So when I returned from vacation the other day, tired and weary, dreading the return to work, I discovered some books waiting for me on my desk. Normally, this would be a great thing. I’m a big fan of books as a present for just about any occasion, along with knowledge, money, and sexual acts (for gratitude, naturally), but books is probably the most useful long term out of all of those, if you think about it realistically (and if you’re wondering what the worst gift you can give someone, it’s simple: a McDonald’s Arch card because that just says matter of factly that I hate you, get fat, and then die, please).

So there I am, looking at all these books, and excited. “Books, fuck yeah!” is what I believe I said. Then I saw the books, which were:

Nerd In Shining Armor.

Nerd Gone Wild.

Nerds Like It Hot.

Gone With The Nerd.

And last but not least, my favorite of the bad puns as titles, The Nerd Who Loved Me, all by an author named Vicki Lewis Thompson.

Apparently I need to go do some work on my image and what people around here think of me. Fuckers. But I’m also amazed that someone found a niche in the usual harlequin market of trashy romance novels for a little nerd lovin’. There’s two other books in the series that aren’t pictured above (nor were waiting for me), including My Nerdy Valentine and Talk Nerdy To Me.

But in actuality, this nerd thing being fetishized in such a manner kind of bothers, me probably the same as anytime a cute girl with glasses goes to bed with a guy and he tells her, “Leave them on.” Just… different. This idea of the nerd, this very Rick Moranis-esque/Revenge Of The Nerds type idea of the guy who looks like Rivers Cuomo and has shitty social skills and questionable hygiene and zero to no luck with girls is outdated and tired. Especially in a world where Rivers Cuomo is a rock star and probably gets a lot of action, when he’s not chasing down and being scary to Asian girls or going celibate. Or especially in a world where if you have enough cash then then, and let’s face it, you get whatever the fuck you want. 

from here.

To me, as annoying as he was, Seth Cohen from The OC made a kind of sense, but that show Chuck or The Big Bang Theory doesn’t for the very same reason. Everywhere you go, there’ds nerds. Everyone’s a nerd these days. You’re probably sleeping with a nerd right now, or relishing in your own happy nerd tendencies. The idea of the nerd as a lonely outsider is ridiculous, and the eccentric, eclectic obsessive type is becoming far more prevalent these days in our society. In fact, the other day I was talking to this beautiful young woman I had just meant who told me she absolutely loved Quentin Tarantino and couldn’t wait for Inglorious Basterds. It took me a while to politely say that I didn’t want anybody in my life who was looking forward to another film from that guy.

This super nerd came up when I was google image searching a Sixteen Candles quote earlier.

My feelings on this subject are not easy to articulate or define, especially growing up pretty much as a nerd, but I’m glad to see that the nerds haven’t so much taken over, but they’ve gone corporate. It’s cool to be a nerd now, to an extent. Humanity’s getting faster and stupider, and they’re doing it in a nerdier style (it’s important to establish here that the word “nerd” doesn’t neccessarily connotate “smart”). And if there’s one thing that the nerds, the whatever the not-nerds call themselves, and the Irish all have in common, it’s alcohol, so…

Happy St. Patricks’ Day!