your city’s a sucker. your city’s a sucker. your city’s a sucker, my city’s a creep.

there you are. looking all sleepy eyed. you’ve got that look. the “i don’t feel well so i can feign fatigue so we don’t have to have sex to make you all sleepy so i can take pills and go to sleep” look. and i love you for it. i really do. well, baby, tonight is your lucky night. and mine. my balls are all worn out. from bedroom dancing with other ladies. we’ll make this brief so we can both rest up. because i have much more bedroom dancing to do tomorrow. and one of these days these balls are gonna walk all over you(r vagina.)

first off, fuck tom brady. fuck you with something hard and sandpaper-ey. 

 

i never cheated on you, mi amor....

i never cheated on you, mi amor....

 

first you fuck up the patriots season with this “injury.” (translation, in portuguese that means bulimic brazilian underwear model.) it seems that brady and his “injury” have gotten “engaged.” mazel tov. 

then when you find your self young and married. one day you say, 

 

even though i'm locked up, this sucks.....

even though i'm locked up, this sucks.....

sometimes you find yourself abroad. 

 

a. broad.

a. broad.

i’ll be honest. my post got deleted. i ran out of steam. feast on this? i hope? 

maybe. maybe not. fuck. if i didn’t have to work, this post would be monumental. sorry to let you down. there was also a good charlotte video, be glad you missed that…..

oh wait, not you didn’t. hmm….

shit, i hate my shit getting deleted and shit. shit.

children schmildren.

hoooowdy! since christmas time is upon us, i thought i would do a nice cheery little post to get us all in the holiday spirit. i read a news story recently that was basically four years old. clearly, yahoo news is on top of their shit. it was about various schools across the U.S. that were having a difficult time controlling students with learning disabilities, ADD, ADHD, kids with emotional problems, etc. if you’re a teacher and you have one of these kids in your class and they get out of control, it’s not like the good old days when you could just beat them.

alter boy basic training

altar boy boot camp

no no no….as controversial and mostly outlawed as that is, it’s just not enough. these teachers/babysitters of heathens need something more intimidating to scare unruly kids into being calm as hindu cows. the answers lies in…..seclusion rooms!

educators standing by to book your room now! ask for Triple A discounts!

educators standing by to book your room now! ask for Triple A discounts!

in these little cells/rooms, kids take “time outs.” prison, anyone? states such as michigan state that children should not be kept in these “rooms” for more then 15 minutes at a time. 24 states accept them for use in schools and have written guidelines that tell schools the conditions for such rooms. one such room in murrayville, georgia (HA!) held a 13 year old autistic boy named jonathan king. according to his teacher, jonathan had some behavioral problems. was frequently sent to one of these seclusion rooms. was said by his parents to be an loving and happy child. another day goes by and his teacher sends him off for a time out. the normal person in charge of keeping an eye on the kids in seclusion is out sick, and there’s a sub in place. jonathan is wearing a cord on his pants in place of a belt to keep his pants up. while in seclusion, little jonathan hangs himself with his cord/belt. according to his teacher, he had been threatening suicide for a few weeks. so you send him off into seclusion with a device that could assist you in killing yourself. brilliant! this happened in november of 2004, yes it’s just now catching on as breaking news.

anderson cooper can suck my mic.

anderson cooper can suck my mic.

around every holiday time, a few years back, i used to reread catcher in the rye. it does take place during that holiday season, and is in no way holiday related, or cheerful for that matter. but for the first time in a couple years, i really have the strong urge to read it again. maybe it’s the idea of walking around a big nearly anonymous city having a nervous breakdown, but with absolute freedom. i would love to do half of that, only unpublished…..side note, the ducks in central park….where do they go?

hand sanitizer. never leave home without it.

hand sanitizer. never leave home without it.

wow, here i am thinking it’s easy street being a card shark….but apparently there’s even cooler jobs out there! and no, this isn’t the pathetic jon favreau from swingers…..you too could potentially be this cool! but just in case, update your resume.

when will 2009 hurry up and ring in so some nice decent cds can be released???? i know marco covered this topic recently, but seriously….i haven’t had a decent cd come at my way in quite sometime!

so in my (possible?) new years resolution, i hope to be more counterforce friendly, more informed, as well as a good student as that is to be my main goal for the next decade-ish. what will be your resolution, one that you actually intend to keep? i leave you with this kids, but hopefully with resolutions in place, you will be fucking sick of me in the new year……

don't measure, just chug.

don't measure, just chug.

hey, shitface, get off my lawn!

so like all good things, even the great Peanut St. Cosmo! gets old. like really old. many things marked this becoming a reality. i tried to ignore them all, but once they all collectively reared their old head, the facts were hard to ignore.  first up, and most obvious……

it's not just salt and pepper....

it's not just salt and pepper

gray hair. two of them to be exact. i only know they exist because i’m not happy with my colorist and am looking for a new one. but now it’s like i have to go sprinting, fuck that, driving back to the old one and say, “cover this shit, and make it snappy!” how does this happen? how how how???? even though you are never on time, constantly try to get me to go to go to your “dj” shows, and tell me the same old stories of the pimp you think you were before you got “married,” i’ll still take you back…..

secondly, shoes. they matter. they separate the girls from the women from the wheelchair bound. i’ve gone from the high up girl in her early twenties to the more conservative one that got tired of taking those shoes off and walking on asphalt to walking around and not pouting. a signal for the end? fuck yes.

third. celebrity gossip. used to love it. eat it up with a little celebrity platinum coated spoon! all the sudden, who the fuck are these people?? what’s an LC? what’s twilight? where are the hills?

my thoughts exactly....

exactly....

i used to have a handle on this stuff, and all the sudden, shit’s just gone off the map. i blame my air traffic controllers. but really, it’s a stressful job. they do as much as they can. but maybe i’ve just lost touch….with superficial bubble gum sugar free stuff not worth the internet paper it’s not written on? no, no…that’s not it. i’ve just lost touch.

fourth. kids. sorry mom sorry god….i may never have kids. those little heathens tend to run wild. in grocery stores, in restaurants, during my cell phone conversations….they run wild! and in the wrong *republican* hands, tend to wear awful shoes…..but they just tend to be a little bit too much of a liability.

our father, who art in LA, l. ron hubbard be thy name

our father, who art in LA, l. ron hubbard be thy name

yes, they can be cute. you want to take them and have them photographed over and over and sent to all your jealous relatives, have them learn foreign languages you don’t speak, put them in Montessori schools, etc. or you can be just another pregnant mami waiting for their 15, excuse me, 30 (?) minutes of fame. or it can be the absolute worst, and who knows, it may even be due to your upbringing.

lastly….yawn….i know, up past jeopardy/your bedtime right? well up last is the decline of binge drinking!

i am from a thirst world country.

i am from a thirst world country.

i go to bed at almost reasonable times. i wake up almost when the alarm goes off. jose cuervo and i do not text. hell, i never had his cell number. what does it all mean? i don’t know….fuck off, i’m fixodenting!

monday-sunday night, baaaaby.....

monday-sunday night, baaaaby.....

you look like you could have some fun, even better, you look like i could be the one.

greetings kids. tonight, peanut has decided to reflect. reflect long and hard (hah) on the struggles of dating. it’s not easy. finding that one person that makes time fly by for and when you’re away from, makes you just want to go back near them. yak.

real dating is more like this or this or maybe even this? mmmmm. point, it sucks. what do you do when it sucks? you take yourself out on a date! a few pluses: you will enjoy your own company. if not, wtf is your malfunction?  also, no arguing over the check! no getting jealous when you check out someone else!

 

they just look cold! i was going to offer them my jacket!

they just look cold! i was going to offer them my jacket!

and lastly, no trying to get out of the date early, because this person just plain sucks. so tonight, i ventured out on a lovely night. not too warm, and not too cold and walked down the street to have some sushi with my book and ipod.

of course there is a stigma attached with dining alone. 

 

not so romanic....

not so romanic....

i didn’t so much mind it. once you get past your hostess asking you how many in your party, you replying “one,” and her confused look….it’s off to sake land you go! you get some pitying looks for other people. maybe it’s the people that are out on a date they shouldn’t be on because one of them is married. the gay couple looking on at you, wondering if you’re registered to vote and what is your stance on prop 8, and then the mother (that has been and maybe still wishes she was in your shoes) with her two kids…

 

this is the cavity those monsters came from......

this is the cavity those monsters came from......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

all in all, i was great. i ordered exactly what i wanted, drank as much sake as i wanted as i was fo sho not getting date raped later, and enjoyed my book.

let’s just say kids, the night’s not over. there may be toys here. i have a netflix to watch, some bedroom chocolates to consume, etc etc….some things are left behind closed doors. pervert. 

 

seriously, this is a private moment....

seriously, this is a private moment....

so i leave you with a few fun things…..

opening friday! sweet baby bush!

the heavy. because if you have more of it, you don’t need less of it.

and just for fun….

sometimes i just can’t help myself. goodnight, lovaaahs…..

monday, bloody monday….

so here we are with the days getting shorter and the nights getting longer. daylight savings time just around the corner, where you go to work with the sun barely coming up, and leave work with it going back down. where does the day go? off to watch the stock market falling deeper and deeper into the small intestines of hell, of course!

 

just another monday.....?

just another monday.....?

so if you haven’t been laid off from your shitty paying job just yet (or even better if you have!) maybe you’re looking for a little something to fall into to take your mind off of how much things suck…here is peanut st. cosmo to provide you, dear reader, with some escape!!!

i myself like a nice dark movie here and there. a few of my personal favorites are donnie darko and closer, so due to these kind of selections, my netflix(dotcom!) was kind enough to recommend a little movie like this:

wristcutters: a love story, despite being about suicide, is surprising uplifting. i hate being one of those people that spoil movies, so i’m going to keep this description brief. as it’s lead is patrick fugit, who you may remember from the movie, almost famous. (benjamin, please do not launch into how much you hate cameron crowe.) and also featuring the lovely shannyn sossamon, as well as will arnett, who could even make an infomercial entertaining. i haven’t enjoyed something with such a serious kind of subject matter in a long time…..

another wise choice was something that slipped totally under the radar. it’s called married life.

as most adults are familiar with the dealings of long term relationships and how wonderful they start and slow decline to shit, we understand the wandering eye, the desire to end this oatmeal bland relationship and take up with the next PYT that comes your way. this is a great movie with twists and turns where i was never really sure who to root for. and, as i hear a lot of guys like her….

 

to make up to break up, to make up....?

to make up to break up, to make up....?

 

 

if movies isn’t quite your thing, i find books to be the another good road for distraction. a writer i’ve enjoyed for a long time, but just recently got a better understanding of is jonathan franzen. most recently, i’ve finished reading his group of essays, “how to be alone.” usually, i have a hard time staying engaged with short stories or essays. this book was a long read, compared with the speed that i can finish a novel, but it was different in the sense of how i could identify with franzen and his character formulation. the very first of his books i read was, “the corrections.” if you’re not familiar with it, the novel tells the story of two midwestern parents who raise two sons and a daughter. to me it shows that dysfunction is the new functional and no family is perfect, but has it’s bright shiny parts that makes it stand out from others. i’ve enjoyed it so much, i’ve shoved it off onto other readers, often times at knife point, to make them love it as much as i have. in reading “the corrections” before reading “how to be alone,” i came to understand how much of franzen’s own upbringing he pulls into his writing. in the corrections, the older son gary hasn’t realized how much he has become like his own withdrawn father. in a few essays in “how to be alone,” a reader can pick up on franzen’s own conservativeness over the rest of society and their need to over share and let their own thoughts be common knowledge to anyone within listening distance of them and their bluetooth. if this sounds like something you might enjoy, pick it up and give it a try. i have lots of kitchen knives that could help change your mind.

well, if this post hasn’t thoroughly depressed you….not to worry! today was only monday…you still have four more days until your weekend. if this asteroid isn’t the end of us all….muah ha ha ha ha!!!!!

 

thursday....roughly.....?

thursday....roughly.....?

super crazy news confection!

heeellloooo counterforce, peanut here! sorry for my little break i’ve been on recently. to break the ice again, it’s going to be a little bit random….but let’s see what happens!

if you have this little series of tubes, you may have noticed a news story or two about the plane crash in south carolina involving travis barker, DJ AM, and four other dead guys.

tweedle dee and tweedle dum

tweedle dee and tweedle dum

now, never mind that you hear nothing about the four passengers who didn’t survive. news readers will only be bombarded with stories about these two who did live. and they will be famous now for an additional 15 minutes, bringing their total to thirty minutes so far. which is approximately forty five minutes too long. so, brace yourself. at least for the larry king special. 

coming out is all the rage. i almost wish i could come out of my closet, if only there weren’t so many shoes in the way. or a closet to come out of. first up is breaking news involving lindsay lohan admitting that she and DJ girlfriend samantha ronson are actually a couple. 

not hot. not even a little.

not hot. not even a little.

after you get done throwing up in your own mouth…save a little more stomach acid for the next trip up. clay akin of american idol semi fame was next up to bat. i know what you’re thinking. you’ve totally been side swiped by information. give it a second to sink in as i know you NEVER SAW THIS COMING. aiken, the father of a brand new in vitro fertilization baby, is not a fan of broads.

i like bubble baths, candle light dinner, and long romantic strolls in the beach!

hey there, cowboy....

sigh….straight girls just lost another one. oh well! if clay is smart, he’ll hurry up and find his better half and marry him before proposition 8 makes that not so possible. if nothing else, he can say he tried to be a part of something to help gay rights move forward, rather then just a bad television show.

also, chuck klosterman just came out with a new book!! “downtown owl” was released september 16, and unlike his previous works which tend to be nonfiction/semi autobiographical at times; klosterman’s new release is fiction. after a little bit of research, i can’t wait!

oh holy al gore….the man might have been on to something in that movie i fell asleep in….

 

allz i gotz to say is, 2012 brah!

allz i gotz to say is, 2012 brah!

 

 

before i peace out on this one….here’s a little new tv on the radio, for your ass. and i’m spent! goodnight!

hey, MTV waste of space viewer, now IS the time to do what celebs do…..

…..other than make bad decisions regarding accessories and sperm donors. back in the 2004 election, pop star christina aguilera was published like this

for a little website. For someone as popular as she was to try to stir interest in something so “uncool” as politics, was really quite remarkable. The other big celebrity to popularize caring about the future leader of our nation was this guy with the perpetual identity crisis….

vote or die!!!

he really means it.

now jessica alba has decided to inspire those of voting age to care about their future through the same website movement that aguilera took part in, which enabled users to register to vote, find information about candidates, buy merchandise aimed at promoting awareness, and in general, give the young generation a wake up call. alba’s photos will appear in magazines sometime this fall. 

in the mean time, heidi montag (of the hills!!!! check local listings) is doing her best to campaign for john mccain, which really is a smart move for her. you have to think about the future, and when she hits that $5 million mark that will qualify her and whatshisname as rich, she wants to make sure she’s not being taxed too much. it’s all about asset protection and fuck those middle class with no health insurance, ignored war vets, poor education system, and our planet going to shit.

sigh. Please, register to vote.

note to russia: leave georgia and invade penguinville!

and no, not the state of georgia, home of the dirty south (with Timbaland in the background mumbling durty durty) but european country of georgia. now there is a place more worthy of pushing around. with it’s new honorary colonel-in-chief Nils Olav, they are clearly in a weak state that could use a nice healthy shake up. not to come off as racist, but this man is black as well as white. and much like napoleon bonaparte was ridiculed for his short stature, this gent doesn’t even crack three feet tall. that’s right. this is no ordinary man or leader. this is a penguin. 

this penguin was a residing in the edingburgh zoo, located in scotland. Olav’s previous successor was made a  member of the king’s guard back in 1972, but died (or was assassinated!!!!!) and replaced with this attractive fellow on friday. please allow me to be the first to congratulate comrade olav in his promotion from honorable regimental sergeant major to honorary colonel-in-chief.