A few weeks ago, the Onion’s supremely less-talented AV Club did a feature where all the main writers talked about which piece of cultural art — generally considered to be a masterpiece — that they secretly didn’t like/get. Two of these “writers” who get paid cash money to write about film, had bad things to say about Network and Dr. Strangelove. If that shouldn’t disqualify you from ever earning a cent in the movie review business, I don’t know what should. If only the AV Club could team up with Stephanie Zacharek, they’d form some sort of vortex of shitty taste that could be isolated and dealt with.

Beyond Reproach

But it’s pretty easy to identify people who don’t like 2 of the greatest films of all time as having bad taste. What I’d like to talk about today are the more subtle hints of it. These are movie, television shows and people in general whom it may not seem so shameful to enjoy, but in actuality, are what I like to call Hidden Indicators of Bad Taste.

You see, it’s easy to point out someone who loves Heroes or American Idol or Transformers as being a douche. I mean, we all saw that episode of The Office where Amy Adams goes to bat for Legally Blonde. Painful, but obvious. What we’re after here is that category of folk who think they’ve got good taste. The stuff they champion isn’t obviously bad until you think about it for a while.

Still ahead of its time

Now, before you get all riled up because something you like is on this list, just understand, it’s probably forgivable if it’s just one. Two is pushing it and three means you suck. And also understand, when I say hidden indicators, I mean it’s not just that a person likes this movie, it’s that they think it is a legitimately quality piece of art. These are films and shows they will proudly announce as their favorites. If they do: shun them.

The Boondock Saints

Unless you’re really into Queer Cinema, having a deep affection for this movie does not speak well of your mental might. My general feeling about The Boondock Saints is that the people who revere this film are the same morons who watched Fight Club and then wanted to start their own. It is one thing to consider this movie stupidly entertaining, but far another to grant it any sort of higher artistic merit. If you meet someone, and they try to make a serious point in conversation about drugs, gangs, Irish people or the Church, by referencing this movie: just politely nod and move on. And double that if they happen to boast of being Irish themselves. Fuckin stinking Irish pigs.

Almost Famous

Cameron Crowe has managed to convince quite a few people that he is a good writer. I think it’s because his movies are really long, chatty and have lots of pop music. People just assume that all that talkin equals talent. Almost Famous is about 45 minutes too long and, lets be honest here, is just one big masturbation session for Crowe to idealize his youth. Also, Kate Hudson: I just don’t see it. But that can wait for a whole separate column on Female Celebrity Sex Symbols Who No Males Think Are Actually Hot. And the kind of music writing Crowe is jizzing all over in this movie is exactly the sort of make-myself-part-of-the-story hackery that drags down journalism today.

…I was really tempted to put Pitchfork, in general, on this list, but decided music is too subjective.

Stranger Than Fiction

It’s like this: smart people like I Heart Huckabees. People who think they’re smart like Stranger Than Fiction. It’s got Will Ferrell! And he’s still shouting a lot, but it’s a drama! And Spoon is all over the soundtrack (virtually ruining my opinion of them). What do we learn from Stranger Than Fiction: that all you need to do to shake things up and start really living life is to buy a guitar and throw a few humps into Maggie Gyllenhaal. But the most egregious sin here is the characters constantly talking about how great Emma Thompson‘s tragedy writer is; what a brilliant novelist and all that. Note to screenplay writers: if you’re going to announce that something is really great writing, it had better be really great writing. The people with secretly bad taste: they think it is.

Battlestar Galactica

Death by bad writing

This show was actually pretty good for  season and a half, then it just went more and more downhill. A victim, I think, of the shows producers reading too much of their own press. But there is this core deluded fan base, whom I keep seeming to run into, that insist this is far and away the best show on TV. I think these are the same sorts of people who think over-acting is good acting. That excessive montage and endless sitar-and-drum scoring means inspired directing. Battlestar Galactica is what happens when a writer only shows and never tells. And if there’s one thing I hate in serial narratives, it’s when characters act completely different episode to episode depending on what stretched allegory the writers are shooting for. If you thought the insurgency against the Cylons on New Caprica was a brilliant metaphor for the Iraq War then you are an idiot.

Ridley Scott

Seriously, this guy just screams mediocrity. How doe she get away with it when Brett Ratner gets pilloried by fanboys? I think I blame him for a lot of the shitty shakey-cam we see in action movies these days. He started that whole cop-out excuse of “The footage is confusing and hard to follow because that’s just what war is like.” Tell is to Steven, you hack. Also, Blade Runner is the most overrated sci-fi movie ever, and was secretly better before the Director’s Cut. Ridley Scott is like the poster boy for style lacking substance, so of course people with no substance themselves will think he’s a great filmmaker.

Hellboy 2

This one’s kind of fish in a barrel, but seriously, there are people who out there who think this was the best film of the year. People like Stephanie Zacharek, who gets paid to write such things. (I can’t heap enough scorn on her. Come on, Salon, how do you let hacks like her and Camille Paglia draw a paycheck?) Hellboy 2, a lazy and uncreative movie at every turn, is the kind of flick that people without the ability to discern a director’s talent from a CGI artist’s competency will think is amazing. At this point, I’d like to sweep up Peter Jackson‘s recent oeuvre as well. Pure hackery.

I really wanted to add Freaks and Geeks to this list, but in fairness, I’ve not seen enough of it to make that call. Though I strongly suspect, based on what I have seen, that the show is wildly over-rated.

Please feel free to nominate your own candidates below, I know I’m forgetting a few.