blackberry, i love you but you’re bringing me down

you know, i’m a normal girl. nothing too crazy, like having a cat farm as i’ll never have children. i have a boyfriend, he’s mad cute and likes me!!! i don’t talk to myself in public. often. ok, that’s a lie, but i’m pretty balanced. but i have a special relationship that i just can’t hide.

oooh yeah gurl, work that shit

her name is blackberry curve, and we’ve been together two years now. two special years. we’ve had our ups and downs, you know, like everyone else. but she keeps me connected, mostly. i look out for her too. i get her insurance and even clothe her in boring little gel covers. you know, in case i drop her all crunk like. but when she slips out of that cover….damn!

i wish that we could talk about it, but there, that's the problem

it’s a sleek phone! it is! i hear other peeps talking about their texting machines; iphone, androids, misc machines out there. yeah, that’s all great for you. it is. but i’ve gotten to know this thing, and change is hard. you get this shiny pretty thing, never bothering to read all the pamphlets and watch the tapes. this BB and i have gotten to know each other. she takes my photos, sends my facebook updates, tweets my nonsense, and deletes my shitty spam email. she’s been an important part of my life!!! there’s few humans i would trust with those tasks, but i trust her!

dare i? no...no, maybe she isn't good enough to have my last name.

so here we are, at contract renewal time. i put a lot of faith in you, but like all old models, you’re breaking down. not what you used to be. it’s like the relationship that just starts to fall apart. i don’t get texts because you won’t get off your fat ass and receive them. you put your needs ahead of mine, always needing charging and self absorbed things like that. i pay your bills! keep you looking good! hate to go all janet, but what have you done for me lately??? she can’t blame me for having that wandering eye….ooooOOOooooyeah!

sound of silver talk to me. makes you want to feel like a teenager.

it’s not to say i don’t believe that someone can find eternal and committed love. i do, it exists, i think? jonathan franzen wrote a little piece about something similar recently. it touched the unfeelingness that i and a lot of people had been feeling. ever since these little devices/angels from heaven had been introduced to our lives. the disconnect of connection. the like of ourselves when others *like* us. “we like the mirror and the mirror likes us.” this is a topic that’s been covered-ish. what did i mostly take from this article? franzen had a blackberry!! my literary idol shares my love, but is also a bird watcher…so there’s that.

so this isn’t a decision to take lightly, obviously. she’s meant a lot to me. sadly though, there’s a ton of the twist, but we’re fresh out of shout….to be continued….

hey, i’m a child of divorce, give me a break.

evelyn: what about the past?

patrick: we never really shared one.

this man wasn’t just what they thought he was. or was he? that’s a tough call to make. i’ve read the bret easton ellis book american psycho and seen the movie again for maybe the 17th time just recently. 17th, yes, definitely. i see patrick in all his consumer elitism, hiding inside his nice suits, above average haircut, tortoise shell glasses, 18 pack abs, and jaw dropping business cards….i see it in us.

look at that subtle off white coloring

this man is sweating bullets (don’t think louis didn’t notice) over his business card not being the talk of the conference table. i can’t help but draw parallels between a movie/book about the mid 80’s and how it relates to life today. more specifically, social networking. as we’re all social beings, our networking is very important. if we go out on a friday, we’re sure to take our smart phones and upload those photos. not only do they go to our facebook and maybe even myspace (may it rest in peace)  but also to our twitter accounts. that’s if we’re so foolish as to not link our updates!!!!

omg, in the middle of 3some. #brb #philcollins

i’ve had talks with Capt Light, you may know him. we’ve discussed the way that people like to present themselves to the outside world. to certain people we are daughter/coworker/person we cheated off of in geometry. and that image may be who we actually are, or it may be just what we like to let others believe. but online we are anyone! we have camera phones! and four square!

i just became the mayor of your mom's box. #sorrybro

we can go out and let all our friends know about it. tell them where we’ve been and when we’ve moved on elsewhere. tag the people in photos that were our accomplices. and then the friends that couldn’t make it are left to :/ and comment or “like” it instead. it presents the most social and witty side of ourselves that we wish we could be more often. or at least present to those friends/followers/geometry inferiors.

oh yeah, i'm following @augustbarcelona. thought you knew.

is the real us such a let down? the real peanut is an unemployed sociology student that loves being a literary  elitist and music snob. when and if (!!) she graduates in two years, she’ll be begging for a job in social work that won’t pay the mounting debt accumulated by college. assuming our economy doesn’t continue to plunge deeper and deeper into the bowels of hell. but do i enjoy a peek into twitter or facebook? do i post photos of my drunk self out and about?

don't we all?

my intent here is not to say beware of your friends. we all know a crazy or two, and they’re good for a retweet. it may be more of a beware yourself. why must we present this better self?

…..why does or doesn’t patrick go all nail gun crazy on his secretary?

u know skirts, heading out for sorbet...

i guess we all want to protect our inner bateman’s…..

will it be just like i’m dreaming?

greetings y’all. i’d like to treat this as any other post, but i’m not a frequent poster. can’t just be easy going, “hey, what’s the hapz, guyz?” kinda deal. but rest assured, this peanut cares.

me, caring.

what do significant occasions mean to you? to each person, they carry their own weight. birthdays always mean a lot to me. surviving in our world isn’t as easy. ask anyone to make it to make it past 80s movies.

exhibit A

exhibit B

these guys care a lot about their movies. you know why? their whole career rests on it. they have something to say for themselves. whether that news says they’ve made a career out of being the nerd that fails with gingers, or they fail at being charlie sheen’s less coked up brother. either way, that’s great! i regret to say that i have not achieved such a status. do i regret it?

schmaybeeeee??

so i guess i’ll break the bad news. i put it off long enough, right? i turned 30. joined the leagues of benjie and marco will be following us this year. it just doesn’t seem like it’s my time. why now, is 30 a death sentence?

i'm the baddest b.

maybe.  i used to be cuter. i think? say some? maybe a lot of some. but i’ve gotten smarter since then, my 20s were not my brightest. since then, i’ve at minimum had a flashlight to guide me from my stupid mistakes. we’ve all had to guide our own light to show us the way for self respect. its not easy to find it, but i praise the lord *St Cosmo* i found mine!

tanning is awesome.

i dyed, wrote, clicked, drank, talked, listened, typed, through a thousand different scenarios. all of which were fantastic and actually blog worthy. i loved it and hated it all. it was a fantastic time i could only tell you about if i had a phenom publishing deal.

thought you knew?but sadly i’m just a sociology major thats waiting for a bit of input on her own life. or some unwelcome outside input that will just fuck it all up, but set the wheels into motion at least. do you know how hard it is do that for yourself? do you? i do. i know it well and considered it all. and here i am. what will you do?

i’m proud of where i’ve landed. i know i’ve chosen for myself rather than let a man choose for me. life is not complete, but it’s not been unlived either.

The Questions.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Pictures from here and here.

And here.

And here and here.

And also here.

Sailing to the moon (with your eyeballs).

This isn’t from the lunar eclipse last night, but this is a pretty cool picture of one…

from here.

Right?

But here is a pretty neat time lapse video of last night’s eclipse on a solstice:

I tried to experience the journey of the moon across the night sky myself (I’m glad I was there and not, say, trying to catch a showing of that Spider-Man musical) early this morning but poor visibility became an issue. That and the general weirdness of the other moon worshipers. I guess my kind of people only come out at night.

from here.

Sex (I’m A…).

Yesterday…

from here.

…I discovered not what I’d call my favorite new twitter account, but certainly my favorite new weird twitter account: OMG Facts SEX. It’s an offshoot of a site called OMG Facts, and there’s other categories as well, including: OMG Facts ANIMALS, OMG Facts CELEBS, and OMG Facts SPORTS. Be careful not to mix all four of those together or you might have a real party on your hands.

Here are some selections from the OMG Facts SEX twitter…

from here.

White women with a college degree are the most receptive to anal sex. 30% of U.S. males have had a homosexual encounter. Outside of the bedroom, the most common place for adults in the U.S. to have sex is the car. A woman’s least favorite spot for sex is the car. Nearly a quarter of mental health professionals have had sexual contact with their patients. Masturbation is more common among white-collar workers than blue-collar workers. Otters can get herpes. Rasputin was famous for having a 13 inch penis.

from here.

Condoms as we know them didn’t appear until 1878. 1 in 4 women can’t name all of their past lovers. The punishment for bestiality in the Middle Ages was for both you AND your “partner” to be burned at the stake. Leonardo da Vinci was bi (probably). When a single women and a married man have an affair, 70% of the time the man ends it. The word “gymnasium” comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means “to exercise naked.” A male fetus is capable of an erection in the last trimester. Redheads are the least popular call girls.

from here.

The name Venerial Disease comes from the latin phrase meaning “the sickness of Venus” (goddess of love). Women are most likely to want to cheat when they are ovulating. Most turkeys and giraffes are bisexual. The average speed of ejaculation is 28 miles per hour. Sex is a natural antihistamine, it can help combat asthma and hay fever. During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns around 200 calories. When women orgasm, the areas of the brain associated with fear shut off. One in every four Americans is “too tired” to have sex.

In Nevada, prostitution is only legal in towns with a population of less than 2000. Women who went to college are more likely than high school dropouts to enjoy giving oral sex. 34% of first kisses happen at a party. Mariah Carey likes to wear her shoes in bed while having sex. A Scottish study found that following sexual release, people had an easier time with public speaking. More women talk dirty during sex than men. Readers of Cosmopolitan said that they’re more turned on by music than pornography.

The graveyard blog.

By the always genius Tom Gauld. See also here.