Heart in a cage.

We here at Counterforce have decided – and let’s face it, sometimes we just know better – that your life would be both drastically and dramatically different if today it included quotes from one of America’s most vital thespians and national treasures: Nic Cage.

“Passion is very important to me. If you stop enjoying things, you’ve got to look at it, because it can lead to all kinds of depressing scenarios.”

“There’s a fine line between the Method actor and the schizophrenic.”

from here.

“I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion.”

One of the first signs of being depressed is that you lose interest in things. That`s why I think it is important to stay passionate.”

from Nic Cage As Everyone!

“Hollywood didn’t know if I was an actor or a nut or if I was this crazy character I was playing. I had developed an image of being a little bit unusual, different and wild.”

On how sometimes he goes way over the top and sometimes he holds back:

“Thank you for noticing, because first of all, it’s difficult to talk about the work, right? Because when you talk about the work, it’s kind of stupid because the work speaks for itself. I don’t want to name it, because when you name it, if you name it then it loses its mystery. If I tell you exactly what I was thinking, or what I was up to – and I have been guilty of that – then you lose your secret connection with the work of art. And I digress, but I went on Dick Cavett many years ago and met Miles Davis. And I was talking about things like art synthesis and Picasso and you can do with acting what he did, or with music, and Miles came out and he got it, you know, he was looking at me, he gave me this, like – he nodded and he winked at me. Miles Davis, you know. And we were sharing the trumpet. And ever since then, because he accepted whatever my philosophy was, I believe that I wanted to approach acting as jazz. And so he became like a surrealist father of sorts, along with Walt Disney. And I thought, ‘Okay. Well, this time, I’m going to just let anything come out, whatever it may be.’ Like Bad Lieutenant, you know. But sometimes, it’s really thought out and constructed and carefully thought out, like Adaptation. So I always like to mix it up.”

“As a teenager I was more of an anarchist, but now I want people to thrive and be more harmonious.”

On his marriage to Lisa Marie Presley:

“I`m sad about this, but we shouldn’t have been married in the first place.”

“I cry a lot. My emotions are very close to my surface. I don`t want to hold anything in so it festers and turns into pus – a pustule of emotion that explodes into a festering cesspool of depression.”

“Shock is still fun. I won’t ever shut the door on it.”

“[Pablo Picasso] said art is a lie that tells the truth. What if you just want to tell the truth and not lie about it?

“They say, ‘Evil prevails when good men fail to act.’ What they ought to say is, ‘Evil prevails.’”

-from one of his most underrated movies, Lord Of War.

“I remember when I met Johnny Depp, he was a guitar player from Florida, and he had no idea he could be an actor. I said, ‘I really think you are an actor, that you have that ability.’ That was just from playing one game of Monopoly with him. I sent him to my agent and he has gone on to carve out a successful career.”

“I think I jump around more when I`m alone.”

Referring to his family:

“It’s a family that’s loaded with grudges and passion. We come from a long line of robbers and highwaymen in Italy, you know. Killers, even.”

from, once again, Nic Cage As Everyone.

“To be a good actor you have to be something like a criminal, to be willing to break the rules to strive for something new.”

The year in pictures, part two.

Almost there. Not quite yet though…

But, man, what a frustrating year.

I felt like Tyler Coates‘ picture here summed up what my attitude was going into this year. And what all of our attitudes should’ve been. As it always should be.

And now Alec Baldwin sums up how I felt about this year.

Though this year has brought some things that I desperately wanted to see.

Or never thought I would see (all together in the same club).

Or things that I would be okay never seeing again.

And some things, things from my childhood, came to an end.

Some things, I think, I realized I was glad to see go.

And it really hit me in this past year that some things will not last forever.

And some of those things are through. Professionally, I mean.

Oh well. Shit happens. Things come. And things go.

And they keep going.

It’s all about perspective.

Isn’t that what they say?

This was the year of hope.

This was the year of rejections.

This was the year of saying that you wanted a revolution.

And it was also the year where you said, “Could you try not to rub your beard up against my forest of tears?”

It was about new things.

And new things to regret (in the morning)(probably)(but hopefully not).

It was, for me, the year I just accepted the often hellish, nonstop barrage of celebrity bullshit.

…Especially in the face of weird hookups that I just can’t condone.

And seeing things I loved shat upon.

But these things happen.

We hold onto the good.

And let go of the bad.

Time to dust yourself off.

Maybe you’ve learned some things. About life, the world, and yourself.

And made some decisions.

And had some fun.

But just remember…

It’s easy to ride off into the sunset.

It’s hard to still be there when the sun rises. But that’s where the true excitement and the fun lay.

Hopefully we’ll see you there.

from here.

So tonight that I might see.

Seeing is believing?

“Something big is out there beyond the visible edge of our universe…”

Total free fall/No parachutes.

“No one knows what it’s like to be the bad man…”

Are we tipping towards solitude?

Nic Cage and Somalian pirates.

Newsweek 20/10: The decade in rewind.

When Lost returns next year, it’ll return to us Tuesdays at 9 PM.

Speaking of which, according to Ian Somerhalder, the script for the season premiere of Lost, entitled “LA X” is so detailed that it weighs 3 pounds.

“No one knows what it’s like to be hated…”

When it comes to Sarah Palin’s book, media coverage is the real story.

Also, hat flap!

Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris present you: TMI.

The 50 best inventions of 2009.

Bunkerlust.

My thoughts on proposing marriage via the internet.

Bigfoot?

Porn de la Concorde.

“Now this is something the other tour guides won’t tell you…”

100 books that defined the 00s.

NPR’s best books of 2009.

Vanity book awards.

Trump cards.” Nabokov’s new book, at long last.

Rick Moody’s epic twitter fail.

A Clockwork Orange-style sex attacks in Thailand.

“I look to you and I see nothing.”

Guess I got what I deserved, kept you waiting there too long, my love.”

Steve Holt!”

Thank you for your suffering.

Two of my favorite things.

This is what happens when you sample Sufjan Stevens in your rap song.

New Fight Club Blu-Ray DVDs are not actually defective.

How the puppets for The Fantastic Mr. Fox were made.

Disturbing Twilight products.

from here.

“The hurting’s on me, yea, but I will never be free, no no no…”

Victim in fatal car crash tragically not Glenn Beck.

The Onion AV Club interviews Richard Dawkins.

Sarah Palin and William Shatner.

Pete Doherty took drugs into court.

What is up with MF DOOM these days?

Controversial signs of mass cannibalism.

A dream of interstellar travel.

Alfred Gescheidt, Untitled, 1967, from here.

How many people are in space right now?

Undersea volcano erupts!

Loud bass killed student?

Bionic fingers!

The 100 essential websites.

A tsunami on the sun.

The Earth’s atmosphere came from outer space.

Ten science stories that changed our decade.

Unfriend.

One thing I miss is in

(500)(+2) Days Of Blogging.

500  posts. Plus 2. That’s exciting. Shocking, too. Exciting and shocking. Reminds me of my last marriage.

Random notes:

1) Last night I had a dream I was watching a movie featuring Nic Cage as Benjamin Franklin and Jeff Goldblum as Albert Einstein and they were teaming up to fight vampires. It was called Science Dawn and I loved every moment of it.

When I woke up from said dream, I uttered one word: “Gangsta.”

2) Just caught up with the two latest episodes of Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse via Hulu. The already canceled show will come back in January to air it’s last three remaining episodes and I’m now at the point where I can actually call it a tragedy.

I’d say that 83% of the first season was not all that great. The last two aired episodes last year were decent and the DVD only finale, “Epitaph One” was amazing, but almost like a whole other show.  The first two episodes of this season? Not that great. But then somewhere around their third episode this year, the writers must’ve realized that they were dying and they finally just started making really good TV.

The most recent episode, “The Attic” was brilliant and fun. Directed by comic book artist John Cassady (who did a gorgeous and amazing run on the X-Men with Whedon) and aping Neal Stephenson in places, it was like a whole other perfect show compared to where it was last year. I’m really looking forward to the last three episodes but there’s something heartbreaking in the idea that this show will continue to get better and better right up to the moment it dies.

3) There’s a Nick Tosches book called In The Hand Of Dante that I’ve always wanted to read and was reminded of it by glancing through the last issue of Entertainment Weekly, where it’s listed as one of “the essentials” of Johnny Depp. The fact that anyone needs to know what Johnny Depp’s essential anything is, well, it’s hilarious to me. But I’m thankful for the reminder and decided to pop online to get a copy for myself and possibly one for someone else since apparently Christmas is coming up. We still have a few weeks, right?

Anyway, they’re out of stock now on the book, and this is other suggested selections listed, the books that customers who bought that Nick Tosches book also bought:

I got a small chuckle out of that list, since those are the other “essentials” listed by Capt. Jack Sparrow in the EW article.

4) The other day this woman I work with was telling me a story about an elderly lady who was almost the victim of a home invasion. I don’t remember all the details, forgive me, but the gist of the story was that a guy kept knocking on her door, she lived out in the middle of nowhere, and the 911 operator told her to “do whatever you have to do” to protect herself, so she shot the guy with a shotgun.

Regardless of the details of whatever happened, the story terrified me. And it make ponder: If they remade Home Alone now – and that’s, what, probably just a year or two away anyway, right? – I feel like in our current crazy political climate, with all those arma ferre nutjobs out there, little Kevin McCalister would probably not use his brains or ingenuity to stop those stupid robbers but rather just go and get his parents’ gun out of the shoebox in the upstairs closet and would or kill himself and the two of them and maybe the family dog as well. And that’s just awesome.

5) Speaking of death and decay and literary aspirations and creative miasma: Counterforce actually had 500 posts. Well, 502 now. Shocking. How have the Elder Gods of the Internet not kneecapped us yet? Maybe it’s because we run so fast.

Again, sorry about disappearing on you for a few weeks there. We took a mini-vaca, I guess. There was a podcast recorded somewhere in there that probably sounded horrible, sound quality-wise, and wasn’t that thrilling, I’d imagine, content-wise. As I remember, it was a lot of talk about Dawson’s Creek, hate sex, sex with redheads, music, facebook, and… well, the rest is a blur. Rightfully so, I imagine.

Anyway, 500 posts. Here’s to 500 more! Or, at least, a few more. I feel like our posting schedule will be sporadic throughout the rest of December but there’s been some talk about a movie list from the past decade and several other interesting things. We shall see. Until then…

TOMORROW (I believe) on COUNTERFORCE: I’ll probably talk about my favorite albums from the past year, which I’m discovering was possibly even more forgetable than I realized.

And MONDAY or TUESDAY (I believe) on COUNTERFORCE: a book review.

Until then, just ask yourself this:

Fire Walk With Me.

Thru a glass, darkly, twisted, and broken.

“We think we understand the rules when we become adults but what we really experienced is a narrowing of the imagination.”

-David Lynch.

Your Thought Of The Day, courtesy of David Lynch.

Browsing through the internet tonight, same as usual, nothing too sexy or exciting, and I click on one of the hundred thousand links I seem to click on that’s supplied by someone on tumblr: The Top 10 Best David Lynch moments.

Lynch directing.

I’ll say this for Lynch, he’s made a name for himself. And by that, I mean, he’s made his name a genre onto itself. Weird horror? Weird Americana? Esoterica existentialism? We could spend a decade defining it.

The other day I was actually talking with someone about cinema, about horror and sci fi directors, directors who step outside the norm a tad, and through the course of just bullshitting and casual riffing, I started comparing Lynch with Canada’s David Cronenberg. Another man who’s made his name into a genre all of it’s own. A man who’s every choice seems to be a weird one. And when he plays normal? It’s even weirder.

And I can think of no better example there than when he actually had a two episode acting stint in J. J. Abram’s Alias. Before that, he had several cameo roles in various movies, and weird ones too, of course, like Jason X, and The Fly, and Gus Van Sant’s To Die For.

The David Cronenberg within.

The difference between these two directors, the difference than I can easily glean for you now, is that they’re both weird, but that with Cronenberg, I think he just lets his interests in body modification or transformation or infections of both the physical and psychological kind just run away with him. I love that wikipedia actually uses the term “venereal horror” to describe his personal brand of cinema.

Damn good cup of coffee.

But then there’s Lynch, who’s a weird guy, has weird tastes, likes to make weird art, and loves to cultivate his own weirdness. A lot of times, I think it’s just a part of his brand, his act, his personal style of show, but more times I get the impression of a man who walked off the reservation years ago, realized that he was leaving a certain kind of reality behind, probably smirked to himself, and kept going. His movies, his short films, his website and stunts are all just little polaroids that he shoots back to us from his journey.

His hair looks like a flock of birds that would like to hang out with Salvador Dali.

Plus, I’m sure that even Morrissey thinks that David Lynch spends too much time on his hair.

This is not weird nor surreal enough for me.

I may be giving him too much credit there, but what’s the difference. Let’s talk about the major totems in his career…

White Horse.

Movies/TV shows of David Lynch’s that I have watched/enjoyed:

-Dune, the adaptation of the Frank Herbert “sci fi classic.”

-Twin Peaks, the TV show.

-Blue Velvet, or, well, most of it when I was a kid.

-Mulholland Drive, the failed TV that was resurrected into a film.

-About an hour and some change from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, the movie follow up/prequel/general ephemera to the television show.

Welcome To Twin Peaks.

Twin Peaks the show was just 85 to 90% brilliant weird fun. A perfect television murder mystery before we were worried about semen stains and making lab work sexy meets the weirdness of small town America, and all of it recycled through David Lynch’s odd brain. There was a lot of elements to the show that were just weird for the sake of weirdness, but for the most part, I excuse it all because it never left the confines of the logic of the show. The logic of the show wasn’t necessarily easy to decipher, but once you get a legitimate idea of what’s going on with things like Bob, the arm, the doorknob, the talking backwards, the Black Lodge, and Laura Palmer in general, you just kind of get it. Also, one of the must frustratingly wonderful endings to a TV show ever.

Watts and Harring.

Its’ the same for Mulholland Drive, which would’ve been murderously frustrating as a television show, but works perfectly as a film. It’s also hard to figure out at first, but give it some time, possibly a second viewing, and if needed, a friend to explain it to you, and you’ll get a tale of lost love and just brutal, puncturing sadness set against the glitz and flashy bizarrness of LA.

This is the tantric sex scene in Dune, featuring Kyle MacLachlan, Captain Picard, and Sting.

Dune is Dune. If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. If you enjoyed it, you were probably on a lot of drugs or just a really gross person. Or maybe you’re a hardcore Sting fan? I don’t hate the movie by any means, but I’ll happily say that the Sci Fi channel miniseries version of the book was vastly better.

I get this a lot.

And now we delve into the darker recesses of me with the films of David Lynch that I’ve never seen:

-Eraserhead, his first film.

-Wild At Heart, which I really should’ve seen by now, at least for Nic Cage, if nothing else.

-Lost Highway, which had a soundtrack that I loved, or kinda loved, back in the 90s.

-The Straight Story, a fairly straightforward story of a real life man that just seems that much more creepy because it was done by Lynch.

-Inland Empire.

-And the rest of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me.

Do you remember back when Bravo was a cable network that played real art, really culturally significant stuff? Classic movies and TV shows. Friday nights, I remember, would be foreign cinema and that’s where I’d see things like All About My Mother or Run Lola Run because, I guess I had no social life. I remember they used to play old Poirot movies all the time, mostly the Peter Ustinov ones, which were all pretty good.

Lynch as Gordon Cole in Twin Peaks.

Anyway, the point of me asking that is one summer they started playing episodes of Twin Peaks during the weekdays. This is where I first latched onto the show, and I remember that they played something like two episodes back to back starting at 9 AM. Now, if you really consider the weirdness/juicy soap opera factors in that show, then 9 AM is a really insidious time to air the show, leaving you creeped out through the rest of your youthful summertime abandon during the day, but hey, whatever.

James Hurley, you, sir, are no rock star.

But I loved the show. As I said, on one hand you had this bizarre police procedural gone crazy, and then on the other, you had a fantastical soap opera element as the show started to explore the facets of the various characters of the small town of Twin Peaks. And of course I was left hooked by the ending of the last episode. It was the ultimate cliffhanger, when your hero survives the trip to the Black Lodge that is so horrific that you can’t look away, only to discover that he may not be our hero after all…

Bob and Cooper.

Some actors that had an early start or appearance in their careers in Twin Peaks:

Heather Graham.

Lara Flynn Boyle.

This is why I love you, Audrey Horne.

Sherilyn Fenn.

Madchen Amick.

Special Agent Dennis (or Denise) Bryson.

And David Duchovny, in drag.

Anyway, so Bravo aired the follow up film, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me a week or two after the syndicated run of the show ended and I was so excited to watch it, knowing that it’d handle some of what really happened to Laura Palmer, the teen whose murder initiated the show in general along with tackling a lot of the back story and featuring appearances by people like Keifer Sutherland, Chris Isaak, and David Bowie. Of course. These are perfectly Lynch-ian actors, much like Kyle MacLachlan doesn’t seem like a human being himself, just a caricature of a human drawn by David Lynch to snicker at.

Twin Peaks

Anyway, I’ve seen more bits and pieces of the film here and there since then, but haven’t been able to good and proper finish watching since that night I first sat down to watch it (on TV, no less!) and encountered this scene…

…featuring “my mother’s sister’s girl.” Even as I embed that  youtube clip for you, I’m not watching it. I hope it’s the right one. I can’t handle it, man. You may look at it and think it’s tame and laugh at me. You’re probably right to. But watching it back then, something about it creeped me out past my then limits. It crawled inside my skin and started doing things and I had to leave the room and I haven’t come back to that particular metaphorical room since.

Aaahhhhhhh!!

Hope you don’t mind me rambling on about David Lynch here but it’s Friday night and if you’re reading this, well, then you’re probably as lost as I am. But I’m someone who has, I’d like to think, watched a lot of movies across the years. My tastes are massively pretentious, and I’ll be the first to admit it, but in dichotomy, they’re also extremely low bro, just barely scraping the floor of what a human can stand to watch. And going along with that, I’m a horror movie fan. Hardcore, for the most part. I don’t really like “gore” movies, but it’s not typically a matter of finding them unsettling, just uninteresting. But one of the few times I ever felt nearly sick to my stomach was during a viewing of the unrated cut of Miike’s Ichi The Killer inflicted upon me by Conrad Noir. That film is deliriously gross and there’s a fun campiness to it. But there’s also a scene where a character very slowly cuts out his own tongue and seems to enjoy doing it and I nearly had to tap out there.

I could compare that scene with a similar one in Oldboy where a character has to do something similar, but unlike Ichi The Killer, it makes sense for the story and it’s not done in a way that attacks the viewer. It’s part of the story, an act of desperation, and kind of makes sense, even though it is an unsettling notion in general. I’ll stop there because I know everytime I bring up the words “Asian” and “cinema” in the same sentence, Benjamin Light falls asleep.

My point is that there’s really gorey stuff that can get to you and there’s psychological horror like, for example, Irreversible. And there’s movies that dance drunkely on the line in between the two, like the entire Saw set. Speaking of which, can you believe they plan to make at least 8 of these movies?  Jesus fucking Christ.

And then there’s the special David Lynch touch. There’s moments in his films that are gorey and there’s moments that are flashes of psychological horror. And then there’s something else, something beyond those two. To me, Polanski was a master of the rare art of taking the creepy parts of a film and making it feel like they were in the room with you, crawling up behind you with a sick glint of terror in their eye. Gore (nice first name, buddy) Verbinski’s remake of The Ring had flashes of that same vibe. There was gore there, and existential dread, but with David Lynch, there’s something more there, something scary. I almost want him to throw some tentacles and racism in his movies so that I could say that his film studio lives in Cthulhu’s butt, man.

Another example, from near the beginning of Mulholland Drive:

I had forgotten that Phil from Lost/Jimmy Barret from Mad Men was in that scene. And yet, he’s perfect in it. And the film is shot perfectly, with the camera just hovering around these characters in semi-tight close ups in the diner, lost in the dreamtime as it fluctuates into a nightmare. It’s a brilliant decision to make us feel the character’s shock and fear rather than drift into cliched screams and quick cuts, etc. And sometimes the most horrific part of a terrible thing is being told exactly how it’s going to go down before it does. It’s what makes the ending of The Blair Witch Project work despite itself.

“Every little detail is either feeding the mood or destroying the mood.” I love that quote, from the above discussion on his techniques. Lynch is obsessed with the aesthetics of any scene.

This is the girl.

But that scene may not be indicative of how perfect of a David Lynch movie that Mulholland Drive is. The way it lures you in with it’s seemingly straightforward plot of a amnesiac girl on the run meeting up with the good-natured wannabe starlet moving to LA, a world where the real meets with the bizarre fantasies of the real, combined with the slightly amateurish way that Lynch sometimes does his films combined scene to scene with some masterful bits of directing and editing. Maybe the “No Hay Banda”/Club Silencio scenes show all of this a little better…

…which uses the spanish language a cappella version of Roy Orbison’s “Crying” perfectly, and beautiful performed by Rebekah del Rio, to give the two characters, Betty (Naomi Watts) and Rita (Laura Elena Harring), something magnificent to take in. In a lot of ways, the whole film plays out here in this scene, as the two women, newly lovers, watch the ridiculous elements on the stage before them, but our overcome by sadness from an event that they’re not aware has ever taken place. They’re oblivous to the fact that they’re merely daydreams of their real selves, whose relationship has ended in a violent tragedy. Just as the song keeps playing long after the performer’s dead body has been dragged from the stage, some dreams stick around long after one has woken and are poisoned by the harsh southern California sunlight and turned into nightmares.

In which Mulholland Drive morphs into Persona for just a moment or two.

For all his weirdness, and all his attempts at capturing and being the sole conquerer of the American weird film zeitgeist, David Lynch has never been and probably never will be more perfect than he was in Mulholland Drive.

Naomi Watts and David Lynch.

And there’s a reason that this movie, despite it’s weirdness, launched Naomi Watts onto a career that ultimately could be called merely so so. It’s not the “so so” of it that’s important, it’s the launching. It’s not totally shocking to me that she would be the common denominator in this post, having worked with Lynch, Cronenberg, and was in The Ring. But she’s perfect in this Mulholland Drive, at one moment sunny as the weather and bursting with bright eyed optimism and at other times, dark and torn apart, nothing but raw hurting nerves as she cries and masturbates. It reminds me of myself whenever I write one of these diatribes for you people.

No, actually, this is the girl.

That said, I have Inland Empire sitting around on my shelf, just waiting to be watched. Anyone care to join me? Or to hold my hand in an attempt to make it all way through Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me? It’d be much appreciated.

This is not untrue.

But for now, I leave you in peace, with a final thought from David Lynch himself, about movies and iphones:

REDRUM.

Puberty sucks hard.

I’m in a mood tonight to watch The Shining. Well, tonight or tomorrow sometime. I’m a scary movie mood, I guess. Something festive. Something seasonal. And I’m open to suggestions. Conrad Noir suggested The Exorcist which, no joke, I’ve never seen. Occam Razor suggested The Wicker Man remake with Nic Cage which, unfortuanetly, I have seen. And Benjamin Light made a joke about some new movie about a reanimated zombie pop star called This Is It.

All work and no play puts Marco Sparks in a mellow Halloween mood. The Shining, it is. Martin Scorsese agrees with me. Trick or treat, you sons of bitches.

This is roughly my mood as of this moment.

A universe that doesn’t fall apart two days later.

So what does everyone think of the Avatar trailer?

It’s so weird to me to see it actually existing now, not that it’s particulary great or anything, but just because I think I first heard of this project what… ten years ago? It’s easily one of those Chinese Democracys of cinema.

And we all know how well Chinese Democracy turned out.

Maybe perhaps because of this trailer being released in the past week, or maybe just because certain strands and tendrils of the future are bending that way, I’ve been seeing lots of bits and pieces about augmented reality popping up in the various weird shit I read on the interwebs lately. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, right? There tends to be no more powerful thing that coincidences.

The really real world of augmented reality.

Maybe it’s just me, but I guess I expected more from the trailer for James Cameron’s long awaited film. I expected things that it obviously couldn’t really live up to, since it’s been talked about and speculated about so much in the past decade. What’ll be interesting is to see what it really is when it comes to life in this reality.

But one of the things that gets me is that the trailer really favors what looks like simple CGI effects work, not terribly dissimilar from things we’ve seen in the past 5 or so years. The Na’vi creatures, in trailer form, don’t strike me as spectacular creations at all. I’d much rather just look at Zoe Saldana in one of those outfits as she is. Actual look-wise, I get the same vibe from the tall, blue alien race/tribe that I got from seeing the Hulk in Ang Lee’s 2003 film (which, I don’t care what anyone says, is still a fine movie, especially if you chop off the last half an hour).

But then there’s a real story somewhere in Avatar, with real actors like Sigourney Weaver and Michelle Rodriguez (is it me or is Ana Lucia the only character you haven’t heard about returning for Lost‘s final season?) and Giovanni Ribisi, which I’m not sure I’m all that interested in. If you know nothing of Avatar, I’ll spare you, but it’s essentially The Last Samurai or Dances With Wolves in outer space.

Also, apropos of nothing really, I find Giovanni Ribisi ridiculous. I don’t know why, but I just can’t help it. He’s good with comedic roles, but I can never take him seriously in dramatic roles. Maybe he’s just too good at what he does (which is shit like co-starring in the Gone In Sixty Seconds remake with Nic Cage and that episode of The X-Files, “D.P.O.“). Anyway, that picture below gives me a total Airplane! vibe.

Anticipation for Avatar is a mixed bag, certainly. On one hand, I like a lot of the projects that James Cameron has unleashed in the past, or been involved in, such as the career of his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow or producing Soderbergh’s Solaris remake. He hasn’t put his face out there in a while, but the man is a pillar of the cinema, and someone who actually cares about pushing the technology of moviemaking forward, augmenting the reality for creators (even if it does involve rising movie ticket prices). But I still get a negative vibe from him, you know, as a person.

What can I say? The guy seems like a dick. Right?

But then again, I don’t have to like him (and doesn’t he look like somebody’s uptight dad from an 80s teen flick?). I always enjoyed True Lies, but it took me years to see it as a parody of sexism and not just a fun spy parody that also happened to be sexist. I could be wrong though in my interpretation. James Cameron may have actually intended it to be sexist and that all women are “biscuits.”

Eh, Avatar, whatever. I want it to be good. I’m hoping that it plays out like a nice counterpart to something like Where The Wild Things Are, with Spike Jonze’s take on the Maurice Sendak book being something for the kid in all of us…

…And Avatar being something for the adult in all of us who’s worried about the environment and indigenous peoples and fucking weirdly hot alien girls.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

-Phillip K. Dick, from “How To Build A Reality That Doesn’t Fall Apart Two Days Later.”

Sea Dogs…

…was, up until the 16th century, the original name that mariners had for sharks:

As of right now, mariners and seamen (and women) don’t have a cooler nickname for pictures of hot girls with animal heads:

But you just know they’re working on it.

The other day, bored at work, Conrad and I noticed one of those stupid internet games and, just for shits and giggles, played along. This one: Go to google and put in your name followed by the word “needs,” as in “Conrad needs” and list the first five hits.

Five things that Conrad needs: Help, help, a friend, a kidney, and to die.

I’m still laughing at that.

Five things that Marco needs: A sleeping bag, help (always), a release (always), “to learn,” and a beer. Thanks, internet!

Obama let Kim and North Korea save face. But, also, Bill Clinton is still The Man.

The Village of the Twins. Twin Village!

How Netflix gets movies to your mailbox so fast.

Afghan elders strike truce with the Taliban.

HAARP energizing the ionosphere.

Porn for women more interested in raising some fast cash now rather than raising penises.

Newspapers vs. The Web: Has this war been fought before?

Mystery face found in archaeological dig.

Pandorum.

Axelrod’s son hired by HuffPo.

Sewage sludge kills White House veggie garden.

Curry war.

The Non-Profit Media Model?

Riding a Great White.

A drop (of blood) in the ocean.

Robo-Shark!

Bruce the Shark.

from here.

A Gross Of Goblins.

The Swine Flu is getting more serious, yo.

The corrections of the NYT.

Gym attack.

I don’t know how Kick Ass won’t be controversial.

The trailer for The Lovely Bones.

Teen Satanists may be a bit irrational. Hormones and hellfire mix oddly.

Wank, Austria.

Slow moving UFO over Washington state.

Vladimir Putin: Shirtless, horseback.

Fireman and his wife accidentally burn down house during hot, hot sex.

A cure for extinction?

Bubbles The Chimp to pen a tell all memoir about Michael Jackson. Shoot me now, people.

Bad Trailer.

Wow, they weren’t kidding when they said they were going to remake/reimagining Bad Lieutenant, were they? Here’s the trailer for Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans:

Not that I really cared all that much for the original, I did find it hilarious that Werner Herzog was doing this new take on it, and that he cast Nic Cage and Val Kilmer in it.  Then I saw the trailer and… and…

Just wow. You know? I feel like Nic Cage is going to start a whole new bizarre genre of bad remakes that are just wonderfully, brilliantly fucking ludicrously horrible. But amazingly so. And I just want to remind you that this man…

…has an Oscar. I bring that up just as reminder that clearly our Hollywood system just works.

And then, speaking of ridiculous bad trailers as a treat for you, I give you the preview for Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus:

Which stars Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lama, I should add. Don’t ask me how I came across this, but it looks wonderfully bad too. The kind of bad that is perfect in trailer form so you can laugh at it, but you’d never actually watch this movie (I hope). If you would, then you probably watch those Saturday night Sci Fi channel movies and you may just be a bit stupid, no offense.

And last, but not least (well, maybe it is), I have a little present just for our very own August Bravo. Enjoy it, August!

May Day.

Yesterday at work, my boss was going on and on about all the fun she used to have on May Day when she was a kid. And yet, in my mind as I was listening to her, I kept thinking of The Wicker Man.

The original, of course. The Robin Hardy classic of fuck up wonderfully weird cinema, not the Neil LaBute/Nic Cage train wreck.

Clearly, there is something very wrong with me.

In other news: tonight is the antepenultimate episode of Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse (in it’s television broadcast format, though there will be an epilogue episode apparently on the DVD). Having stuck with this show this whole mini season that it’s been airing out of respect and loyalty to Mr. Whedon, I have to say that the show has slowly spread the wings of what it’s capable of, to give you just a taste of it’s potential, but has clearly made no great strides to reach said potential or full capacity.

The show so far plays out like a classic sci fi novel, but only makes minor stabs at tackling the notion of identity for hire and thankfully, the idea of sexual passengers that Joss played up for controversy’s sake in early interviews didn’t materialize too much. This is vastly better television than you get most other nights of the week on any other channel, so I’d say enjoy it while you can, but that’s not going to happen. Instead I’ll just suggest you pick up the DVD set in a few months.