those first little twinkles in the sky just before the stars come out and right after there’s a little penguin losing her lunch behind a starlit tree…..where does it all begin??

some people believe in the whole “i knew it the first minute the laid eyes on the person” concept. love at first sight. or wanting to find a motel 6 as quickly as possible and take photos of it with your camera phone. either way, that’s cool.

sometimes it’s a long conversation over dinner and it’s finding out not only have you had lots of similarities in the past, both you’re both very passionate about the same type of lettuce. yes. lettuce. it happens.

these two bond of fake tans and hunger for fame. lettuce doesn't seem so bad now, does it....

these two share a bond of fake tans and hunger for fame. lettuce doesn't seem so bad now, does it??

how does one make the transition from, “oh i see this person and they’re pretty cool” to calling it an *us* and hanging on this person’s every text and twitter message and facebook status update? or maybe when you hang out in the other person’s igloo and the tv’s on (frozen plasma flat screen, of course) and it stays on mute the whole time even though it’s NBA playoff time (those stupid fucking lakers are beating the shit out of everyone omg, kobe already has three fucking rings does he really need another one?????) and neither of you seems to care.

nevermind the flip side to all this. it exists. just like the juicers who ruin sports.

i <3 myself. and steroids. and madonna. in that order.

i <3 myself. and steroids. and madonna. in that order.

instead, let’s take a second to congratulate mike tyson who just made the third times a charm sting just a little more….

really and truly, i could ramble on. i lost some of you at throwing up behind a starry tree. some of you after kobe. and even more of you after stray rod made out with himself in a mirror. i will wrap this up with two ways to redeem myself. the first is an upcoming trend you will want to be ready for.

am i right or am i right? right? right.

am i right or am i right? right? right.

do not go to the beach, to the bar, or to any house parties without your wolf shirt. unless you like being the “uncool bro.” and secondly, grizzly bear. whether or not you like the new album, or even the band, the song and the video are quite catchy.

thank you for sticking it out. and a starry, puke filled night to you.

you can burn your paper fingers in the ashtray….

on this thursday night… in the 2009 in the year of our lord/buddha/vonnegut, i find myself simmering in my own happy juices. don’t take this the wrong way, pervs. every so often, one is quite pleased with them self. and they feel the need to stick it in a pan and put the heat on low and just sssssssimmer.

my simmer is much sexier.

my simmer is much sexier.

this evening, i’m very happy as i’m not one of THEM. you know THEM. we all do. so let’s not fuck around. the time to nose dive straight in……….IS NOOOOOOW!

some people might say, “noooo, no peanut! don’t go there! that’s just tasteless!” well, that’s exactly why i must prove you wrong. take out your map……

as X marks the spot.

as X marks the spot.

bristol palin and levi babymaker have called off their alaskan shotgun wedding. i hate seeing good things come to an end. what will mama sarah do? shoot him down with a rifle and use ol’ levi as a family room rug? you’re sure as shit not going to get child support out of him….i’ll wait for the trusty US Weekly to inform me.

let’s not get too down in break ups, right? one door closes another one opens…..

this photo makes me want to avoid the pixie cut.

this photo makes me want to avoid the pixie cut.

it seems that my arch-nemesis…..

she should really work on her abs.....

she should really work on her abs.....

went and done got married. to ryan adams. how does this happen? the engagement was enough of a bitch slap, but they got married? wtf?

i’m not going to dwell….on, um, bad shit. what’s more important? miley fucking cyrus. whoa! it’s like you read my mind!

the product of an achy breaky heart.

the product of an achy breaky heart.

apparently, little miss disney thinks she matters in the music world. miley decided after being snubbed by jesus’ apostle in waiting, radiohead, that action must be taken. miley wanted to meet radiohead backstage at the grammys. she got denied. she disputed this on the claim that, “she was in the business of making people happy.” so radiohead should make her happy. apparently, they don’t watch the same channel. miley watches disney. if their was a hipster/emo channel, radiohead would watch it. hell, they would run it! they are not in quite the same line of work. one markets to tweens. one…doesn’t. yet, miley says, she will, “ruin them!” good luck to you, kid. touch up your highlights while you’re at it. your roots are lookin a weee bit icky. it gets better. the band’s publicist made  a statement on behalf of the band telling miley to, “grow up.” yay!

rather then leave you feeling all weird, let me give you something concrete to walk away with.

um, sorry. try this instead!

like enya and a shit sandwich thrown in a hello kitty! blender. enjoy!

well, this is thursday. it should be cthulhu chursday! but i lack the photos for that. so instead, i give you a dinosaur fucking a robot.

you thought i was joking, didn't you....

you thought i was joking, didn't you....

sadly i’m not stockpiling those kinds of thursday photos. hopefully it will all be ok! this is kind of one of those “wtf?” kind of posts. why? because this is america in 2k9. and things tend to be a little bit ridiculous.

first up in line of my own little circus is ryan adams and mandy moore. yes. i. have. to. go. there. for one thing, it made the gossip page in NY Daily News. they also spelled his name wrong. jesus, don’t they have copy editors??? and second, no one is denying it. third, this is the same girl that was linked to DJ AM a few months ago after “his almost deadly plane crash” and is now back with adams….? and also was engaged to zach braff?

the starter engagement

the starter engagement

to now, when you go to an internet search engine and type in “ryan adams” you get “RYAN ADAMS AND MANDY MOORE!!!!!!!!” i added those exclamation points. but the all caps, that’s real. he will never be his own entity. he will now be mandy moore’s sidekick. ugh.

no one in their right mind wears sunglasses that ugly. unless you're a SoCal hipster.

no one in their right mind wears sunglasses that ugly. unless you're a SoCal hipster.

well, that’s all i have to say about thaaaat.

next up on my chopping block…..the octuplet mom! honestly, i don’t care. not really. the only reason i care is because my internet news page floods me with shit on this. and my hairdresser talks about it. and !!!News talks about it. i am flooded with shit on this crazy lil e-z bake kid oven/baby factory.

aaaaaaaaw yeeeeeeeeaaah.

aaaaaaaaw yeeeeeeeeaaah.

if someone is slightly scrambled eggs in the brain region, they have six kids already, hey….who knows what could happen. throw in their former occupation was a psychiatric technician, some facial…….renovations? and a whole lot of other mess…well, things just get interesting. but i’m not People effin magazine. if you want trash, you know where to find it. hell, even America’s Source for Top News even saw fit to fan the flames. why? not because her living place is a possible health hazard. not because that home might be taken due to foreclosure. not because those babies will be fighting for a chance at the teet. or fighting for the mom’s attention, not just from that litter, but from the other six that came before it, but because of this. thank you, fox news.

next up! the finance manager of japan. i want to apply for this position. some of you readers may ask why? why, peanut st. cosmo? why leave your post at counter-force dot com to take such a low level job? well, for a few reasons.

1.

the honorable president of japan, Hello Kitty.

the honorable president of japan, Hello Kitty.

2. awesome speech writer.

a man of many pieces, Haruki Murakami

a man of many pieces, Haruki Murakami

3. cool office equipment.

needs more bling.....

needs more bling.....

and 4. look at the guy i’m replacing…..? jesus H! seriously. if that’s not a hot mess, i don’t know what is. if that guy can get away with being a booze hound, peanut will be employee of the month!

next up! who the hell leaked out photos of a beat up rihanna? seriously? that’s just messed up. someone’s mom needs to take them over her knee (not that peanut st. cosmo condones spanking, but come on!) and teach them a lesson. what the hell? is nothing private? she’s been off hiding in her hometown since nastiness went down, not out smearing his name. i’m not even linking this shit, i just saw the headline and felt bad. really really bad. what is wrong with us? i don’t actually expect an answer….

and lastly….if you thought to yourself, “there’s not been much interesting music released since this new year came down upon us,” YOU WOULD BE MISTAKEN!!!!!! why? i’ll tell you why….

THE PRODIGY IS BACK! not like” prodigy” a genius or anything. but like that british band that woooooed us all…..

yes, mixed with enya….don’t you feel in the moooood? for some lovin that includes smackin that bitch up that owes you money and is maybe pregnant with your baaaaaby? yeeeeah, me too. so what did they do? they released a new cd! little known story. when peanut was a youngster, she used to play soccer on a recreational league. their little “fire you up” song? the prodigy’s “fire starter.” i shit you not. did it work? fuck no! we were losers! but who is not a loser? the prodigy! because they have a new cd! this kinda just falls under the andrew w.k. file.

i like to party hard. and. drink. fight. juice. YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!

i like to party hard. and. drink. fight. juice. YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!

do what you will with this new release. if you buy it (rather than download like the lil pirate you are) i recommend maybe using it as a conversation starting coaster! haaaar. nighters!

“procrastination is our substitute for immortality”

it’s getting late here on counterforce. a wee bit late. because websites, they live on time. just like the rest of us. but i was doing a little bit of reading on a little bitty website that became a little bitty book. (yes, i’m off meds. no, i can’t help what i’m saying.) on this grand little website, white people and non white people can take a gander at what funny little people we are. i say we, as i’m white. if you’re not white, that’s ok, imagine a white friend that’s a little weird and possibly has a small stick up there ass. see? isn’t that funny? that’s white people, by and large. really, it’s most people under 35ish. usually they’re unmarried, and living in a downtown-ish area. ok, so, i’m on this website and something just strikes a chord in my little white heart. it reminds me of a little book i read about a year, maybe two years ago…..

 

i'm the little pill in his weee tummy.

i'm the little pill in his weee tummy.

the post from the website brought me right smack back into this book. that, and i let my brother borrow the book and i’m curious of what his opinion will be. but the notion of the book is interesting. you can read about the author, and see where this altbro comes from, yada yada….but it’s more the story. this came out in about 2005ish. prescription drug commercials were all over television. erectile dysfunction and  overactive bladder became mainstream (hah!) and this was all kosher. even if you weren’t jewish. shalom!  

 

if you have an erection for more then four hours, call your doctor.

if you have an erection lasting more then four hours, call your doctor.

along with sexy time and potty time, comes happy pill time. this book is about a guy who was “phizered” and took a pill. he had a crappy job, a prescription, and the average big city life. big city life usually entails having a fat apartment with roommates you usually don’t know, a messy bathroom, drunken friday/saturday nights which go hand in hand with random hook ups with no real personal connection/intimacy. the main character in Indecision, dwight, has a girl that he remembers from long ago. one day, an opportunity presents itself for dwight to travel abroad (for a broad) and do some self discovery along the way.

midlife crises certainly are a bitch, aren’t they? some of us want to go get an education, get a big boy/big girl job, make our families proud, feel all self fulfilled and enlightened. things just don’t always fall into place. which leaves you stuck in that weird little triangle of suck.

 

don't expect good cell phone reception out here

don't expect good cell phone reception out here

so dwight tracks down his girl, packs his bags, and heads off somewhere with no idea of what to expect. for an anxious person like dwight, this is a big bold decision to make. now, i’m not going to go spoiling anything. that would be very messed up. on my little website mentioned above, there may even be a blog about it! i found the book to be a very quick read that i enjoyed, but not one that sneaks up on me to tug at me to read again. maybe it does, in a weird little way. the only thing that really stayed with me was dwight’s own loneliness and his crisis modes that struck him. his ideas of just running off to go get lost and maybe find yourself in the process, is very enticing. where and how we ever got lost, that’s hard to say. and you can’t type in coordinates on google maps and go from the happy tabula rasa to the well rounded sprout your parents evening with too much wine started in the first place.

 

i'll pull out in juuuuuuust a minute.....

i'll pull out in juuuuuuust a minute.....

leading to……

 

YOU ARE HERE, heading......?

YOU ARE HERE, heading......?

how to get from point A to B…..? yeah, ok, i don’t know the answer. clearly. crystal clearly. crystal light.

 

why? why? because i can!

why? why? because i can!

 

 

but hey….it’s an interesting book all the same. so i leave you with this. happy google-mapping! or crystal light-ing!