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2011: the Antillectuals are at the gates

Posted by Benjamin Light on

My New Year’s Resolution was to be less pessimistic and negative. Fuck it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those backward-looking saps who swears that Everything Was So Much Better *Before* before, before whatever time period that was long enough ago that we can idealize it. I fully endorse Neal Stephenson’s metaphor of Human Civilization as a Shipwreck in Five Acts. (If you don’t know what this is, you should go read Quicksilver. And no, I won’t link to it, take some initiative.) Things really are better now than in the past. Even with the recession. It just doesn’t seem that way, and the reason for this is The Internet.

We’re just so much more aware of how stupid people can be. And not just the proles, but people who should, or at least give the appearance of, knowing better. It’s too late in the night for me to go into detail on this, so I’ll write a more detailed post later. But I’d like to introduce to you all my concept of The Antillectual. Not to be confused with the ignorant dipshits who make up most of the population. These people actually know something, or at least know how to look it up online. This is the person who complains about The Social Network not being accurate. Who has lots of simple solutions (that wouldn’t work) to difficult problems. They say things like “I support Google because they’re open.” They read the Huffington Post health and wellness section. They think college is a waste of time, but assume that with their half-baked idea, they can end up just like Zuckerberg (even though they won’t go see the Facebook Movie, because it’s not what really happened.)

The Antillectual, thanks to Wikipedia, stands on the shoulders of the combined intelligence of all of human civilization. All the knowledge of the world is at their fingertips. And none of the wisdom. 2010 was a big year for the Antillectual. Modern information technologies like twitter and smartphones have swelled their ranks like never before. But that was just the prelude. In 2011, they’re going to take over.

Sometimes I can’t believe it; I’m moving past the feeling…

Posted by Benjamin Light on

I was all set to fill in for Marco and write up a Mad Men recap, but then I noticed that OS X now blocks screenshots of protected content. I don’t know when they worked in that wrinkle, but well done sirs. I’m far too lazy to search for screencaps online, so I’ll just drop some general thoughts.

Don: Is it a problem that I now root for Don Draper the same way I do for Jason Stackhouse? I’m like, “Attaboy, Draper! For an encore, do your neighbor!” Probably. I don’t know if television has ever given us one character, let alone two, who deal with this kind of “pussy overflow” on such a regular basis. Old Don would be hopelessly drawn to to the self-assured marketing analyst, because just like Rachel Mencken, girls who say no turn him on. New Don… well, we’ll see how much he’s really changed. He’s single now, so women are viewing him as a potential partner instead of just a fling now, and he’s having trouble getting used to it.

Peggy: Her talk with Freddy was a little “on the nose,” as they say, but we get the picture. Peggy knows this dork isn’t marriage material, so she’ll fuck him for now, knowing this will hasten his exit. While we’ve certainly gotten hints of feminist angst from her before, I think this episode was the closest she’s come to outright voicing them. I liked the half-grimace she, Joan and the marketing chick all seemed to share when White Pants were brought up in the meeting.

Roger: I think SCDP will not end the season with Lucky Strike as a client.

Betty: Fuck Betty.

Glen: Him too. Creep. The world, August Bravo aside, was not asking for more Glen.

——-

But what’s really on my mind tonight/this morning is the new Arcade Fire album: The Suburbs.

As soon as I read about the title of this LP, I had a feeling I’d like it. I’ve always had a complex connection with suburbia, and it sounds like Win Butler does too. I’m only on my second listen-through, but I can tell that this is an album that’s going to keep growing on me.

It’s a sort of choppy, stream of consciousness series of vignettes on the love/hate relationships between the suburbs and the city. The sprawl is an inescapable malaise of crushed dreams, but go downtown and maybe those shallow hipsters aren’t your kind either. Two years into an economic catastrophe and a lot of those downtown bohemia promises can start to sound like so much happy bullshit. Something fascinating about the line, “Now that San Francisco’s gone, I guess I’ll just pack it in.” There’s a theme of weary resignation here. But in The Suburbs, resignation feels a lot like growing up, and who says that’s a good thing, even if it’s unavoidable.

Most of the kids in my generation — if they could afford to, if they didn’t get shackled with a burdensome spouse or child, or military service — they moved to the city as soon as they could get away. Me, I moved back to the suburbs. I guess I’ve always felt there was something important going on here. Something that, if I came to understand it, would understand everything about modern American life. I don’t think I do yet, but I’m getting closer.

I’m confident that one day I will, and then I’ll leave.

Something something bad pun MENOPAUSE!

Posted by Benjamin Light on

The first ever Counterforce post was me kicking dirt on the corpse of Sex and the City. Naturally, Hollywood zombie-fied that corpse and made a sequel two years later.

No, I haven’t gone to see it. I don’t hate myself.

Ai! Ai! A balrog! A balrog!

Yes, I’m going to heap even more scorn on the oxygen thieves responsible for this franchise. Because lets be honest, reading about how terrible this movie is has to be more entertaining that suffering through its 2.5 hour running time. It’s rocking a 14% right now on Rotten Tomatoes. Many are calling it the worst movie of the year. I’m calling it cultural terrorism. That touchstone you can point to when you’re talking about what’s wrong with the world.

Kudos to Horseface and her hack director Michael Patrick King for producing the first Hollywood-financed Al Queda propaganda film. I mean, that’s what this is, right? You’re trying to make the world hate America, aren’t you? You aren’t? Seriously? No, come on, tell me this is some sort of extremely bold satire. You want us to stab women who say “fabulous” too much. It’s all a big put on, right? At least spin me some bullshit about camp and the queer gaze. No? Are you fucking kidding me? You meant this? You really put in a scene where this rich bitch who doesn’t work and has a housekeeper AND A FUCKING NANNY is whining about how hard it is to be a parent? You intended this? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Was the goal to validate everything haters like me always said about the show?

I find it repulsive that this tripe still gets passed off a progressive in some circles. Contort your ideals all you want, there’s nothing empowering about consumerism and staring at your belly-button isn’t Feminism.

* not pictured: reason, accountability, self-awareness, shame, respect...

Some choice review quotes:

“Everyone’s phoning it in for the first two hours. And let me point out something that I’ve just said there: ‘The First. Two. Hours.’”

from here

“The most grotesque aspect of Sex and the City remains the central characters, all four of whom (to varying degrees) are obsessed with the trappings of wealth. They exist to consume. It’s a three-ring circus of materialism, narcissism, and entitlement.”

from here

“Carrie immediately reveals her kiss to Big, who ultimately forgives her because “I took a vow”—and gives her a big fat diamond ring to “remind her that she’s married.” Charlotte and Miranda bitch about their kids, then raise a glass to the hard work of stay-at-home mothers who do it all—and without help.”

from here

“The stakes are so low that, during the girls’ final madcap sprint through an outdoor market disguised in burqas, the unspeakable outcome they’re trying to forestall is the possibility of having to fly home in coach.”

from here

“The tagline states that we should ‘Carrie on.’ The publicity dept. almost got it right, but the spelling’s off. It needs to be ‘Carrion’ because nothing says putrefying, rotten and vile quite like this sequel.”

from here

“This is the new torture porn.”

that one was my favorite, from here

Do Not Want!

“When Marie Antoinette did this, the people tore down the f’ing Bastille.”

from here

“When Carrie asks Big, “Am I just a bitch wife who nags you?” I could hear all the straight men in the theater — all four of us — being physically prevented from responding.”

from here

This is actually David Duchovny in a wig and shades, SJP was busy the day of the promo shoot.

and finally

“Some of these people make my skin crawl. The characters of Sex and the City 2 are flyweight bubbleheads living in a world which rarely requires three sentences in a row. … Carrie also narrates the film, providing useful guidelines for those challenged by its intricacies. Sample: “Later that day, Big and I arrived home.”"

–Roger Ebert

And Chris Noth, as Mr. Big.

“Now you’re like me”

Posted by Benjamin Light on

I’m sure Marco will have plenty more to say about tonight’s awesome LOST episode later, but for now, I just wanted to get this out there:

ps. who else nearly jizzed in their pants when it looked like Desmond was going to run over Locke all over again?

Counterforce at the Movies: The Twilight Saga – New Moon

Posted by Benjamin Light on

[3:32] <Benjamin_Light> Hello Everyone and Welcome to Counterforce at the Movies!

[3:32] <marcosparks2012> This is going to be painful

[3:32] <marcosparks2012> Right off the bat, let me just say… Summit entertainment: How dare you?

[3:32] <Benjamin_Light> This week, we’re watching New Moon

[3:32] <marcosparks2012> Oh my God, it’s the MOON. And it’s new. I’m sorry, I’m just dazzled by the sparkly images on the screen

[3:32] <Benjamin_Light> Marco never saw twilight, so just let me know if you need filling in on any pertinent details

Continue reading →

Why Won’t You Just Die Already? Radio edition

Posted by Benjamin Light on

I’d like to start a new feature called “Why Won’t You Just Die Already?”

Don't tease us, asshole

Here at The Counterforce, we believe that good things happen to good people. Imagine my thrill when I read about 80s gutter trash bret michaels suffering a brain hemorrhage. It was like hearing that your favorite baseball pitcher was taking a no-hitter into the eighth. But alas, he has, as of yet, cheated death. And seriously, wouldn’t dying be his most sensible career move?

We can still hope. Cross your fingers, kight a candle, kill a chicken. Or, as Big Ben Roethlisberger would say, “All my bitches, take some shots!” If we all think good thoughts, maybe the world will reward us.

This guy's a rapist?? GTFO!

But I digress. Marco and I were talking recently about Radio. Used to be, if you wanted to hear the new shit, you tuned in to your favorite alt-station. Ok, so those old stations probably played tons of shit, but leave us our idealized youths. They played good stuff too, I swear! But today. Today. Fuck me. Have you even tried listening to a modern radio station? Jesus.

What fascinates me is that all those old shitty songs from the 90s still get a ton of play. I mean who the fuck actually wants to hear fucking ‘Give it Away’ again? And yet there is this eternal playlist of shitty modern rock songs that just will not die. This must be how our parents felt about Donovan and Otis Redding. So, today, we will focus on the music that just won’t go away. This short list will be no means be exhaustive, I would encourage you all to add your suggestions in the comments.

3 AM – Matchbox Twenty

He wants to push you around.

Have you ever met a single person ever who actually likes this band? Rob Thomas must suck the dicks of some very important people.

Give Me One Reason – Tracy Chapman

No! We refuse to give you even one reason. Go away!

This is what’s playing on repeat at the Starbucks in Hell.

Save Tonight – Eagle-eyed Cherry

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The musical equivalent of drinking one of those little pre-packaged sealed cups of dairy creamer.

Torn – Natalie Imbruglia

Ironically enough, Natalie’s Singles compilation is also a single.

This one makes no sense at all. She was a one-hit wonder from Convict Island, so it’s not like the stations have a payola contract with her to burn off.

Meet Virginia – Train

In case you didn’t hear, her father works on carburetors.

Possibly the most asinine song ever.

Give It Away – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Seeing this picture will cause you to reach for the tuner on your stereo, just out of reflex.

Why do our favorite bands always tend to fade after a few albums, but these motherfuckers just stick around forever, still pumping out shit? Their new stuff is bad enough, but after all these years, Give It Away is still making everyone change the radio station, even if it’s to a commercial.

Fly Away – Lenny Kravitz

As my good friend Erotikus once said, ‘Rock is dead, and Lenny Kravitz is fucking the corpse.’

It’s not like this was a good song that got played too much, it was a steaming pile of shit even when it came out. And it STILL GETS FUCKING AIRPLAY! Who are these people who enjoy the stylings of Lenny Kravitz??? Please suicide yourselves.

I’m sure you can think of additional candidates.

Man wrecks car; pisses life away.

Posted by Benjamin Light on

So I’m watching Point Break, as promised, and wondering why some people just seem to hate this movie. And I think I have the answer: the 10 minute rule.

Anyone in filmmaking knows that most people make up their mind about a movie in the first ten minutes. It either grabs them, or it doesn’t. And you know what’s missing from the first 10 minutes of Point Break? Patrick fucking Swayze. I guess I can see how some people just saw this as a Keanu flick and checked out. Because Keanu, after all, is Keanu. But Swayze just lives his role as Bohdi. I mean, if you had told me that the Swayz knocked off a couple small banks on the side to get into the part I would have totally believed you.

Before Swayze shows up, Point Break is mostly ho-hum. Then it turns into some kind of awesome roller-coaster where Bohdi can walk into a scene and say “Johnny has his own demons to deal with. Don’t you, Johnny?” and you totally buy it.

The man is fascinating, and you kind of wish he made 10o more movies in his career. There’s like a Tao of Swayze that needs to be studied in film schools. If I can take an auteur class on Ida Lupino, surely there’s room for a seminar or two on the career of Patrick Swayze.

A fascinating man.

Anyway.

Just an open word out there to all you supposed Lost fans who seem to pop up EVERY FUCKING SEASON whining about how you’re not getting enough answers: It’s a fucking mystery show! You are never going to get all the answers until it’s over. You knew this in Season 1. Why are you still here if that was a problem? Let me tell you why the rest of us fans are still here: because of the characters. If you’re not into it, then fuck off and quit bitching. This is the last season; enjoy it like fine wine instead of demanding a rush to the ending. Ass.

In other news, Rogue Wave has a new album out, just listening to it right now.

A man in Washington crashed into a telephone pole in his car. He survived without serious injury and called his family for help. Then he took a piss near a live electrical wire and electrocuted himself to death. That’s fucking awesome, some real Final Destination shit.

Root beer makes a fine mixer for vodka.

Jerry Brown is probably going to be the next governor of Cali. If you’re wondering why this state is so fucked up, look no further than that and Prop 13. Also, if you don’t live in California, don’t get cocky. We just got here first, you’re next.

If Jerry Brown is the answer, we're asking the wrong question

Under-rated Point Break moment: Johnny Utah jumping out of a plane after Bohdi. No parachute, just a gun. If Jack Bauer did that we’d all be jizzing in our pants.

I really want to read this book.

That is all.