Huntress.

Is Snow White And The Huntsman out on DVD yet?

I don’t really want to buy or rent the DVD or anything, and part of me doesn’t really want to watch the movie again, because it was terrible. But it was also fascinating.

This has been said before by me, and I’ll say it again here… I love the ending of the movie, the very ending: The Evil Sexy Witch Queen is dead, the troubles have ceased, and now K-Stew is being crowned Queen by the poor people of the fantasy kingdom she inhabts. As she stands there, newly royal, and praised by all her subjects, she takes a look at her primary suitors, the other ends of the love triangle she’s been shackled to the whole movie. There’s the Prince, who could not be sadder, lamer, or fall more short. And then there’s the titular Huntsman, who just looks dirty and wishing he had better dialogue and a more compelling reason to push on. Kristen Stewart’s eyes move from one of these guys, then to the other. A choice must be made. And then she looks away, and sighs. Perhaps she touches her hair. The music rises, the film ends. Presented with these choices, she has freed herself from choice. Maybe she chooses herself. Maybe she chooses just to touch her hair…

I don’t know, but it’s such an inept moment in classic cinematic storytelling, but I love it.

* * *

I believe it was Godard that said that every film was a documentary about its actors, and for the leading women in Snow White And The Huntsman, I think that’s accurate. For a bad movie, it’s a great example of why we love Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron. These are actors who refuse to be confined to the typical traps of pretty girls in the movies with swords and monsters and creepy dudes with pageboy haircuts.

Charlize is more seasoned in all of this though. I don’t think people nearly appreciate enough off how effortlessly sexy and gorgeously venomous she can be. This is beyond her incredible physical beauty, which you could say has always been a hurdle she’s had to jump over. I find her compelling and in dire need of more worthy vehicles.

And K-Stew, ah, K-Stew… Sadly, this blog will wrap up (probably) sometime later this year after a 1000 volumes, and I suspect that I would need a whole other thousand volumes to even begin to approach the majesty of K-Stew. For starters, I’ll just say that she looks even more bored when she’s trying to be typically movie sexy, and that makes me love her even more.

I know that Godard also said: “Art attracts us only by what it reveals of our most secret self.” I think about that a lot, or try to, whenever I open my mouth about something I saw in a movie and try to describe what it made me think and feel.

* * *

Read some article on either Gawker or Jezebel, somewhere cheap, fast, and sensationalistic, and they said that in the film’s commentary the director heaps nothing but outrageous praise on Kristen Stewart, and ohhhh, isn’t that so extra scandalous now after what we know? Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Just as quickly as she was announced to be the current top paid female actor in the world, going On The Road and giving two guys hand jobs at the same time in a movie for the sake of art, and now the masses and the headlines and the crying goblins on YouTube are determined to erase from the picture.

Speaking of which, excuse me while I go do a painting of K-Stew being crucified. Clothed or not clothed, it doesn’t matter, but she’ll look as bored as humanly possible up there on the cross.

Just imagine how awkward and wonderful the press junket for Breaking Dawn, Part 17 is going to be.

Poor K-Stew. As I said, we still love you. And we know as well as anyone else: Wild hearts can’t be tamed.

* * *

I was just reminded in something I was reading online that Milan Kundera has a book called Life Is Elesewhere, and it’s another European novel about a man who devotes his life to poetry, you know, as a man is wont to do. When a man has time to do so, of course.

But that phrase will be stuck in my head today. “Life is elsewhere.” Cinema is everywhere? I want to take the words there and play around with them endlessly, swapping and switching. This is how I cope with the unbearable lightness, or the enduring heaviness, I guess.

Snow White And The Huntsman was an ehhhh movie, at best. I guess it was the winner in the Summer Of Two Snow White movies. Charlize Theron vs. Julia Roberts? Come on, that wasn’t even a contest. Anyway. K-Stew was never meant to come back for a sequel to the Huntsman movie, but now people would like to report headlines that she’s been “fired” from the sequel. We ought to be more surprised that there is a sequel.

* * *

How did this come about, you ask? Or perhaps you don’t.

from here.

We recorded our latest podcast last night, and posted it last night. The mirror in the bathroom at my job as a little crack, starting at the top, right in the middle, and it’s slowly working it’s way down the center, breaking in two under the stress of… what? Apple’s doing a thing today (which you may have heard about). I saw a picture of K-Stew somewhere on the internet just a moment ago, and that article about the director’s commentary for the movie on Gawker or Jezebel or somewhere similar a few days ago. Cabin In The Woods is one of the movies on my phone. I just discovered the other day that there’s an old copy of The Unbearable Lightness Of Being on a shelf in my home. I remember buying it one day in a book store, thinking that I would get around to reading it eventually. The spine of the book has seen some adventures, and it looks like it’s been read, but not by me.

Some how all of this combined in my head just now to this, this thing that you’re reading.

Snow White And The Huntsman is not a great movie. I’m thinking about it, and talking about it, but it’s not a movie I’m going to go actively seek out to rewatch. It has some interesting visuals for the eyes, but no real meat for the brain. But it’s a treat for the comment. That’s not to say that there’s a rich subtext there, but something else, something more open for you to step into and fill with your own perceptions and ideas. Something something something about the eye of the beholder.

Cinema is everywhere. Life is elsewhere. You’re either now here or you’re soon to be nowhere.

Stories and subjects.

“American pictures usually have no subject, only a story. A pretty woman is not a subject. Julia Roberts doing this and that is not a subject.”

-Jean-Luc Godard, 1994

File this one under: Supplemental, and Ancient Hollywood Weirdness.

A twist of fate.

Mad linkage:

Long running comic strip Cathy will be coming to an end October 3.

AMC picking up new crime thriller series, The Killing.

The cowboy’s lament, up above, from here.

Why are southern California’s seas turning green?

Homeless Poles living on barbecued rats and alcoholic handwash.

Brazil’s Air Force to officially start recording UFO sightings.

How to have sex at work.

Google, Verizon, and net neutrality.

One of the last strips that Harvey Pekar wrote.

Albino python on cocaine confronts police.

Readers pick the best album art of all time.

The only Facebook button I’ll ever need.

Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin together again for the first time.

Girl quits job via dry erase board, emails entire office (which makes for a cute hoax).

A poster for Julia Robert’s new movie.

Soldiers try to trade tech support for Afghan intel.

The secret to what makes something funny “discovered.”

A letter from a freed man to his former slave owner.

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone.