Heaven can wait.

Mad linkage:

And on Hilter’s birthday, the Hitler Downfall meme will now disappear from youtube because of copyright claims. Fitting?

Soldiers helping to build schools in Afghanistan.

Survey: 80% of librarians have had sex in an elevator.

Speaking of which, George Washington owes $300,000 in late fees to the NYC library system.

Obama clashes with gay rights hecklers.

Christina Hendricks in Esquire.

An interview with The Office‘s Ellie Kemper.

Remember her from this video? “I give the best blow jobs!”

Take a ride on Dr. Smith’s flying machine from 1896.

Time traveler caught in historic museum photo.

The next Bond movie on “indefinite hold

Pictures from the music video for “Heaven Can Wait,” the first single from Charlotte Gainsbourg’s new album, IRM. The video is directed by the collective Keith Schofield. I like it because of it’s simple “weird imagery,” which feels almost like a visual throwback to the 90s style of music video’s “weird imagery.” You can find the video here and here.

Also, the name “Keith Schofield” is really just a combination of the names of the members of the directing collective, Keith Haverbrooks, Eric Schoman, and Jeff Mayfield.

I should also point out that all the songs on Gainsbourg’s new album are written by Beck, who also produces. Also, Beck really looks creepy, and appears to be entering a “looks like a terrifying old man with an option to possibly look like a child molester” face of his life and career.

Characters from Charles Burns’ Black Hole brought to life.

Terrorism studies and game theory.

Wired interviews Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse about the creation of Lost.

Apocalypse Please

Press play and scroll!


apocalypse

ca-wildfire-highway

fire1

Maybe it’s part of my deep-seated sociopathic tendencies, but I’ve long daydreamed about a lifting of the veil. There’s something seductive about the idea. Much in the same way that Lost mines a collective inner desire to get marooned in a plane crash; the end of the world — deadly chaotic as it may be — feels like our best chance to relax and escape the rat race. When faced with mortgage payments and performance reviews, wouldn’t we all rather be siphoning gas, looting abandoned houses and hiding from feral catamites?

Horrible Disasters seem to mark my life. A few days after I moved into a house in Santa Cruz, some religious assholes flew planes into the World Trade Center. While I was driving down I-5, moving to San Diego, New Orleans was getting obliterated by Katrina. Shortly after I moved back from San Diego, the town threatened to burn itself down. Then, a year later, I was choking on smoke fumes as I walked across the parking lot to a job interview in Northern California. I got the job. And now, it’s LA’s turn again.

Sidebar: this is the fourth catastrophic fire to hit California in the past seven years. And the third year in a row. At what point should we start getting concerned?

Anyway, The night before Katrina wiped out New Orleans, I wrote a blog wherein I expressed my hope that the approaching hurricane would cause catastrophic damage. I got my wish! So let’s give it another shot. I would very much like to see the current fire burn the Hollywood sign. Make it happen!

You don’t puff or snorkel and make death-like rattles

Previously, on Lost

Lost!

That Dick Cheney doesn’t lack for ways to piss off liberals. I think he just jumped like 20 spots on the Top 100 all-time Villains list. Much as I despise the bastard, I must tip my cap. Nicely done, you son of a bitch. Dare I say a move worthy of Benjamin Linus?

He's a Bond Villain come-to-life

He's a Bond Villain come-to-life

Anyway…

Dear Hollywood,

What the fuck happened? It’s not even June and the only Event Movies left in the docket and G.I. fucking Joe and a sequel no one asked for to that godawful Transformers movie. This summer movie season has barely started and it’s already over. Last year, the Specter of The Dark Knight hung over everything, saying, “hold tight, you’ve got something to look forward to.” This year, Hollywood, you thrust once, came, and fell asleep on top of us.

FAIL

FAIL

Ticket sales might look good if blockbusters still only cost $100 million to make, but these days you can’t drop an event movie for less than $150 mil, before marketing. Do you think that maybe, maybe. Maybe. Maybe this endless procession of milking weak properties into joyless shaky-cam set pieces is starting to take its toll? 3D will not save you. Rebooting a franchise twice in under 20 years will not save you. Michael Bay will not save you. Turning Sherlock Holmes into a fucking buddy action comedy will not save you. Hire some real fucking writers and let them finish the script before you start pre-production.

People did not go see Wall-E, Iron Man and The Dark Knight over and over again because of the CG and the action sequences.

Whatever, Hollywood. You’re busy making Yahtzee: the Movie. If you can’t be bothered to churn out an ounce of original material, can we at least work on your formula. There’s some easy tweaks we can make to hit a wider demograph. Listen up, suits. This is my 5 point plan to get your mojo back:

1) Remake all Nic Cage movies with Matthew McConaughey

"I've always found Matthew to be a very haunting and ethereal performer" --Nic Cage

"I've always found Matthew to be a very haunting and ethereal performer" --Nic Cage

That’s right, and this includes all the movies Nicolas has already remade. (ed. note: holy shit, I just spelled “McConaughey’ right on the first try. What do I win? Or lose?) Naturally, some of the settings and timelines may have to be shifted a little to allow ample opportunities for Matt to take his shirt off, or at least leave it unbuttoned to the navel. The Wicker Man could take place on an island in the Gulf, and maybe Trapped in Paradise involves a Memorial Day wedding this time. Maybe he’s stealing 50 jet skis in 24 hours now. Not hard. Kate Hudson should probably play the love interest in 25 percent of these. Oh, and the best part of this plan: we get Cage to play the antagonist in every one of them. You know he’d do it. I just turned Face//Off into fucking Vertigo.

2) Aaron Yoo must always play the wacky sidekick

Money.

Money.

Everybody loves wacky asians. Also, it’s imperative that Yoo’s character be shown frequently using the latest consumer-electronics equipment and/or social networking services. You hit your youth market and get some money on the back end from product placement. Surely Microsoft is waiting to dump millions in your lap to hype their latest Zune failure. Also, don’t be afraid to have Aaron play it gay: you’ll get free reign to make jokes about pretty much every ethnic or gender group there is.

3) Ditch the origin stories

the good part

the good part

Take a cue from The Watchmen or Wolverine and just pack the whole origin into the opening titles sequence. Because let’s be honest, when it comes to story-telling, musical montage is about the only thing modern music-video-culled directors can really handle (special bonus to Wolverine for telling the whole origin story in the opening credits and then filling screen time for another 90 minutes! Win!) With pretty much every reboot the audience walks out of these days, the reaction is: “Huh, that was okay, can’t wait for the real movie now that they’ve got all that out of the way!” Why wait and hope for enough B.O. to get another one green-lit when you can just jump right into the sequel by page 10? In fact, your marketing people would love it if everyone just pretends this is already the follow-up. Memorial Day, 2010: The Wire 2: Slim Charles N Charge

4) Why stop at one love interest?

Oh Kristin, I had suck fuckin hopes for you

Oh Kristin, I had such fuckin hopes for us

These days you need both the good love interest and the bad love interest. And it’s imperative that the bad one reject our hero early in the film, only to come crawling back later begging for cock, sexually debase herself and then get rejected by the hero. Or, as I like to call it, The Apatow Affect.

5) Snuff it up a little

Because everyone slows down to check out a car wreck

Because everyone slows down to check out a car wreck

Don’t scoff, you’re competing with YouTube and the Internets now. I’m not saying you do anything rash, but hey: you’re filming your McConaughey/Cage/Yoo reboot of World Trade Center (WTC²: Burj Dubaicalypse) on location; life is cheaper there, regulations not so rigid… you just never know when an accident might happen on set when 13 cameras are rolling. Don’t worry, you won’t use that footage in the finished film out of respect for the family (though sadly, the unfortunate victim won’t have had anyone that would miss him) but the viral campaign leading up the release would be like writing a $20 million dollar check for extra first-weekend grosses.

Now how easy is that, Hollywood? Don’t thank me, just pay me. We can build on this!

– Benjamin Light

Antichrist Television Blues.

As it goes with so many of his posts on Counterforce, this one starts with Marco emailing Lollipop and asking her a question about who knows what, seeking advice and inspiration. There’s a suggestion that one should put their thinking cap on, and then…

from here.

Lollipop Gomez: I was always so confused when people in elementary school would say put your thinking caps on. Like.. wait, an actual CAP? A pen cap?

Oh, for a future Lost post, I insist you use one of these AMAZING photographs of sawyer from his early modeling days.

from here.

Marco Sparks: Yeah, sometimes in school I would get bored and draw little doodles of people with these big electorate and bizarre mechanical things that would go on their heads and spool up power and stroke the electromagnetic waves of their brain to inspire, I don’t know, thoughts.

Man, those pictures. That’s hilarious. Thank you. Like something out of Cool World. What are they going for there… like an early Brad Pitt thing?

LG: They’re going for an early HOT thing. I don’t know, actually. He looks completely different now. I’m sure that’s intentional. But man do those photos encapsulate the aesthetic of the 90s or what? Which is interesting because LOST as much as I can’t stand the way it manipulates its viewers week after week totally encapsulates the TV of the ’00s: with the Internet & Tivo (and even more, DVR which is becoming standard in cable packages now), people are much choosier about what they want to watch and they demand a much higher quality than ever before. Lost, while being pure entertainment, is also a really complicated show that’s difficult to follow — can you imagine that kind of show in the 80s?

And if you use that in a future post, please credit me as a “pop culture scholar.”

Marco: Oh, I will. (editor’s note: It’s this post. The one that you’re reading. Fourth wall? Gone!) Gladly.

But you’re absolutely right. Lost is the ultimate example of a show for this day and age. It’s deeper than just what’s on the surface, in the sense that… for lack of a better metaphor… you can wiki it, or make a wiki out of it. It forces you to make certain connections on your own, and to bring certain meanings to it yourself.

The 90s water cooler show was Seinfeld, sitting around with people after the fact, just repeating jokes and single lines that you heard the previous night and guffawing. The most depth you got was “I loved the way that so and so did this and that.” But with Lost, you’re not just admiring and recapping, you’re hypothesizing constantly. You feel as if you’re a part of the thing, as if you’re as important to it as it is to you.

LG: And the other thing, thinking about it from say, a creator’s perspective, it forces you to follow it week after week. And that’s exactly it, you keep thinking about it and making connections. Which is why, I hate when people say “TV rots your brain”, maybe it used to, but it certainly doesn’t any more. The Sopranos totally ushered in that age; of shows where not everything was handed to you and you had to think about it and look for the subtext and the meaning. And I think (and this is a cheesy hypothesis but this is on the cuff), that maybe that has something to do with it being the uncertain twenty first century. In the 90s we were clintonized and happy and the most drama we had was the president having phone sex with an intern. We had no idea what to expect with the ’00s; and now we are kind of forced to be much more self reflexive with the economy and having no idea what the hell is going to happen next. So, the TV shows are more serious; more complex and more involved.

Does that make sense?

Marco: Yeah, perfectly. It’s a weird time now, just cause of the 00s, but we’ve gone from”Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow” (or “Don’t stop believing“) to whatever the hell was going on in the past 8 years (hello rise of post-apocalyptic worries and fears that drifted into our collective pop cultural unconscious zeitgeist) to this new age. We’re still scared, we’re still afraid, but at the same time… we can that “yes, we can.” We’ve been happy, we’ve been terrified, but now, even though things are bad, we know that we can do amazing things if we really work at it.

And TV rotting your brain… yeah, maybe once upon a time. The premium cable TV shows, following the British model of doing TV, did change that. An episode of your favorite show can now be a chapter in the amazing novel that you’re reading and watching enacted on the tapestry of the cathode ray before you. It’s an amazing time.

And we’re accepting heavily serialized television too! Some shows don’t make it because they’re buying into a serialized story just to do so (like Jericho, from what I gathered), but some are working, like Lost. And back in the 90s, that never happened. Remember Twin Peaks? You had to watch every episode and if you missed one, you were fucked hard. So of course it failed.

LG: There’s a great book called Everything Bad Is Good For You that focuses on video games, mostly and how they’ve become incredibly complex and layered and how they can teach kids comprehension and analytical skills rather than rot their brains. It’s the same thing with television. We are totally in a golden age of it; even the old style of sitcoms no longer really exists. I ended up watching a traditional sitcom the other night because it was on after another show and you compare that with say, an episode of The Office or even a mediocre show like My Name is Earl, and there is no comparison. We don’t need to be told when to laugh; we know when the joke is funny now.

Okay, now I’ve gone off on a different tangent but this is a very uncertain time and I kind of love it. I’m kind of excited to see what happens with all these old industries that are no longer working; they are being forced to evolve or die. Everyone has to adapt. Like with TV, people are more sophisticated now, even if they don’t appear to be.

you know what’s a good serialized drama that lost me mid-way? Rescue Me. Maybe I write a post on the first season, which was amazing.

Marco: Is that show good? I’ve caught bits and pieces here and there and didn’t dislike anything I saw. In fact, what I saw was intriguing, but something holds me back from that show. You know what it is? Leary himself. You play a character like this once, and you do it well, that’s fantastic. I guess it irks me when this is the kind of character he always plays. You know his show before this one? The Job, which was a short lived dramedy about him as a NY cop and it was pretty much the same, just cops instead of firefighters, and no post-9/11 purpose, and from the episode or two I caught, not that bad. I guess I just don’t this as his brand. Dylan Moran, who was excellent as an alcoholic misanthrope in Black Books, and seems to be one in real life if his astronomically hilarious comedy specials are to be believed, still changes up his thing in other roles.

Going back a step, part of me misses the half monster of the week/half serialized shows like The X-Files (even though the serialized parts were shit because they just were never going to give you the answers about those aliens each week)(the same as a main character is not going to die in week 2 of a show like Harper’s Island), or in the Star Trek mold, which rarely tested the half serialized mold.

But what’s next for all of these mediums as things change? A friend of mine who follows video game trends tells me that besides flashy bells and whistles, the video game industry is stagnant. Another friend who obsesses over web 2.0 and folksonomics, tells me that social networking is getting the same way, and that the future of all these things is true interactivity. At least, of some sort. Granted, that’s not economically viable in television, or part of me thinks the human race is too lazy to do anything but watch, but I ask you, Lollipop, what’s next? What’s the new thing going to be?

And to get Lollipop’s answer and so much more, you’re just going to have to check back with us tomorrow…

Or, to put it more succinctly: To Be Continued!


A stronger loving world.

Ugh. Lost is a repeat tonight . Wasn’t the whole point of these 24-style super runs in bunches that there would be a signifigant lack of repeats? Guess not (supposedly there’ll be another break week after episode 12). But now I can’t wait for next week’s episode, entitled “Namaste,” not so much for the reunion of Sawyer and Kate, but for the continuation of the 1970′s Geronimo Jackson dance party!

Medieval “vampire” skull found.

Former Nazi guard charged 29,000 times.

Like Lost? Like Watchmen (the book, or, sadly, the movie)? Well, then re-read Watchmen with Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof!

And then there’s Watchmen director Zack Snyder’s thoughts on Dr. Manhattan’s little blue cgi penis and the suspicious lack of giant fucking squid.

Russia is now the world’s top heroin consumer. I can’t wait for the version of The Wire.

A male chimp in a Swedish zoo recently “planned” hundreds of stone attacks on zoo visitors. I can’t wait for the Swedish zoo version of The Wire either. That monkey is totally Stringer Bell.

Nano-treatment set to torpedo cancer. Perfect. Robots kill and eat cancer!

NASA and Cisco are all set to bring to you “Planetary Skin.”

This story has just been called “off the charts weird” and “sick, sick, sick and dead wrong.” Do you want to know more?

Twittering encouraged in Seattle church. It’s going to be funny when everyone sees that twit about there being no God and it’s all about the money.

Not really news, but the two part pour is perfect to enjoying the perfect pint of Guinness.

(Clearly 9/11 changed everything.)

Talking about sex ain’t gonna get nobody to heaven.” I beg to differ.

And I’ll try to end this with some good news for everyone: Open air teenage gypsy bride market. Enjoy!

from here.

See you soon, kids.